This Is Me
by mattlukejess
Summary: Can a friendship that spans time and distance become a love that lasts forever. Through written words, smiles and laughter a bond was formed, starting in what most would think the strangest of places, the circus, my home. No cheating and HEA as always.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello and welcome to my new story. **

**My youngest son is the reason I wrote this story as he insists we watch The Greatest Showman every weekend while he sings along at the top of his voice to all the songs. While watching for probably the hundredth time, and singing along with him, I came up with this story. **

**E L James owns everything fifty and like my other stories this is un-betered, so all mistakes are my own.**

APOV

It was the train's whistle that woke me this morning, the second steam train to arrive this week. The first brought excitement around the town I hear, posters quickly being put up to announce the arrival of The Greatest Show on Earth.

That is what Katherine was happy to tell me, boasting about what I would never probably see. I will ask mother though, although I do not hold out much hope of leaving this home, my prison for so long.

Sitting up in my bed, I reached for my cane and slowly made my way over to the window seat. Taking a seat, I looked in wonder at the sight before me.

From my home on the hill that overlooked the town, I could see that a large tent had been erected since I had last looked, smaller tents around it now in place. The train that had arrived was magnificent, at least twenty carriages long, all painted in a deep red. There was a name on the side, but from my viewpoint, I could not see what it said.

"Ana" I heard mother say as she entered my room, smiling as she found me at the window.

"Yes, mother," I replied, returning her smile before my focus went back outside. "What is it, this greatest show."

"It is a circus."

"A circus," I said, my smile growing wider still.

"Yes, acrobats, lions, they even have an elephant from what I have seen on the posters."

"Can we go?" I asked her, only ever seeing these things in the books that filled the shelves of my room.

"I do not see why not. It will do us all some good to get out as a family."

"But father," I replied, knowing he will probably put up an argument for me to remain behind.

"Leave him to me. Now, you have your appointment with Dr Flynn in one hour" mother said exasperatedly.

"I will be ready but why do I need to go this time," I asked sadly.

"Oh, who knows my child, who knows," mother said, heading into my closet to pick out a dress for today.

I had to smile with her choice knowing full well with the length that my foot was on display and there would be no hiding it.

My father calls me lame, I have heard him, my mother's protests too that he should use such a word to describe his daughter. He is the reason my left foot is the way it is, he was the one who put me on the horse that day no matter how much I told him I was scared.

Katherine, my sister is a year older than me but with the way my father treated me, you would think he only had one child. She was his favourite no doubt, his heir, me I was the spare, the one in the way. Whatever Katherine wanted she got, even the horse riding lessons that I was forced to do too.

I was five and had been placed on a horse in my fathers care while Katherine was with the instructor. It may have been a small horse to some but to the size of me it was a monster and I was terrified. Of course, his eyes were on her, not noticing me until I had toppled from the horse, my foot crushed under its because the animal was spooked by my screams.

I was told to get up at first, even lifted up by my arms and told to stop my tears because I was embarrassing him. Only collapsing in pain and being told to call a doctor by the trainer did he finally take the situation seriously and move.

Move, I still do that, although not as fast as he likes so he keeps me here, a prisoner in my own home. I am hidden away, he says for my own good so I can grow up without the stigma that will be placed on me. No chance of a suitor, no family, no future at all because as far as my foot or more my father is concerned, no one will ever want me.

"What has brought these tears on," Mother asked as she came back into my room to brush my long brown hair now I was dressed.

"Nothing mother" I lied.

"Your tears are never nothing Ana, please tell me."

"How many more times do I have to go and see Dr Flynn. How many more times is Father going to try and fix me when I am not even broken. Yes, my foot is not perfectly straight, but I can still walk despite pain sometimes. I can still do everything I want to do, more so if I was allowed to leave these walls."

"Oh, sweet child. You are perfect and that man is a fool not to see it. Despite never admitting to it, I believe he is ashamed of what happened to you that day."

"I do not believe that mother," I told her sadly. "I have never felt love from him, only resentment."

"ANASTASIA" we heard my father shout from downstairs as my mother chocked on a sob.

She was the only one who has ever cared for me in this house, her and some of the staff.

"She is coming Raymond" my mother called out, going to the top of the staircase.

"We are going to be late" he barked at her.

"You have plenty of time" mother replied as I joined her, my cane in hand.

Slowly we walked down the staircase together stopping in front of my waiting father.

"Good morning father," I said, hearing a grunt before I got a reply.

"Good morning Anastasia, we need to leave," he told me, offering me his arm.

I took it despite wanting to be defiant and walk out of the door on my own. It would be better this way, easier to remain quiet especially as he held the umbrella over my head to keep the rain that had been falling throughout the night from soaking us.

I tried my best to ignore the horses, keeping a wide birth from them as I climbed into the carriage. As the horses started their journey towards the gates of our home, our carriage followed behind.

I always smiled when I left these gates behind, knowing that although I was not free of those walls forever, I was for a little while.

"What are we going to speak to Dr Flynn about," I enquired as my fathers head turned to me.

"Just to make sure you are well," he told me the same thing he does every time before I know the rest of our journey was to remain silent.

I spent my time, looking through the window of the carriage as we passed by the tent and the train, both looking so much bigger than before. I could hear a loud noise like a trumpet, a sound that brought a smile to my face wondering what other wonders the tent held.

There were so many people about, townsfolk who had come to watch what was going on despite getting wet in the process and those who were at work all around. I do not think I had seen so many new things before and I hoped I got to see some more.

As we approached Dr Flynn's office in the middle of town, you could not miss all the posters that were around. From the trapeze to the clowns, from the animals to the jugglers, my excitement built with each one. As usual though, it did not last for long as my father's words ruined what bit of excitement I had.

"Speak when spoken to and do not embarrass me," my father had said as I dutifully nodded taking his hand as he helped me from the carriage.

I let go of his hand then, making my own way inside and took a seat once father had given the receptionist my name.

We had a little while to wait, something else my father had to grumble over especially when it was one of the circus folk who came out with a bandaged hand. He nodded to my father who ignored the gesture before nodding to me to which I returned with a smile.

"Ana…. Anastasia would you like to come in" Dr Flynn asked, rolling his eyes at my fathers look before he gave my full name.

I prefer Ana. Mother calls it me despite father complaining often. He would never use Ana for me.

"How have you been Ana" Dr Flynn asked, calling me by my preferred name now we were in private.

"Very well thank you," I replied, smiling at the good doctor.

"I am very glad to hear it," he said, looking at his notes before turning to my father. "What is it that I can do for you today Mr Steele if Ana is well."

"You know she is not well," he replied sternly.

"Ana can you please stand for me," Dr Flynn asked as I did what he said. "Now how old are you."

"The same age I was the last time we visited" I stated, smiling as he asked me this every visit, hoping that there would be a larger space of time between these wasted appointments. "I am 13 Dr Flynn."

"Ah, I remember. Now could you please walk towards the window for me."

"With or without the cane."

"Whichever is comfortable child," he answered.

I walked towards the window with my cane, stopping to look outside for a moment. You could just see the flag moving in the breeze on the top of the tent, hear music in the distance. I put it all aside for a moment as I turned back to the men, feeling my father's eyes on me at all times.

Leaving my cane by the window I slowly, very slowly made my way back to the chair and sat down.

I did not tell them my foot ached as it was manageable, I just smiled at my achievement even though I know my father never would.

"You see, she walks with a limp" My father said to Dr Flynn who had been to retrieve my cane from by the window, passing it back to me.

"But Ana walks. She could have died in that accident but she is here, passing every expectation I have had."

"But she cannot run," my father replied, coming up with another argument and speaking as if I was not even in the room.

"Why does she need to, what is the rush. Ana may be slower to move than her sibling but that does not mean that she cannot achieve the same things. Ana's only limitation is herself" he said, smiling at me. "With her spirit though, I do not think Ana will let anyone or anything stand in her way."

We left Dr Flynn's office with my father mumbling under his breath about what a waste of time our visit was. He is waiting for a miracle, I suppose I am waiting for one too, both of us I expect will be disappointed.

During our journey home, I ignored the huffs of my father, concentrating once more on the large tent ahead. Is it called a tent, it looks like one but maybe it has a name as grand at it is. Maybe mother will know what it is really called, I shall have to ask her once we are home.

As we passed the tent, I noticed that most of the townsfolk had dispersed now having probably headed home for some lunch. I was just thinking of lunch, having missed breakfast when there was an almighty crunch from below.

"Father," I said, startled with the loud noise as I gripped hold of his coat sleeve.

"Emmett what was that" father spoke, ignoring me as I heard our driver jump down.

"It appears we have a problem with the wheel sir."

"This carriage should be safe. My daughter is on board" he snapped, shocking both Emmett and myself at his outburst that he had remembered that I was even there.

Hearing voices approach though, I was quickly left alone.

I could not hear what they were saying over the rain that pounded on the top of the carriage. I only heard my fathers voice when someone asked if anyone was still inside and if so, it would be safer if they got out.

"My daughter, one moment," he said, opening the carriage door and gestured for me to follow him.

I took his hand, using my cane with the other to climb down to the ground, stepping away from the horses. There must be ten men here now, all who had come over to help, all who would probably receive no thanks from the man who was issuing orders now.

Me, I struggled to stay upright, holding my cane while keeping the umbrella that Emmett had given to me over my head.

I tried to forget about that for a moment though as only now that I was stood on the road, did I realise how close we were to the circus which made the excitement bubble up in me again.

"Let me" I heard someone at my side say, as I turned to see a boy who took hold of the umbrella, making it easier for me to stand.

"Thank you," I replied quietly, looking up into grey eyes as he held the umbrella over our heads.

I could not look away for a moment for where I was used to hiding, used to seeing sadness or pity on most faces. This boy, he had a smile, one that was quickly returned.

We stepped further back from the men as a man, larger than any I had seen and probably stronger than an ox came forward to help them get the wheel back into place. My father did nothing to help them, he stood by and let these strangers fix our carriage as if it was their job to do so.

My attention was quickly taken from them all when I heard a loud roar from behind us, one that made me stumble as the boy quickly offered a steady hand for a moment.

"Do not fear him," he told me.

"What was that," I asked.

"It was our lion, Growler is his name."

"A lion, but surely he is dangerous."

"Not really, can you keep a secret," he asked, stepping closer still.

"Of course" I whispered.

"Growler is a softy really. He has no teeth."

A giggle burst forth from me, one that gained disapproval from my father.

"Anastasia" he barked telling me to come over to his side.

I sighed, looking up to the boy and seeing the sadness I felt mirrored on his face.

We both went to my father as the boy defiantly stood at my side, still holding the umbrella despite my father telling him to give it to me. Would he rather I stumble and land in a puddle or would he rather I stay upright and dry. I do not want to think about what the answer to that question would be because I already know.

Hearing a cheer from the men, the wheel was back in place and secure once more. Father took the umbrella then leading me towards the carriage with not a word spoken to those who had helped or the boy.

"Christian, my name is Christian," the boy called out, earning a stern look from my father for stopping me.

"Ana" I replied, smiling before getting inside the carriage, my father's body soon blocking my view from those out of the door.

"Here, for your work" father said, throwing a money bag to one of the men.

He was about to turn around and climb into the carriage himself when he was startled as the man threw the bag back to him.

"No payment needed," he said.

I do not know what father did then, whether he nodded to the man or just sat by my side as the door was closed and we were soon on our way home.

I tried to look back but father closed the curtains behind us, blocking out the circus tent and those who were there. Plucking up the courage to ask something I had wanted to ask for a long time, the words quickly left my lips.

"Are you ashamed of me, embarrassed of me."

"Of course not, why would you ask me such a thing."

"You hide me away from the world."

"It is for your own good" he stated as if his words were final as we continued on our way.

….

I could hear the music downstairs, the ball my parents were throwing in full swing no doubt. I would not know because I was up in my room out of sight. Mother had come up to check on me many times, she even brought up some of the fancy food that was being served.

I know she would much prefer to stay up here for the night but this is my father's party and she is expected to be by his side.

I did not mind being up here alone though. I had my books, my imagination and a world of wonder outside of my window.

Mother had told me about her conversation with father although I could hear his angry voice booming through the house.

I would be attending the circus with my family in a few days, finally, having something to look forward to. I looked forward to seeing the clowns, the animals, even the lion with no teeth.

As I giggled to myself thinking of what was said, most of all I hoped I would see Christian once again.

**Thank you for reading, I hope you like it. **

**I haven't forgotten about a sequel to Nothing left to lose. That, I am still working on. **

**Until next time, take care. **

**Caroline**


	2. Chapter 2

CPOV

I had stood on that road long after the carriage had departed taking her further away from me. For the first time ever, I had spoken to someone who did not look down on us for the way we lived, someone who did not move away from me because of the way I was dressed. Her father, his reaction was as expected but Ana, she was a surprise.

It was Daisy who pulled my attention away from the empty road, my father's hand on my shoulder too as he steered me towards the big top telling me we had work to do.

"Why was he like that," I asked. "I mean we went over to help."

"There are those who think with the way we live, that they are better than us. Most think we are strange, vagrants because our home is a carriage on a train instead of a building made of bricks."

"Not all people are like that."

"No, not all. There are those who see past the life we lead, see the true beauty of the circus. Those people belong here with us."

"She was not like him" I stated.

"No, she was not," he told me smiling as we both turned when my mother brought the horses into the ring, ready to practice her act.

"What has you two huddled together," she asked, coming over with Pepper following behind while the other horses stayed put.

Out of all the horses, Pepper was the mischievous one, sniffing my pocket as if to find something good to eat.

"I have nothing" I laughed, running my hand over his nose before he took a treat from my father.

"Is there a problem" mother asked, knowing from our behaviour that something must have happened.

"Nothing my dear, just the usual."

"What, already. We have not even set up properly yet," she said exasperatedly. "Was it people not wanting us here."

"No nothing like that. A carriage broke down on the road so we offered our help. The gentleman spent more time grunting his disapproval of needing help from people like us than actually speaking."

"He is no gentleman then," mother said angrily.

"Please do not get yourself worked up Grace, some people are just not worth wasting time on. His daughter though was the complete opposite of him. Our Christian here kept her company while we helped fix their carriage."

"Did you now, and what was she like my son?…. Has it gone warm in here as you seem to have turned a lovely shade of pink" she teased.

"Mother please" I protested as they both laughed at me.

"What is so funny," Elena asked, joining us.

"I was just hearing about a girl my handsome son was helping," Mother told her friend.

"I held her umbrella so she did not get wet. She was struggling and I did not want her to stumble."

"Why would you think she would stumble," mother asked, more seriously now.

"She held a cane," I replied quietly. "She seemed unsteady trying to hold the umbrella also so I took it from her. She spoke to me, me Christian. She saw the circus and she saw me but like so many others she did not shy away."

"She is very special then," Elena said, making me smile. "I hope she gets the chance to come and see all of us."

"Not all of us" I teased, knowing that I did not think Ana would be particularly interested in the aftershow Elena and her girls offered. I have not been in that tent myself due to my young age but I do know what goes on in there, ladies in a state of undress on the stage. I do not think any female would be interested in seeing that and after knowing most of the women my whole life, it is not something I want to see either.

"No, not for her eyes or yours" Mother laughed before she turned to the horses and commanded their attention.

I stood in the middle of the ring, watching the horses dance around me. That is what it felt like they were doing as my mother directed their every move.

I remember the first time I rode into the ring on a horse, remember despite my age the excitement I felt. I was three, dressed in a ringmaster's costume, identical to my fathers and although my horse was tiny compared to these now, I really felt part of the circus for the first time.

I had watched my parents work hard, cheering on from my grandmother's knee. They built it up from the small circus my grandparents had started it as, travelling to more places around the country and bringing not only exotic animals into it, a far cry from the horses and camels it started with but brought in people from all different walks of life along the way.

People love the circus, they love to clap and cheer, but they also like to vilify us for coming into their town for a week or so and turning it upside down. We learnt a long time ago that we cannot please everyone so we do not even try. If we make one person smile and enough money to continue our journey then we are happy.

As I looked up to the roof of the top, I smiled seeing Andrea let go of her swing before being caught in mid-air by her brother Samuel.

From them to Clifford our head clown who was running around with his dog dotty, I could do nothing but smile.

I would not swap this life for anything, especially for four walls.

I left the big top, heading over to the menagerie, my place of work and my favourite place to be. I was welcomed as always by a growl and trumpet, both noises making me smile.

"You have been fed," I said, pulling some peanuts from my pocket and giving them to Daisy who with her trunk quickly moved them from my hand to her mouth.

Wanting attention too, I made my way over to Growler, making sure I gave Ola and Bob our resident camel's attention on the way. Bob, trust my father to name a camel when he has had too much ale. I could say the same for calling our elephant Daisy but she came with the name.

Making my way into his pen, I stood in front of Growler feeling no fear of him. I had rolled around in the dirt with this animal, rode on his back more times than I have a horse and felt completely safe at all times. Growler had been a baby when he came to us, purchased from a broken circus with his mother, Daisy too. All of them had been malnourished, on the verge of death and had been locked in the containers that had been their prison. The old ringmaster thought he could earn some money from them, all he earned was a punch from my father, three in fact for each animal we took. There were more animals there, although going into an endless sleep was the best for them.

His mother lasted two weeks with us before she fell asleep also leaving the elephant and the cub with me.

Daisy has many marks on her skin from a bullhook, an item you will never find here. Kind words are what she gravitates too and when we are in the ring or out in the midway, a cane not dissimilar to Ana's is used to gently guide her way.

Growler, his teeth were what brought him pain so the choice was taken to remove them. His is still a fierce beast to those who see him in the ring. To us though, he is a softy as my mother calls him.

Speaking of that softy, he was soon at my side, his large mouth wrapped around my arm. There was no pressure I felt, this was just Growler, leading me over to where his food was kept just outside of the pen.

"You have been fed also," I told him, as he released my slobbered arm. The same arm I brought up to his head running my fingers through his mane.

Hearing a growl from him, I made my way out of the pen, locking it behind me before I threw a piece of meat which was quickly pounced on. I left him alone while he ate, having the knowledge that although he is my friend, you do not get in between him and his food.

I was halfway through cleaning the camel's pen when I was joined by Elliot.

"I hear there was fun out on the road earlier," he said, as I looked at his bandaged hand.

"Yes, there was a problem with a carriage on the road. Father offered them some help."

"A damsel in distress I hear as well" he teased which made me roll my eyes.

"The men in this place gossip more so than the women."

"It was your mother actually" he laughed. "She and Elena were with Gail, quizzing Jason about this girl."

"Dear God. Minutes I was stood with her, minutes" I protested.

"She must have made an impression for you to get this worked up."

Scooping up some of the camel dung in my shovel, I sent it his way, narrowly missing him.

"Thanks just what I need, a shower of shit" he laughed.

"How is your hand."

"Hurts like hell but it could have been worse. When I fell I could have landed on my arse, splitting that open instead."

"You would be stuffed then with the amount of time you are sat on it" I laughed.

"I would say the same of you but you never sit down for long. My hand, I have to keep it clean, besides that, it is business as usual. Now tell me about this girl your parents are so interested in, does she happen to have long brown hair, walks with a cane and has a father with such a miserable face, you would think he had stood in some of this muck you are shovelling."

"Yes, that sounds like them," I said, trying not the smile. "You have seen them."

"In the doctor's office. I let on, he ignored me, the girl though was polite and offered a smile."

I nodded, knowing from those few moments we spent together that she had a beautiful heart. I do wonder how old she is though, maybe the same age as my fourteen years. I do hope that I get the chance to ask her, although there are so many other things I would like to know first.

"They seemed a well to do family, having money obviously."

"We have money, we just choose to spend it and our time in a different way. I was a street rat when your father caught me trying to pick his pocket in New York. I expected a hard hand around my head, a policeman to be called, instead, I was offered a way of life, a real family, something I had never had before."

"I am glad you came to join our crazy family Elliot. There is no other place I would ever want to call home."

"I agree, now hand me a shovel," he told me.

"As long as no shit is coming in my direction."

"Who me, I would never do anything like that," he told me, laughing before I was hit with some hard dung in the back of the leg.

…

Seeing the flag raised in the cookhouse, I joined all the others heading for our evening meal. During show times, meals can be rushed but this evening there was calm, our last night of relaxation before the gates open tomorrow.

"Hush all you scallywags" my father called out when everyone had food and was seated, he himself standing on a bench and earning laughter from all around.

"Who are you calling a scallywag" Mother protested, making me laugh even more as I watched him apologise to her.

If there was ever a true love, it was my parents. From the moment they met when my father had come to watch my grandparent's circus, they were inseparable. Two days was all he knew my mother before he packed his bags and climbed on board the train. His father was a lawyer, his mother a dancer at the time and unlike the pressures some parents put on their children, my grandparents saw where his heart truly lay and told him to follow his dream, my mother.

It has not all been sunshine and rainbows especially with trouble from outside but they have faced it together, standing side by side.

"Tomorrow we open the doors of our home, to all who want to enter. I do not expect everyone to like us being here, it would be a miracle if they did. I expect this troupe, this family to look after one another, to make people smile, to cheer and to leave with lighter pockets."

At his final words, a cheer louder than before went up.

"Let us have a good show, let us leave these people with memories that will last a lifetime and hopefully memories we will cherish too. To the Grey, to the Trevelyan family circus" mother added, finishing as always my father's speech as glasses clinked together.

My father stepped down from the bench, kissing my mother before both taking a seat by my side. I tucked into my dinner, famished after the busy day that I had had. Tomorrow would be busier but I would look forward to that day too.

"Tomorrow, you take Daisy into town," Father told me, as I nodded due to my mouth being full of beef. Finally swallowing I was able to properly reply.

"Am I just walking her or should I ride?" I asked him.

"Walk with her, she is much more comfortable in a busy place with you walking by her side. I do not want someone getting trod on if they came too close. Your mother and I will lead with Pepper if you bring Daisy along behind."

"That girl would probably sit down in the middle of the road and refuse to move," mother said, a laugh leaving her lips.

I knew she was right and it was also one of the few things I had been able to get Daisy to do, sit there and command attention. I would make sure I had peanuts and plenty of them in my pocket to reward her as we go.

…

As the light started to fade once dinner was over, it was like most split off into groups. You would always find those who liked to have one more practice, one more run through of their act to make sure it was perfect for opening night. Walking past one of our jugglers who was doing just that, I scooped one of the balls from the air, throwing it over my shoulder so he had to reach for it. He was expecting it as I do it all the time and like always it was quickly caught and back within the group, flying through the air.

"Christian are you playing," Jason asked me when I reached him.

He was sat with his guitar, strumming it quietly outside of their carriage while Gail sat on the steps looking on.

"Of course, let me get mine," I told him, climbing on board the train and made my way through to my parent's carriage.

I had to be careful which way I went as it would not be proper for me to go through the ladies carriage, especially if they were in a state of undress. Finding myself in the carriage I shared with my parents, I entered my room, picking my guitar up from the bottom of my bed.

Turning towards the door, a flash of red and gold caught my eye. My mind went back to earlier in the day when I had been thinking of my first time in the ring as I pulled the small ringmasters costume from the closet.

It was tiny compared to how I was now, even though it had only been eleven years since then. I had grown quite a lot in that time, being the same height as my father now. Putting the top hat onto my head, I turned to the mirror unable to stop my laugh. No, I would definitely not fit in any of this costume again but maybe one day if I had a son of my own, it could be his.

Leaving the carriage, I took a seat on one of the bales of hay that had been moved from inside the big top, making a seat for us now.

As we started to play, first quietly before the sound rose when we were joined by others bringing their own instruments, there was a lot of laughter, some dancing too. There are many things that I love with being part of the circus but moments like this, when we come together, they are some of the best.

"I do not know what day it is" Elliot muttered as Jason and I helped him to his bed.

"I do doubt that you know what year it is also" Jason replied as we dropped him onto his bunk.

"It is 1623" he mumbled, making us both laugh.

"Close my friend but not that close. It is 1853."

"He will have a sore head come morning," Jason told me.

"It will take his focus away from his hand then" I replied.

"That it will."

We left Elliot snoring in his bunk before going our separate ways. The morning will be here soon enough and it will bring with it excitement, smiles and laughter and hopefully a beautiful girl.

….

As Daisy and I walked through the city streets with a hungover Elliot, I could feel the excitement all around me. Children wanted to pet her as if she was a dog, feed her peanuts which the greedy girl quickly ate up. Jason our strong man was with me, not just to show how much he could carry but also in case someone stepped out of line. My father was walking in front of us, with my mother sat on top of Pepper waving to the crowds below.

"How do you get the elephant to walk by your side," a woman who had two excitable children asked me.

"We have been together a long time, besides she knows there are peanuts in my pocket" I explained, hearing the children's laughter.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND NOT FORGETTING OUR VERY IMPORTANT GUESTS, THE CHILDREN, I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH. WHAT YOU WILL SEE TONIGHT WILL NOT ONLY AMAZE YOU, IT WILL ASTOUND YOU AND HAVE YOU RISING FROM YOUR SEATS TO CLAP AND CHEER. NOW WHO OF YOU LIKES THE CLOWNS" he asked, hearing cheers from the crowd which only grew louder especially from the children as Clifford appeared from beyond the gates before rolling on the street when Dotty jumped onto his back.

Our circus does not start inside the big top, it starts the second the posters go up in town. Seeing the children run about now under the shower of water Daisy's trunk caused, I would say this part of the plan had worked because tickets for tonight's performance and those thereafter were soon sold out.

….

"Is she here?" Mother asked as I looked through the curtains which were closed while Clifford, Dotty and the rest of the clowns brought laughter to those all around.

"I did not see her outside, and I can not see her in here," I told my mother as I scanned the seats around the ring.

"Maybe they were unable to procure seats for this evening, there are more nights to come Son."

"I know," I said, sadly.

How can one person, I do not know fill my thoughts so much. _Because she saw the real me and did not look away_.

I would give anything for those few moments again but as the days and evenings passed I had resided myself to the fact that whatever I had to give would never be enough.

….

"IT IS OUR FINAL NIGHT HERE, LET US GO OUT WITH A BANG," Mother said, finishing my father's speech once again.

Our time here had been busy, not a spare seat to be found any night and that was only once they were through the midway. There, Elliot did card tricks and magic to mystify our guests, making them part with quite a bit of money in the process. There were food and gifts stands also to purchase something to enjoy during the performance or to take home as a souvenir. We also had pony rides too but the star attraction in the midway for the past few nights was Daisy as she sometimes sat right in the middle and much to our guest's amusement had stubbornly refused to move out of the way.

That is what the townsfolk thought as they quickly paid to have their moment with her, while all it would have taken would have been the show of a peanut and my command and she would have been quickly following after me.

All of it brought money into the circus, to us, and being out there also gave me a chance to look for Ana.

Tonight on our last night in town, my work would be in the ring only. The animals were ready but instead of me being in the menagerie with them now, I was out in the midway as the gates opened, hoping that she would be here.

I had heard father welcome them, all dressed up as the showman he is, ready to command the circus tonight. I had heard the cheers as the gates opened, now I just had to wait.

The crowd soon filled the midway as I looked all around. I had Elliot and father looking too, even Jason. Although he was walking around with children hanging off his arms, his eyes were pealed too.

I spotted him first, my heart faltering for a moment as I looked to his side, seeing only a blond girl probably my own age. She looked just like her father, the same sour expression on her face as if she had stood in something bad.

"Did he not bring her?" I said more to myself, not realising my father had come to my side.

"Take another look son," he told me.

I stepped sideways, apologising to the large woman I had bumped into, her complaints ignored as I finally saw the one person I had been waiting all week to see.

She was here, walking slowly using her cane and was with who I could only think as they looked so alike, was her mother. I was soon moving forward through the crowd, hearing my fathers laughter behind me.

I was so close to her but I felt so far away especially when they were caught up in the throng of people who were now making their way towards the big top.

"Ana" I called out, my words disappearing in the excited chatter of the crowd.

"Ana, ANA" I shouted.

It was her mother who looked around for who had shouted, her eyes settling on me as I stood on a barrel by one of the food trucks.

I could see her mother speaking to her, Ana's head now turning this way and that before she finally found me.

The smile that filled her face then could only be matched by my own. The wave she sent me, quickly returned. He drew their attention then, demanding that they keep up which earned from what I could see a stern word from his wife. Ana's face never left mine though and mine never left hers until they were out of sight inside the big top.

Now she was here, I could finally relax and enjoy myself. They came for the show, and an amazing one they would see as we would show everyone inside that top what life was like in a real circus and that we were not just a bunch of freaks. When I am in that ring, whether with Growler or Daisy tonight, the only thing I wanted to show Ana though, was me.

**Thank you for reading and thank you for all the reviews, follows and favourites.**

**I was originally going to have the characters much younger but that would mean about twenty chapters until they were together and they would not have had the chance to bond the way they will. **

**Until next time when Ana gets to enjoy her first circus and comes face to face with Christian again. **

**Take care. **

**Caroline.**


	3. Chapter 3

APOV

I could not believe where I was standing even though I had pinched myself many times since climbing out of the carriage. The atmosphere all around hit me as soon as we walked through the gates, the many attractions that I know I will never be allowed to partake in a marvel in themselves.

It all paled into significance once I had seen the smile upon Christian's face and now sat in our seats, I could not wait to see him again.

All week I had been promised that we would go that evening, only for my father to come up with some excuse that he had to work and was unable to attend. Under no circumstances were we to go without him so it took my mother putting her foot down and informing him that if he did not attend this evening we would be going without him, did he finally agree we could go.

Does it cost that much of his time to spend an evening with his family, or is it that he just does not want to spend time with me.

When the music started in the Big Top, that is what my mother had called it, cheers went up all around. A man, one I had seen when I was stood at the side of the road entered, dressed in red and gold. He stopped in the middle of the ring smiling at everyone before he held his arms out, turning around so everyone could see him. As he was doing this, the music and audience quietened.

"WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IT IS A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU THIS EVENING IN OUR HOME."

"If this is their home, I would hate to see what the bathroom looked like," Katherine said, snidely before being told to be quiet by our mother.

She was the one who put up the most protest when the circus was mentioned at dinner the night of my doctor's appointment. Apparently, me being out in public is not just an embarrassment to my father but my sister as well. I ignore them both. As long as I have my mother, I have all the family I need.

Paying attention to the man again, I laughed when he introduced the clowns. There were four in total, although if one of them was that tall, he would be the tallest man I had ever seen.

"How is he that tall," I asked my mother, having to raise my voice over all the laughter.

"He will be on stilts. He will have wooden blocks attached to his shoes which make him taller."

I smiled, turning back to them, laughing myself when I saw the little dog running around the ring. As one clown was trying to put items into a bucket, the dog was taking them out again and then hiding them behind a bale of hay. The clown was becoming more flummoxed by the minute which brought more laughter from the crowd, myself included.

When the clowns left the ring, it was filled with dancers, an intermission mother told me before the next act. They moved beautifully, their movements fluid, something I do not think I could ever do myself.

As everyone was focused on them, I looked around the ring and to the top of the roof where I could see two people getting into position. The trapeze must be next, that alone brought butterflies to my stomach as they were so high up. To be able to be free to fly through the air must be a thrilling experience and yet again something I could never do.

My focus leaving the roof, I looked towards the curtains where the dancers had come from, seeing movement from the side.

I had to stifle a giggled as Christian's head was halfway out, looking for hopefully me. Once again I waved, hoping I did not get the attention of my family who were still watching the dancers.

Receiving a wave back and a smile, he soon emerged from behind the curtain, before I lost sight of him as he walked behind the rows of seats. They were more like wooden benches that went up in layers that we were sat on. I suppose they had a name too but one I did not know.

From my seat on the second row, I looked around before I felt him at my side. Being on the end as far away from my father and sister as I could knowingly sit, I found I could speak quietly to him without them knowing.

"How are you," he asked me.

"I am well, how are you."

"We have been busy. I did not know if you would come."

"It has been a struggle with my father to relent but I have learned this week that my mother can be just as stubborn as he is…. This place is magnificent."

"Thank you, I could not imagine calling any other place my home."

"You are very lucky," I told him quietly before our words were drowned out by the cheers and gasps that had gone up around the big top.

While we had been speaking, the trapeze artist had been swinging above us and although it is something I have always wanted to see, speaking to Christian was something I wanted to do more.

"Christian, you are on next," a man said, nodding his head in greeting to me.

"I will be there soon Luke," he told him before the man departed, leaving us as alone as we could be with hundreds of people.

"I had better go and do my work," he said, smiling at me.

"What will you do."

"It is time to let Growler out of his cage," he said, smiling when he heard my gasp.

His lion, the one I had heard that day on the road, he was bringing him out. Leaving me alone again, I waited, ignoring the trapeze up above as my eyes fixed on that curtain, waiting for Christian to emerge once again.

…

The ringmaster came out once the trapeze artists had taken their applause, the whole big top quietening down now waiting with bated breath for him to speak and announce what was next.

"ARE YOU ALL ENJOYING THE SHOW?" he asked, calling out so that everyone could hear him.

"YES" was the one word that went around the audience, my yes and my mothers included.

"I AM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT. NOW IF YOU HAVE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE OUR SHOW ON PREVIOUS EVENINGS OR HAD BEEN OUT IN THE TOWN WHEN WE FIRST ARRIVED, YOU WOULD HAVE MET OUR ELEPHANT. HAVE YOU" he asked.

"Yes, they wet me" a small boy called out as the ringmaster approached him.

"Was it fun?" he asked him.

"Yes, lots of fun" the boy laughed.

"I am glad. NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN TOO, YOU ARE ABOUT TO MEET ANOTHER MEMBER OF OUR CIRCUS FAMILY WHO CAME TO US THE DAY OUR ELEPHANT DID. ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU STAY IN YOUR SEATS, I PROMISE THAT YOU ARE COMPLETELY SAFE. IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU, MY SON CHRISTIAN AND OUR LION, GROWLER."

You could hear the gasps that echoed around the tent, feel the fear also especially when the curtain opened and this giant beast emerged. There was no tether on this lion, he just plodded forward, looking this way and that before lying down in the middle of the ring.

My eyes were on Christian who had followed Growler into the ring, standing still before him. One movement of his hand was all it took before Growler stood, climbing onto a platform built between two barrels. He walked over the platform, jumping through the hoop on the other side. As growler walked around the side of the ring, taking a run at another hoop, he was quickly through that too.

"How is he doing that," Katherine asked and if I was not mistaken, I was sure it was awe in her voice.

"He must beat the animal, it must be fear that is making the beast follow his every command," my father told her, making me angry that he should say such a thing.

"Not everything has to be put down or beaten for them to follow a friendly command," I told him, turning away from his stern look and focused on Christian's act once again.

"NOW I URGE YOU NEVER TO TRY THIS AT HOME. THAT IS IF YOU HAVE A LION OF YOUR OWN" The ringmaster who I now knew as Christian's father said, earning laughter from the crowd.

Another hoop was brought into the ring, this one set on fire. Everyone was focused on that but what they should have been focusing on was the way Christian was with the lion. They were stood side by side, Christian resting his hand on Growlers head. At his command the lion ran forward, jumping through the fire to land on the other side.

The cheers were thunderous as the fire was put out, and there were no gasps any more when Christian brought his head down to Growlers, receiving a lick to his face before being offered a paw.

No fear made that bond between them, it was kindness, patience and love. As they left the ring together, both turning around near the curtain, Christian waved once more before they were soon out of sight.

"That was amazing, a true bond between man and beast," an old man said, sitting on the row before us, speaking to his wife before turning to my father when he agreed. What a hypocrite my father is.

The dancers were out again on the outside of the ring as we all waited in anticipation for what was to come next. I hoped Christian would be able to come back out again if only so I could congratulate him on a wonderful show.

It was horses that were to emerge from behind the curtain next which had me rigid in my seat.

"Seriously, we have just seen a lion in the ring and you are still terrified of a horse" Katherine laughed at me and I think her words amused my father too.

They were right, I would take my chances with a lion any day than feel the pain of being trampled again.

"Mother, I am just going to see if they have a bathroom I can use."

"Alright, sweetheart. Do you want me to come with you" she said and I knew by the tone of her voice she was not happy with my sister or father at the moment.

"No, I will be fine. You enjoy the show, I will not be long."

I made my way along the benches, past my snickering sister and ignored my father's command to sit back down as I looked for an opening in the tent side.

I know I had to get over this fear of horses, it was silly and If I am truthful with myself, I do not think it is even a fear of them really, more that it reminds me of that day. I think seeing a horse brings back the betrayal I felt at my father's words and actions that continue on even to this day. One day, I will face a horse and get past these feelings because no matter what I do, nothing will ever change how my father feels about me. Today is not that day though as I felt a sickness build up inside as I continued looking for the exit. I just needed to get some air for a few moments before I went back inside, wanting more than ever to see the rest of the show.

I found myself in a place I do not think I should be. This was their area, their home and although some saw me, I was offered smiles and never told to go away.

It was so quiet here, a world away from the noise I know would be in the big top. A few moments more, I told myself, knowing this was the first time I had ever been able to be on my own when I was not at home. For just this moment, I could imagine I was free.

The train was before me, carriage doors open and steps down from each one. I took a seat on one of these steps, still waiting for someone to move me on, but yet again although three women passed me all in dresses that sparkled, I was still left alone.

"Are you alright miss?" a woman asked, the first person to speak to me.

She had a gentle voice and with the way she looked at me, she reminded me of my mother.

"I am fine," I told her. "I apologise for the intrusion. I needed a breath of fresh air and found myself on this side instead of the way we came in."

"No apologies needed, it can happen. You are Ana."

"How do you know," I asked her.

"My husband Jason was there when your carriage broke down. He is the strongman in this show. There is also Christian, he has had quite a bit of teasing from some of the others because he spoke of Ana, who held a cane."

At her words, I felt a sadness that he was being teased for knowing someone like me.

"I should go," I told her, reaching for my cane which I had leant against the step. With my hands now shaking, I sent it falling to the fall.

"You misunderstand me, I can see the worry on your face. The teasing has nothing to do with your cane or your foot but that he had finally come out of the menagerie long enough to speak to a girl. We are all different here, we are all individual. Living with these people, I know more than ever that it doesn't matter what you look like or where you come from or even the colour of your skin. Everyone is welcome, everyone is included."

I nodded, smiling at her words, especially when she told me to stay as long as I liked.

I was left alone once again, deciding to head back into the circus not long after. I do not know how much time had passed, I could still hear the cheers from inside though.

Bending down to pick my cane up, I noticed some small flowers in the long grass. I do not know how I had not seen them before because they were all around, daisies. This part of the rail track was just off the main line and had been opened only for the circus this past week I hear. It leads from what I can see to an old engine shed so I do not think it will be open again once they leave unless it was needed. That thought alone saddened me as I know this was the last night it would be here. The last night for Christian too, as where he would be tomorrow, I did not know.

Making my way slowly back towards the opening of the big top, it was a noise that I had heard that first day that made my steps falter. Hearing it once more, I looked around before stepping inside one of the larger tents.

This was where the animals were kept but more importantly, this was where Christian must spend his day. Seeing what was in front of me, I brought my hand up to my mouth and struggled not to cry.

I remember reading a story when I was little, about an elephant who just wanted a friend. My mother would read that every night to me until I was old enough to read it myself. It is still on my bookshelf now, even though I know it is a book for a young child.

Standing before the elephant now, I felt all the excitement I had felt when my mother would read to me. Did this elephant have a mouse as a friend also, or was that mouse much bigger, was it Christian.

As I slowly stepped closer to it, its trunk came out to me. I could not stop although I did not want to, my hand reaching out to touch it. She, he, they were beautiful, so much more beautiful than I could have imagined from the pictures I had seen.

"Her name is Daisy" I heard behind me, turning to see Christian and Growler stood there.

"Daisy, like this" I whispered, holding my hand open so he could see the flower that I had picked up when I had reached for my cane.

"Yes, I believe it would have been best suited for a cow, but as she came with the name, we could not, nor did we want to change it.

"I think Daisy is perfect for her," I said, laughing when her trunk landed softly on my shoulder.

"She likes you," he told me, coming closer, the lion as before by his side.

"As I like her," I told him before a gasp left my lips when the lion grabbed onto his arm.

"He has no teeth remember and I feel no pressure on my arm," Christian said, running his hand through the lion's mane before he let Growler guide him to his pen.

Leaving him inside, he threw in some meat before coming over to me.

"I cannot even begin to imagine how you can become so close to a lion like that."

"Growler came to us as a cub with his mother and Daisy from another circus. These two were the only ones which survived the harsh treatments they felt there. They respond to kindness, especially Daisy" he said, rubbing his hand over what once must have been cuts in her skin. "Time can be an incredible healer, that is what they both needed and that is what they received. Growler's mother only lasted a few weeks here with us so in a way he was raised by us, by my parents."

"You were his playmate then."

"Yes, and I still am. There is an incredible amount of trust between us and although he is always cautious when meeting new people, there can be trust there too."

"You must live such a rich life," I told him.

"Rich as in monetary," he asked me, a puzzled look on his face as if to say with the giant droppings, the straw, there was nothing rich here.

"Rich as in full of life, as in having the freedom to live your life the way you wish to. Money is not everything, the friendship you have with these animals, the love, that is worth so much more."

"You are right, I could not imagine myself doing anything else."

As we continued to speak, I forgot about the performances I had come here to see. If I was honest with myself, it was the boy before me who had me wanting to come. Everything else around us is a bonus.

"You leave tomorrow, where do you go from here."

"I believe Portland is our next big town but we have a few other stops on the way there. We will travel until winter comes and then we will go back home."

"I am glad you came, if only for a short while. You all being here have certainly brightened my week, my year."

"I am glad Ana, or is it, Anastasia."

"Oh, Ana, please. Only my father ever calls me Anastasia and never in a nice way."

"Your foot, if I may ask," he said, gesturing for me to take a seat on one of the many bales of hay.

"It was a horse, I fell as a child and because I screamed, I scared the horse and was trodden on. When the horses came out today, it made me nervous which brought laughter from my sister that your lion did not scare me but those horses did."

"I am sorry about your accident. Our horses, just like Growler and Daisy, there is nothing to fear from them. Pepper may try and munch on your pocket for something to eat but they are all well trained and are used to lots of noises so nothing will spook them."

"Even snoring lions," I said, giggling as we heard the now fast asleep lion's snores.

"Even him. Would you like to give Daisy a treat?" he asked.

"I would love to," I told him, getting up from my seat and took the hand full of peanuts he offered me.

"Just lay your hand flat, she will do the rest," he told me, taking hold of my hand to show me what to do.

In my other hand, I held my cane. The daisy too which was probably squashed.

I laughed, feeling Daisy take the peanuts from me, laughing louder still when her trunk came back for more. Like every bit of happiness I had had in my life it had to be ruined by my father.

"Where have you been" he called out, coming into the tent. "I did not raise you to go off with a boy."

"Do not speak to her like that" Christian told him.

"She is my daughter, I will speak to her how I like."

He grabbed my hand, pulling my cane from my other so I had no choice but grip hold of his coat as he pulled me towards the exit. The noise we were making had woken Growler who had let out an almighty roar.

"Please father, please stop, I cannot keep up," I told him, as he pulled me through the now emptying big top and out of the other side.

"Let her go" Christian shouted, running after us, which caused a crowd of circus workers to assemble as they must have thought one of their own was in trouble.

"Do not speak to me like that boy" he said turning on him as we reached my mother and sister who had been waiting by the carriage.

"Where have you been," Katherine asked me angrily while my mother held onto me, my cane still in my father's hand.

He waved it about at Christian who stood his ground in front of him. I was worried that my father would hit him with it but when his father appeared in front of my own, his angry tirade ended.

"What is the problem," the ringmaster asked.

"This boy, corrupting my girl."

"I got lost needing to get some fresh air. I found myself in that tent when I was finding my way back into the big top" I called out to him.

"I do not want to hear one more word from you, Anastasia."

"No, you never do."

"This young girl speaks the truth," the woman I had spoken to by the train said, coming to the front of the group. "She had wandered into the back yard, needing some air as it was warm inside the top. She was taking a seat on the train steps when I found her."

"Be that as it may, that does not explain why he did not help her find her family and steer her out of that dangerous area."

"That area was not dangerous" Christian protested. "And we were speaking about the circus, about the show."

"You have a lion in that area, of course, it was dangerous you stupid boy."

I heard gasps at his words and could see the anger fill the ringmasters face too.

"Do not call my son stupid. Anyone who causes a disturbance before finding out the true facts is the stupid one. Now you can look down on me all you want, you did it enough when we helped you on your way days ago but I will not put up with you doing that to my son."

My father was flummoxed that he could not insult or bully his way out of this situation without earning a bloody nose. Turning on his heal instead he pulled me from my mothers grasp and practically pushed me through the carriage door, ignoring my mothers shouts for him to let me go this time. As far as he was concerned, it was my actions, not his own that had embarrassed him and the quicker I was out of sight, the better.

"You stay away from my daughter otherwise a policeman will be called. I do not want her associating with people like you" we all heard him say.

Mother pushed passed him, climbing into the carriage, quickly pulling me into her side. She was so angry with my father but I do not think it could ever match, how much anger I felt myself.

Once we were all inside and the horses pulled away, I looked through the window behind. I could see Christian start to come after us before I could see his father pulling him back. I did not even have the chance to say goodbye or thank him for those few moments I would cherish for a long time.

In those few moments, I felt no disability, I felt nothing holding me back. I realised how freedom could feel, how at complete ease I felt speaking with him.

I know Christian leaves tomorrow and there is a chance now he will never return. Although my heart is breaking at the moment for what had happened, for what my father ruined, there was also a tiny spot of happiness inside me because for a moment there I maybe had a friend and I would never forget him.

**Thank you for reading. I'm a wuss, I need a tissue now. **

**Christian leaves next chapter and as I am not one to drag it out, he will be back with Ana by chapter five. **

**As a reader you might have to ignore the history of some of the locations they will visit during this story as while researching places, some, in reality, did not have a railway at that time and some may not have existed at all in 1853. **

**Until next time, take care. **

**Caroline. **


	4. Chapter 4

CPOV

My body was shaking with anger as my father held me to him. How dare he put his hands on her like that, how dare he cause her pain. I do not care that he is her father, he has no right to treat Ana like that.

"Christian please calm yourself," my mother said, coming to stand in front of me, as my father remained behind.

"Why did he do that, she is his own flesh and blood. Ana struggles to walk as it is and he pulled her, knowing full well he was hurting her. Why, WHY."

"I do not know Christian, I wish I could give you an answer."

"I hope you can leave tomorrow without any trouble," a voice behind us said as we turned to see a policeman stood where only moments ago the horse-drawn carriage was.

"We are not the ones who were causing trouble here," my father told him but I was unsure with the look the policeman was sending my way at the moment if he believed him.

I wanted to go and find Ana but I had no clue as to where she would be. I do not think I would get any help in this town either so I shrugged my way free from my fathers grasp, heading back to the only place that would keep me calm at the moment, the menagerie.

They knew as soon as I entered that something was wrong. With the fact that they are animals and some fierce ones at best, this is a calm space for them and that man had ruined that. Daisy was the first one to make a noise, her loud trumpet making my ears hurt. Add to that then, Growler's roar and neither of them were happy.

"I know, I know," I said, putting my hand through the bars of Growlers pen, his head resting against my palm. Daisy, she did what she had done to Ana earlier, her trunk reaching over to touch my shoulder.

"If she was older, I would encourage you to ask her to leave with us," my mother said, entering the tent. "For her to leave now at such a young age, would see us all spending time behind bars."

"I have never spoken to someone outside of our family with such ease as I had been able to speak to Ana. She is too good for me, I know that and that man made that perfectly clear but that did not mean that I did not want to spend more time with her."

"Christian, no one is too good for you. Just because our home is a steam train, our jobs in a circus, does not make them better than us. Do you really think Ana would say she is too good for you."

"No, from what little I know of her, I do not think she would ever say that," I told her, sitting down on the hay bale.

I bowed my head, feeling weary with the way the day, no the week had gone. All week I had waited and hoped to see Ana and it had ended like this.

Opening my eyes, my focus settled on a tiny item on the grass floor. The flower, the daisy, Ana had held not so long ago, dropped in the struggle.

"What is it," my mother asked.

"A flower, a daisy. Ana had held it before."

"I am sorry son. I wish we could stay longer, I wish you could see her again but tomorrow we have to move on."

"Will we come back?" I asked.

"Of course we will," she told me.

Her answer should have brought happiness but I know when we return to this town once again it will be two years from now.

…

They had started dismantling the big top not long after we had loaded the animals onto the train. We would have normally done that last thing in the morning but my father wanted to be away at first light.

I ignored what was going on outside as I sat on the end of my bed strumming away at my guitar, needing to be alone with my thoughts for a while.

I had taken a book down from my shelf, one of my grandmothers that was filled with poetry and placed the daisy inside. That is where it will stay until I can return it to Ana no matter how long it takes until then.

I did not look out of the window when the train started moving the next morning, the whistle signalling our departure to the town. I could hear the crowd that had come to say goodbye, although I ignored them all. I did not know how long it would take us until we got to our next stop, only that I would remain in my room until we did. That was what I thought anyway until my father came and told me that evening that Daisy was sick.

I do not think I had ever moved so quickly, nearly knocking him out of the way as I rushed from my room. I made my way down the train to the back, ignoring those I met along the way, especially closing my eyes as I made my way through the women's carriage before I reached the animal cars.

"What is wrong with her," I asked Luke who looked like he was cleaning up vomit.

"I do not know. I wonder if she has eaten something she should not have, maybe some rotten meat."

"She does not eat meat and her food was always kept away from the others," I told him, taking a look in my girl's sad eyes.

Seeing I was here, she seemed to relax, laying her trunk over my legs when I sat down by her side.

I had peed off the back of a moving train, many times over the years but that was just for fun. These past few days had been out of necessity as I had refused to move from the animal car. Arriving in Chehalis, our next stop was a relief for us all as we could finally get Daisy some real help.

Although the vet here was used to smaller animals, he still checked her over, doing various tests on my girl. Daisy had felt much better as the days went on but it would be a while before she was back in that ring again or out in the midway. With my heart heavy ever since we had left Montesano, I did not want to be out there either but like always the show must go on, as moping around, I would be letting many people down.

"Son you need to snap out of this," my father told me when we reached Portland

"I know, I am father," I told him, emerging from the carriage for dinner but I was stopped from going any further by Elliot who was pulling one of the roustabouts behind him, by his ear.

"Come on, stop, yur hurting me" he called out, trying to pull himself from Elliot's grasp.

"Elliot, let the man go," my father told him, and much to the man's relief he did just that.

"What is going on," I asked my friend.

"Tell them, you scoundrel," Elliot said angrily.

"I did not mean to, I mean it was not a lot."

"What was not a lot," I said, getting fed up with these none answers.

"Our last night in Montesano, because we were packing up, we got to dinner late when the tables had been put away so I started eating my dinner sat on the side of the animal car. Leila and Susannah started dancing around outside of their tent which was being dismantled as with the trouble, no one stayed behind to watch their show. I went to watch too and forgot I had left the remains of my dinner behind. When I remembered and rushed back, the elephant had just finished eating it."

"YOU ARE THE REASON SHE GOT SICK" I roared at him, louder than even Growler could.

"I am sorry, I did not expect the elephant to get sick. I tried to give her water, hoping that it would flush the food out of her system but she just covered me with it."

"Son, he made a mistake, one that will never be repeated," My father said, resting his hand on my shoulder.

"No sir, it never will" he apologised.

"I understand, anyone can make a mistake. It is hiding it that I do not like, especially when it is information that we would have needed."

"I can only apologise again sir," he told me to which I nodded.

"Alright but stay away from my animals."

I watched the man scurry away no doubt thankful that he still had a place with us. Others who had stopped to see what was going on went about their day as well, either happy there was nothing to be seen or disgruntled that they missed a good fight.

"Your animals," my father said, his question making me turn to him with a smile.

"Yes mine, although Pepper can be yours."

He laughed, knowing _that_ horse had a soft spot for my father just like he had a soft spot for him. I will keep my lion, my elephant and the camels. Horses, they are too tame for me.

…

Leaving Portland behind we moved on, two people heavier. My father had been approached by a Mexican man called Jose, his sister Adriana too. They walked the high wire as well as being good on the trapeze, and with my parent's both being happy with what they saw, they were invited along for the ride.

For the first week, they pretty much kept to themselves, I think probably worried someone would cause trouble due to the colour of their skin. They soon realised though that there is none of that here, we are all equals and just as if someone tried to cause trouble with us for the way we live, any problems they face will be swiftly dealt with, by all of us together.

….

My fifteenth birthday was spent in California that year, a place we had never visited before. Christmas though was at home not far from Seattle just like every other year, a little relaxation before the next part of our tour. When my sixteenth birthday came around there was only one thing that I wished for and it was the same as my wish last year. That was for Ana to be happy and that when we returned the following year she would still be there.

I did not know what her father would do, would he keep her locked up or be cruel and send her away. Either was bad enough, neither I wanted Ana to have to live through but as I had to keep reminding myself at that time, there was nothing I could do.

….

"Do you think you could get Daisy to do something more than just walking around the ring."

"I can get her to sit down, ask her politely to shower the audience with water," I told my father, asking her to do much more than that was asking for miracles.

We had been discussing acts for the next year, the year that we go back to Montesano. September we are due back there which by then will be nearly two and a half years since we left.

Like always we were at home for Christmas, our circus broken up for a little while. We would be here until mid-February when our tour resumes.

We had a new cat now, Hera who I have been training up for the past year. She came to us not much older than Growler did due to some idiotic person purchasing her as a pet. All of our animals came to us from broken homes and all of us know they would be better in the wild. They would not survive out there though with how they were initially raised so they find a home with us here.

"I would like to get both Hera and Growler in the ring together but I am unsure of how Hera will behave."

"You believe she will bite someone," my mother asked me.

"No, not us. When they are together, she had a tendency to distract Growler. A nibble of his tale here or there just to get his attention."

"She is mischievous, like a feline clown" my mother laughed.

"I do not think you could put red noses on their faces. You will not get one on mine either."

"No, but they pick up on your personality. They, especially Growler has fun because you do. Hera, despite being young, is picking up on that."

"I will practice with them but it will depend on how they are behaving on that day as to whether I have one or both in the ring. I do believe that before we try it on the paying public, I should fill the ring with all of our staff."

"Do you think they will mate?" my mother asked me.

"I do not know, that is up to them. As long as they do not fight I am happy, as I would hate to keep them apart."

I left the warmth of my parents kitchen, heading out into the large sheds that were to the rear. All year we had been surrounded by towns and by people. Being surrounded by trees and mountains now, despite the cold was a nice change.

I entered the elephant shed first, ignoring the growls coming from the cats. They would get their attention soon enough but I would feed Daisy first.

"We need to get you a friend as the others are all in twos…. I sound like Noah" I spoke, laughing to myself.

I entered her pen, running my hand over her face and back and narrowingly avoided her swishing tail. Her trunk, like always went straight to my pocket, interrupting the checks I do with all the animals every day. How anyone could say that large animals were dumb, how she only moves with a stick around the room. Some do not see the personality of these animals when they are in the ring, how much trust is earned just so they will be with me.

Having nothing in my pocket, I put some food out for her before I started to clean up the mess that was here. It did not matter if it was Christmas day or a birthday, these animals needs always came first.

Leaving Daisy to her breakfast, I said hello to Ola and Bob and fed and cleaned them too. When I arrived in the cat shed, I noticed they were circling each other.

"What has you two so angry" I called out, getting their attention which made Growler ignore her as he came over to the side of the pen where I was.

I moved my fingers through the bars, his head immediately against them. That was before he let out a roar and turned his head towards Hera who yet again was hanging off his tail.

"She likes him but he has no time for her," My father said, joining me.

"She is very excitable, too excitable for our lazy boy. He is laid back and enjoys the peace, she wants his attention. Maybe separating them would be best" I told him.

"You are our animal expert Christian, you have been since you were a little boy, finding out everything about every animal we have had. If you believe separating them is best."

"I do not, not in the long run. Maybe they need a little time apart, even if that is just to give Growler's tail a rest."

"You do what is best son," he told me.

We did separate them, although it was not for long. Despite Hera being a pest to him, Growler was the first to protest that he had been separated from his friend.

Reuniting them, especially with me being in the pen with them was a nervous time but seeing them running around, forgetting I was even there brought a smile to my face. Hera still holds onto his tail although she does not bite him any more, we believe it is for comfort, keeping him close.

Who knows what will happen in the future with these two, whether cubs appear or not. Either way, I am just happy because they are back together again.

…

I had been nervous all day, not only because tomorrow we will be on the road again and that means one day, one town closer to Ana but also all the work I have done with the cats is about to be tested.

Hera is still the most playful so I have taken advantage of that. Knowing that although most fear big cats, once our act is over, they will see another side of them.

We had the ring set up, the big top missing but it was not needed for what I planned to do. The benches were all up, our family and staff all filling them, waiting for us to begin. I have not told anyone about what I have been working on, not even my parents so it will be a surprise for them all.

I had still worked with the cats separately so if it did not work, they would still both be in the ring at separate times. Having them both in there though would be a bonus to the circus, a new act to drum up excitement with the paying crowds. We will just have to see how it goes though, starting now.

"You stay where you are girl," I said, my fingers running through Hera's mane.

Unlike Growler, she did have teeth but despite a few nips when she first came to us as a cub, she had never really bitten me.

As I started to move forward with Growler, my left hand was down flat at my side, my signal to Hera to stay put. Despite hearing a whine she did as I had told her, taking no notice of Luke who was nearby.

Growler circled the ring, before jumping up onto the platform and lay his large body down. When I signalled to Hera to come into the ring, she did as I asked, taking the same route but instead of taking the second platform, she climbed on top of Growler, laying her body on top of him. This was what I wanted her to do and seeing even Growlers squashed face underneath made me laugh. My mother said Hera had a funny streak so capitalising on it with her was the way to go.

I made it out that I had wanted her on top of her platform, moving Growler instead. When Hera climbed up, beside him this time they were both in position for what was next.

I guided them through hoops, both taking their turn to lead. I was very proud of how they had worked together today and I knew from the look on my parent's faces they were thrilled.

"She should be wearing this" Clifford said, taking the pointy clown hat from his head.

"There is an idea if we can get one to fit" I laughed, calling the cats down so they were once again by my side.

"We should get you one too, Christian," my mother said laughing and although that would be the last thing I wanted to wear, with the act I had made, maybe it was needed, although it would be a last resort.

The cats were well rewarded that night and for every night that they were together in the ring. My cats had become the star attraction on the tour, people coming from far and wide, packed houses every night.

The advanced team were there right now, and tomorrow so will we. I do not know what to expect when we arrive in Montesano tomorrow, whether smiling faces or hostility. The only thing, the only person that I want to see is Ana. I just hope she is still there and that man has not sent her away, I just hope that she remembers me.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Ana and Christian come face to face once more next chapter and she hasn't forgotten about him. **

**Until then, take care.**

**Caroline**


	5. Chapter 5

APOV

I had heard the whistle of the steam train but I ignored it, continuing to read my book. The last time I had heard that noise, I had rushed to my window, stumbling in the process only for disappointment to fill me as another circus pulled into town.

It has been years since I had seen Christian. I knew from my father's behaviour that day that he would never return and I could not blame him. That does not stop me thinking about him most days though because what else do I own but my thoughts.

I do not know how old he would even be now or how old he was even then. Myself, my sixteenth birthday approaches but like always aside from my mother, there would be no one else celebrating but me.

Leaving my book, I rose from my seat, walking towards the mirror with my cane. My face had changed a little over the past two years, my body too filling out in all the places my mother said it should do. My hair was still long, still boring brown as far as Katherine was concerned but her opinion was of no importance to me.

She was still the same, she still thought she was better than me and that I should be hidden away forever.

I did not mind so much being on my own as it gave me time to think, time to read. My father barely utters a word to me any more especially after some who had been at the circus that day had expressed their disapproval of the way he treated me. I barely speak a word to him either, Katherine, just the same. As long as I have my mother, my best friend then she is all the family I need.

As always I was homeschooled, although finding someone to put up with my father's tongue had proven troublesome.

My last tutor had been dismissed only last week for stating to him that I was very knowledgeable and would benefit from being in a real school. I liked Maggie, she had been from Ireland and had been one of the few people who had ignored the way I move about and focused on the real me.

Mother complained, stating that she had reached her limit and would be sleeping in the guest room until he saw sense and reinstated my tutor. Alas, they are still sleeping in separate rooms and yet again the blame is on me.

"Ana, why are you still in your room," my mother asked from the doorway, knocking before she entered.

"What is there to leave it for," I asked her.

She took my hand, leading me over to the window before resting her hands on my shoulders.

"That is what is worth leaving the room for," she said nodding to the magnificent steam train that was being unloaded before me.

"They came back" I whispered.

"They did, and from the poster I have just seen in town unless they have a new animal expert, I believe he is with them."

"What if he does not remember me. He must have been to hundreds of places since they left."

"And what if he does. I love you, my daughter, I truly do but the only time I have seen you happy, I mean really happy was when you were excited to see him."

"Father."

"He is at work" she sighed. "He will be mad at me no doubt if he does find out you have been there but I will deal with him. If he does ask, my answer will be that you have been here all the time, if you are seen then you were there with my blessing so the blame will be on me. There will come a day when it will be time to put yourself first and forget about others who do not matter Ana. That day may be a few years off yet but it will come, for me too."

"What do you mean," I asked her.

"I was eighteen when I married your father, an arrangement between our families. I did not marry for love, although that did come along but ever since we had you, I have seen a different side of him, a side I do not like."

"He wanted a son."

"Maybe but I gave him two daughters instead and he should have been happy with that."

"Would you leave him?" I asked her quietly.

"In society, a wife leaving a husband is not done. Some women would fear the shame more than anything the husband would do. I fear for my daughters, for their future more than any shame that will come my way. Once your futures are secure, I will see what my own holds. To leave before then will mean I am removed from your life and I fear for what he will do then."

"I love you mother," I said, as she wrapped me in her arms.

"I love you, my child. Nothing and no one will ever change that even though my heart will be sad the day I have to let you go. Now speaking of going, I believe there is somewhere else you need to be."

I smiled, kissing her cheek before looking into the mirror one final time. He could be involved with someone, maybe he is even engaged or married by now. Although that thought does make my heart sad, there is also happiness there that I could see my friend again.

I made my way out of the house at my own pace, feeling that sense of freedom again that I had felt for only moments such a long time ago.

Emmett was gone but I would not have asked him to take me if he was here as my father would no doubt find out about my trip. Instead, I made my way away from the road and carefully down the hill through the fields that surrounded the town. I knew it was not the best way but if I were to stumble or fall, my landing would be softer than the dirt road. Whatever way I went, it would take me a while to get there as with my foot I could not rush.

It was rail tracks that I reached first at the bottom of the hill, taking my time to climb over them. With the next train in town not due for another week or so, arriving early and striking me down was not something I had to worry about.

I had seen everyone rushing around doing their various jobs as I had come down the hill. Now that I was closer I could hear everyone, feel the excitement that they were once again setting up in a new town.

Most of the men were in the process of putting the big top up so I stayed out of the way. They were also some putting up smaller tents that would separate their area from the public's giving them some privacy.

I did not recognise anyone here from last time and for that, I was starting to worry. Had they sold the circus on, had they retired, my answer came as my name was called. I slowly turned around to see the woman I had spoken to that fateful day.

"Ana."

"I am sorry, I did not even get your name back then."

"It is Gail. I am so glad you are still here and I know someone else who will be so happy to see you too."

"Christian is here," I asked.

"Of course. Once the circus pulls you in, you never want to leave. He will be checking on the animals and seeing how they have done on our trip. Come, I will take you to him."

I smiled, walking by her side as she led me over to the carriages at the back of the train, animal cars she told me they were. We passed faces I remember now, his father being one of them and I was greeted with a smile.

"We will get you out of here as soon as the tent is up, you impatient madam" we heard as we approached the door of the animal car, the tone of Christian's voice making me laugh.

As soon as Christian heard me, his head quickly turned my way. I was greeted with a beautiful smile as he made sure the lock on the cage was secure before jumping down from the car landing in front of me.

"You came back, I did not think you would" was all I could say, still not believing that he was actually stood before me.

"We did. I apologise for taking a while."

I laughed, although it was a gasp that left my lips when Christian pulled me in for a hug.

"I have missed you, my only friend" I spoke quietly, my head against his chest, unsure if he had heard what I had said.

"As did I, Ana, very much."

Hearing a roar from the car, our attention was then taken by the occupants. Christian released me from his hug, steadying me with my cane although one hand continued to rest on the small of my back.

"Is that Growler?" I asked before thinking it would be strange that he had called him madam.

"No, we have a new cat, a friend for Growler who happens to be more mischievous than him. Come and meet her" he told me, helping me up the ramp that had been laid against the side of the car to safely remove the animals.

I saw Growler first who let out a lazy yawn, lay on top of some bales of hay. Soon I came face to face with another lion, a lioness and it was her Christian had been speaking to before.

"She is beautiful," I said, ignoring her low growl.

"Hera, no" Christian spoke, her attention going to him then as he assured her I was no threat. "She was someone's pet."

"A pet, how silly they must have been."

"That is a name that could be used for them but stronger words have been said. She is nearly two now and coming to us as a cub like Growler I have managed to train her well. We did have a few teething problems at the start, namely that she liked to chew his tail but we found out it was not through malice, only that she wanted to keep him close."

"Growler has a girlfriend," I said, giggling as I looked at Christian. "What," I asked as he was looking at me, a beaming smile on his face.

"You are beautiful, not that you were not before but now..."

"I am still the same me Christian. The same girl hidden away from the world, a freak that no one should see."

"Everyone should see you, Ana. Myself especially, I am having trouble looking away."

I felt my cheeks heat, knowing that a blush would have appeared. There was no stopping it so I did not even try. Only Christian's words, not forgetting my mothers had made me smile before and now was no exception.

"How long are you in town for this time," I asked, thinking of something to say and wishing after, I had asked any other question than that.

"A week, just like last time."

"How long until you return," I asked, sadly.

I had not realised with us speaking that Hera had approached the side of the small pen she was in until I felt her breath on my face. Seeing her here, we had Growler's attention also.

"I have received a few nibbles but of those who have come close to her, she has bitten none," Christian said, stepping even closer to me.

I held my hand up on this side of the fence, her nose sniffing me. If I was honest, I was worried she would bite me but with the work I had been doing with my mother at home, this was nothing like conquering that fear.

"I touched a horse," I told Christian quietly, hearing the gasp that left his lips. "I even fed and brushed it" I whispered, feeling the lions breath on my hand.

When Hera's tongue came out, draping across my hand, I stayed still, not wanting to startle her.

"What are you doing girl," Christian asked, touching the top of her head, an action once she had finished licking my hand he encouraged me to do too.

_No sudden movements, no spooking the animal and it will be alright _I told myself what I had said maybe a thousand times before. My father was the reason for my anxiety, not the horse and even though I had a different animal before me, I continued to repeat that to myself even now.

"You are not going to bite me are you," I asked, hoping what I said was true.

She did not bite me, she only enjoyed what our hands were doing, stroking her head.

"I believe someone is getting jealous," Christian said, hearing Growler's grumble.

Taking the tentative steps I had taken with Hera, I copied them now too, only this boy was the one to startle me when his mouth wrapped around my arm.

"Growler."

"He is fine, he is not hurting me," I told Christian, unable to contain my smile.

"I did not think you would remember me," I said to the large cat before me.

"You are not someone any of us would forget Ana" Christian said.

"I had hoped you would return and remember who I was, but with not much in my life to hope for at present or at any time before you, my expectations were not very high."

"I would have looked for you that very day but where you lived, I did not know. My parents though spoke some sense into me, although it was not what I wanted to hear, that I could not take you away. If I am honest with you, I am surprised they did allow us back into town, as last time the policeman that was here basically sent us on our way."

"I am sorry if I caused trouble for you."

"Ana, you were never any trouble. Do not ever think that. I was angry at your father, he had no right to treat you like that."

"Life has not changed in the fact that I very rarely leave my home. Today, my mother is the reason I am here."

"Your mother?"

"Yes, about a year ago another circus came to town, one I hear was starting out so did not stay around for long. I heard the train whistle, rushing to my window only to be disappointed that it was not you. From that day forward whenever a whistle has sounded, I have ignored it, not wanting to be disappointed any more until today when my mother came into my room, informing me that you were back."

"She knows you are here," he asked.

"Yes, she does. My father is at work although when at home, he and my sister barely acknowledge my existence any more. I suppose before now, I could have come out of the house on my own but with nothing here, I did not see the point of doing so."

"How old are you…. No please do not answer that. Forgive me, it is rude to ask a lady her age," he said making me giggle.

"I will be sixteen years old this coming Saturday. Two more years and I will be free of my fathers suffering hold, although having nowhere else to go, I do not expect much will change even then. If it is not rude for me to ask, how old are you."

"I am seventeen, I will be eighteen next June."

"You will be an adult," I stated.

"I will, although growing up in the circus and especially having the responsibility of the animals, I feel like I grew up and became an adult a long time ago."

"Did you have pressure put on you to do this?" I asked as he immediately shook his head.

"No, I have never felt pressure from my family in any shape or form. From a young age, I was always with them, spending time with my grandfather who looked after the animals at the time. We used to have a tiger, Molly. To this day, I do not know why they chose that name other than it was a name my grandparents liked. I used to feed Molly who towered over me at the time, even climb onto her back. When she got sick and died, although I was only young, I demanded to be by her side. Apart from the horses, the cats, Daisy, they came from places they never should have been."

"These animals trust you," I told him, hearing a purr as I stroked Growler's head.

"As I trust them. In reality, they are a natural predator and we would no doubt be their lunch if they grew up in their natural habitat. They would not survive long out in the wild now though due to their time before they came to us and if we had not offered them a place, the authorities would have put them to sleep."

"That is so sad. Do you ever have a time though when they do not want to jump through a hoop or fire" I asked.

"Many times. Their safety and comfort are paramount. If they do not want to go out or are unwell, we have so much else going on in the circus that we can easily move things around." He was quiet for a moment then as if struggling with what to stay next. His words that did come, were etched with sorrow "You asked me before, how long until we return again."

"Yes," I whispered, knowing I was not going to like the answer I received.

"We work on a two-year rotation so we will not be back here again until 1857."

"So long. I will be eighteen then or nearly depending on what time of the year you return."

"I know," he said sadly. "We will return though and I will make sure that I see you again."

"I would like that, especially as my father would be unable to stop me then."

"He is not stopping you from being here now," he told me.

"He probably would if he knew but I certainly would not make it easy for him to stop me."

"Me either."

"Christian, we can get Daisy out now," a voice said from the door. The voice of his father who was now smiling at me. "It is lovely to see you again."

"You too Mr…. Ringmaster."

"It is Carrick" he laughed smiling once again as he watched as Christian offered me his hand, helping me up from where we had been sat on a bale of hay.

"Let us go and see Daisy, I am sure she would love to see you too."

"And I, her," I told him as we made our way to the doorway in-between the animal cars. Before going through, I stopped Christian, pointing to my home on the hill which could clearly be seen through the large open door in the side of the car. "The house, at the top of the hill, that is my home."

He brought his hand up to his face, blocking out the sunlight that was hitting us as he looked at the building that had kept me hidden for so long. Being out of it, especially being here with Christian once again brought on that feeling of being free.

"I now know where I can find you," he told me.

"I will be there, I am always there although I do enjoy escaping for a moment."

"You have to go back though," he said sadly.

"I do. If my father thinks that I am staying away from you then he will continue to ignore me as usual. If he does find out I have been here on my own, he will no doubt try and cause trouble once again."

"We will not let him, Ana. He may come and visit the circus, a thing I hope you get the chance to do too. He will get no warm welcome here though."

"He deserves none," I told Christian as we made our way through to the next carriage.

There was a man in here with Daisy, one I had seen before. He smiled, nodding to me and although I returned his gesture, my eyes never left Daisy.

"Hello, Daisy," I said, moving closer to her although Christian stayed with the man giving us a few moments together. I brushed away the tear that had fallen, my hand reaching out to the side of her face. "I have dreamt about you Daisy, I have dreamt about all of you because those few moments I got to spend in that tent with you were the happiest of my life. He had to ruin it, he always does although I have vowed to never allow him to ruin any more. When I am old enough to leave, when I am old enough to choose my own path, it will be far away from here."

"We could give you a lift," the man who was stood with Christian said as Daisy's trunk settled onto my shoulder.

"I would like that" I replied, laughing when Daisy's trunk moved down looking for pockets in my dress that held a treat. "I do not have anything."

"Here," Christian said, placing some peanuts into my hand.

They were quickly eaten, and she immediately came back for more although I had no more to give.

I stood off to the side as Christian and some others unloaded Daisy. Carrick who I now know him as came over to me with a woman by his side.

"Ana, this is Grace, Christian's mother."

"Hello, it is lovely to meet you," I said, politely.

"It is lovely to meet you too. I am so happy that we were able to return."

"So am I," I replied.

Once Daisy was happy in the large tent, the lions were brought out too. I did notice most gave them a wide birth as they plodded down the ramp following Christian's command.

"The circus that came last year had a lion too I hear, although that one never left its cage. I think it is a good thing that I refused to go otherwise I would have caused a scene, demanding that they let the poor animal go."

"That is one thing we warred with ourselves about when we first brought other animals in. If they were not in need of a home, if they were in their natural habitat, we would have left them alone. Alas leaving them would have resulted in their premature deaths."

"I am glad they are here. Anyone can see how happy these animals are."

"That is all Christian" Grace told me. "He would sleep with those animals if he could, I would bet. He has done before, especially if one of them is sick."

I smiled, seeing Hera grip onto Growler's tail as she now walked behind the males. As she feels comfortable with that connection to him, so do I when I speak to Christian.

"There is something I want to show you but I do not know how much time you have here," Christian said, coming to my side as his parents now left us alone.

"My father does not come home until after dark and if he does, he never checks on me. If he is there when I arrive home, I will tell him that I was in the garden where I spend my days if I am not in my room."

"Come then," he said, offering me his arm.

Slowly we made our way down the side of the train until we came to a carriage halfway down. Like all the others this one was magnificent in its grandeur and I knew instantly the second we stepped inside that this was Christian's home.

"I thought the outside of the train was magnificent the first time I saw it from my bedroom window, being in here now, I have no words."

"People seem to think that because we live on a train most of the year as we move from place to place, that we live in a slum, in filth. You will find no filth in this train, well unless one of the animals has left a gift. Our carriage my mother is meticulous in everything being clean."

"She does a wonderful job then as there is not a speck of dust to be seen."

"I agree, now I know it is not proper in society to have a girl in my bedroom but I have something of yours that I would like to return."

I was puzzled for a moment, wondering what he meant until he pulled a book down from his shelf, opening it so I could see the flower inside. The daisy, the one I had picked so long ago was here, pressed between the pages of the book. I did not know I was crying until his hand came up to brush my tears away.

"How," I asked.

"After you left, I was so angry and I knew the only place for me to calm down so as not to scour the town looking for you was to go back to my animals, my quiet place. I found it on the floor where we had been standing. I vowed that day that I would return it to you, no matter how long it took. I did not mean to make you cry" he said quietly.

"That day, despite my father's actions had been the happiest day of my life. Today has become another just being able to come back here and spend time with you and the animals."

"I am glad you came Ana. If I am truthful, with the way your father was behaving, I was worried that he had sent you away somewhere."

"No, that would be acknowledging my existence, that is too much to hope for from him."

I went to hand him back the book knowing the flower was safe within it but Christian shook his head.

"It is a book of poems. It was my grandmothers and I know she would be more than happy for you to have it."

"Are you sure?" I asked, seeing the nod of his head. "Thank you."

"You are more than welcome Ana. Come, while we still have time I would like to show you around if you would like."

"I would love to."

Christian led me from his room and the carriage, helping me down the steps to the grass below. From here we walked slowly up towards what he told me was the cookhouse, a place where they went for all their meals. From there he explained what each of the other tents was for.

"Hello, Christian," a woman said, coming from one of the larger tents, who was quickly joined by another woman.

Seeing a blush come onto Christian's face as the other said hello too, made me wonder if either of them was involved with my friend. That thought alone wanted to break my heart in two as I had no idea what Christian did when he was not here. He had every right to have a girl, every right to have a life, one that did not include me.

"Leila, Susannah, I would like to introduce you to Ana."

"Ana, oh my goodness, you are _thee,_ Ana," one said, greeting me with a smile.

"Yes, I am Ana, it is lovely to meet you" I replied, confused with the excitement I could see from these women at hearing my name.

They let me know who was who before another name was called.

"Elena, come see come see" Leila shouted.

From their reaction, I did not know how to feel as my grip on Christian's arm tightened.

"What is all this noise" a woman, maybe my mother's age called out coming from the tent.

"Elena, this is Ana, Christian's Ana."

"Leila" Christian said quietly as if Leila has said something wrong.

Her words caught up to me then as I realised what she had said, Christian's Ana.

"It is wonderful to meet you, my child, are you going to come to the show."

"Define show," Susannah said laughing which made Christian's cheeks reddened even more.

I did not know what about her words had made him blush but I would be sure to find out.

"You know what I mean. Seeing Growler and Hera in the ring together is a sight to behold" she told me.

"I cannot wait. Although my father will no doubt try and stop me coming, I am sure my mother will make sure we are here."

"We look forward to seeing you there then, now girls we have some work to do," Elena told them.

We said goodbye, heading into the menagerie where the animals were settling down. Daisy though seemed to be playing with a ball of some sorts.

"If I may ask," I said, turning to Christian. "What has your face so red."

"Please do not ask me" he groaned.

"Ok, I will not ask about that again but there is one thing I would like to know and that is what act do those ladies do in the circus as I do not remember seeing them last time you were here, then again I did miss most of the show."

Hearing another groan from him, brought on a giggle from me, one that got louder as Daisy came over.

"Those ladies are dancers," he said, quietly.

"Were they here last time as I do not remember seeing them when the dancers were in the ring."

"No, you would not have seen them and they do not dance there."

"Do not dance in the ring, where do they dance then?" I asked, hearing yet another groan from him.

"Ana" he wined.

"It is alright if you do not want to answer."

Obviously, my question is making him uncomfortable which despite their reaction to me, makes me wonder once again if he had been involved with one of them.

"Ana, after the show when most people have gone home, there are those who stay behind to enjoy another kind of show, one just for men's eyes only. Elena, Leila, Susannah and a few others dance at that show although what they were wearing today was a lot more than what they wear when they are dancing at night."

"You mean they dance in their undergarments."

"Less I think," he said, his voice practically a squeak now as he did not feel comfortable speaking about it.

Laughter left my lips as he became flustered before Christian started laughing too. A thought did come to my mind, one I did not voice though as I did not want to ruin the mood. Had my father been to these shows as I know when it came to the other circus that came to town, my mother and sister arrived home on their own, informing me my father had stayed behind to speak to a few of the men. I worried at the time that they were going to speak about stopping these travelling shows but were they all partaking in these dances instead. With my father, nothing would surprise me.

As we had been laughing, it was my turn to let out a squeak as Daisy's trunk came around my waist. There was no pressure I felt, as just like Growler had been she was gentle too. She did take me by surprise and I think Christian too when she lifted me into the air. It was not just a few inches she lifted me, it was higher and higher before she put me back down again.

"What are you trying to do girl," I asked, stroking her face. "Were you trying to have me for a snack. If so I am a little larger than your peanuts."

"Ana."

I turned away when I heard Christian speak my name, although we were no longer alone. Carrick and Grace were here, Luke and another man too. All had shocked looks on their faces, all of their faces soon filled with a smile.

"What is it," I asked, before apologising like always if I had done something wrong.

"Daisy has never done that before," Christian said, awe filling his voice. "We can get Daisy to walk with us, even cover everyone with water but the way she picked you up, she has never done that."

"I feel very honoured then," I said, turning back to the big girl and ran my hand down her cheek.

I felt very honoured to have made such a good friend, not only with Christian but these animals too.

….

"The circus is back in town, that circus," Katherine said at dinner that evening trying to get a reaction out of my father or me.

"I hear. No doubt the crime rate will rise while they are here," my father said, looking at me.

I gave no words, no reaction to his statement knowing he was itching for an argument. I was fed up being the target for his anger so he would get nothing from me.

"Ana dear, have you decided what you would like to do for your birthday" mother asked me.

"Stay out of sight, I hope," Katherine said, quietly but none of us had any trouble hearing her.

"Yes, I have mother. You said I could do whatever I wished."

"Yes sweetheart, your father and I agreed."

"Did we?" he said, turning to my mother.

"That we did. Ana has every right to choose what she would like to do for her birthday just like Katherine did and I myself, never go back on my word."

"Tell me then daughter of mine, what is it you would like to do," he asked me.

I turned to my father, looking him straight in the eye, knowing what reaction was to come.

"I want to visit the circus," I told him, my mother's words immediately silencing his protest.

"And besides watching the show, what would you like to do there," she asked me.

"I want to see the attractions before the show and partake in each and every one. I would especially like to see the animals and maybe if there was a chance we could ask them, maybe we could stay after so I could say hello to Daisy. I did see from my window that the circus that came last year has things that went on into the evening so maybe this is the same and we could find out what they are about."

"That sounds wonderful dear, I am sure your father will speak to them and see what can be arranged. It is your birthday after all."

Looking at my father's reaction to our words, if I am not mistaken I am sure he is starting to sweat. Now I know why he chose to stay behind despite complaining that the circus was not for him.

Hearing his gruff reply that he would visit the circus and speak to them about staying behind shocked me.

"Is that boy there, if so he needs to stay away."

"I do not know, I have not left my room all day," I said, exasperatedly, hiding a smile.

I would ask Christian if my father had gone to them, especially if the answer he would tell me was no. It did not matter really if I attended with my family, I would make sure that I spent every moment down there that I could, that I spent every minute I could with Christian while he was here.

**Thank you for reading. **

**We have Ana's birthday next chapter and a few special moments between those two. It is written and I'm hoping to have it up tomorrow, once I finish editing it.**

**There will be one more separation between Christian and Ana after that but unlike the last one, this time they will be able to keep in touch.**

**Until next time, take care.**

**Caroline.**


	6. Chapter 6

CPOV

Knowing that I would get to spend more time with Ana today, had me up as soon as it was light, much to my parent's amusement.

They were happy because I was and I know that when we leave Ana behind once again, they will feel my sadness too. I had to ignore the dread that I felt at that, push it aside for happier thoughts because I know that when we yet again return, Ana would be old enough to leave and there was nothing her father could do about it.

I had dreamt of her running away with us the last time we left. My dream had quickly turned to a nightmare though watching him pull Ana away from me again, before locking her away for good. He has too much power over her life at the moment and that will only change when she is of age.

"What are your plans for today," my mother asked me.

"You mean besides looking after the animals."

"I mean, are you seeing Ana."

"I hope so," I said, looking towards the hill which her home was atop. "I plan on taking a walk once I have fed and cleaned them out now I know where Ana lives. She told me she would only be able to get away if he was not at home."

"Son, I know you want to see Ana but if you are seen, you could make her home life worse."

"That is the last thing I want to happen, mother. We are only here for a week and it is her birthday on Saturday so I want to make what little time we are here as enjoyable for her as we can."

"You like her," my father said this time.

"I do, but she is from another world than ours."

"From what I saw of Ana, especially watching her with Daisy, I believe she belongs in our world more than her own."

"I hope so because when we do come back next time, I plan on asking her to come with us."

I looked to my parents, seeing the smiles that filled their faces. I know I would have no opposition to my plan from them, I would just have to wait and see what Ana's decision will be. I know a lot can happen in the years that we will be away but as it seems to be with Ana at home, nothing could change also.

"She will be more than welcome here son," my mother told me, making me smile.

I went to see to the animals despite my father telling me to leave them and he would see to their needs. I needed to keep to my daily routine though, keeping myself busy because it would be too early to go there now.

When I did leave the circus ground behind, I stayed as far away from the houses that were around as I could. I did not want someone informing Ana's father that I had been there so the best thing for me to do was not be seen.

Emerging from the fields, I came out into a large garden, one that must take a lot to maintain. Beds filled with flowers, trees starting to lose their leaves and there was even a hedge that had been shaped to look like a horse or maybe it was a cow, who knows what it was supposed to be.

Hearing a carriage on the long driveway, I hid behind that very hedge. That was when I heard laughter as I turned to see Ana. She wore a dress down to her ankles, her hair blowing with the breeze. Her cane as always was in hand but I could not focus on anything except her smile.

"You do not have to hide in a hedge," she told me.

"I was just trying to figure out what it was supposed to be, besides I did not think your father would appreciate seeing me here."

"That was not my father leaving, he left early this morning as always. That was Katherine, off to visit her intended."

"She is to be wed," I asked her.

"Eventually, I hope as the peace would be wonderful without being able to hear her throughout the house. Boyce and Katherine have known each other since they were little and a relationship has grown from that. They are having lunch together and as is proper, my mother is chaperoning them."

"Who will be chaperoning us then," I asked, offering her my arm to which she took.

"I am deemed never to find a suitor so would have no need for a chaperone. My father's words, not mine."

"He does not see you at all then, he does not see the real you."

"Very few people do see me, Christian, most focus on my foot first, with the way I walk and then choose to look away."

"They are fools Ana, all of them," I told her, earning a smile.

Ana led us over to a wooden bench beneath a tree where we both took a seat.

"The hedge is supposed to be a horse. Katherine wanted it as she loves horses so it was made for her. Personally, I think she only asked for it because I had been scared of them and it can be seen from my bedroom window" she told me, pointing to a room at the front of the house which had a balcony. "If that is the case, her plan backfired because in a way I actually like it. It is different just like me, standing out surrounded by all that is normal."

"I never thought of it that way when I approached it, it just became my hiding spot," I told Ana which made her laugh.

"Has my father been to the circus yet?" she asked me.

"This time," I replied, seeing the nod of her head. "I have not seen him, why do you ask."

"I told my family last night at dinner that I wanted to visit the circus for my birthday. Not just to watch the show but he is supposed to ask your father if I could visit the animals also as well as me having the chance to partake in the attractions beforehand."

"I will ask my father when I return but he was not there this morning, my parents would have said."

"My mother will not let him ruin it like he did last time, she will make sure that whatever I want to do he knows about so he cannot complain. He asked me if I had seen you."

"What did you tell him," I asked.

"That I had not left the house. He thinks with my foot, I am unable to walk further than the garden."

"Does it hurt?" I asked her.

"After a while if I walk too far and especially if I do not use my cane. My grandfather made it for me after my accident, he carved flowers on it, see" she told me, handing me her cane. "He would be so disappointed with the way his son is. My mother said he will be turning in his grave for the way he treats me."

"This is very beautiful, it must have taken him some time."

"It did, then it was not needed for a while as the doctor at my father's request, put me on rest. As a child I used to think that he thought that if I rested my foot, all would be well with the world again but now as I think about it more, he had never really paid me much attention before the accident, so he had his excuse to hide me away."

"Why though, why hide you away," I asked.

"My mother thinks he was disappointed because I was not a boy. He had his daughter, he had no use for another. My accident gave him the excuse to hide me away and ignore my existence."

"That man makes me so angry," I told her.

"He has made me angry on more than one occasion but I choose to ignore him as I find that is best. I would ignore Katherine all the time too but she likes to seek me out just to inform me of what I am missing out on out there. From what she speaks of, I am missing nothing that I would want to see unless you are all here as I would not want to miss the circus."

"You will not miss it, Ana, we will all make sure of that. Now how do you normally spend your birthday."

"With my mother mostly. Last year she took me to Olympia where we spent the weekend. It was lovely just the two of us as my father refused to do anything for my birthday so she took the choice out of his hands and told him she was taking me away. He was not best pleased, refusing at first to pay for such a thing as a trip away was an extravagance they could not afford. He forgets sometimes that my grandparents left her money which despite them being married, they made it so that he does not have access to it."

"Did they not like him?" I asked.

"My parent's marriage was arranged, a good match mostly in business I hear. My grandmother was not too keen on the arrangement so wanted my mother to still have something to fall back on if the marriage failed, so a fund was set up. My father did not know about it until a year or so after they were married and if I know him, would have tried to gain access to it, but has been unable to."

"If it is not so rude to ask, why does she stay with such a tyrant."

"We were speaking about that only yesterday after she had shown me you were back. She does not fear the shame of a failed marriage for herself, only her children. I do believe that once Katherine and I are both old enough to leave the home and have done so, then she would also."

"I know I live in a train carriage most of the year and some see us as vagabonds, drifters but I do appreciate the simple life we lead. Putting down permanent roots somewhere seems like hard work."

"You would not settle down, find a good wife when you are older," she asked me, her beautiful blue eyes fixed on mine.

"I would if that is what we both wanted. I hope she would want to travel with me for a while first though."

"You live such a beautiful life Christian, I do not think anyone would say no."

…

As the morning went on, we decided to head down to the circus ground to have some lunch. Ana did say that we could have eaten at the house as there was no one there but the staff, but I did not want her to get into trouble if one of them spoke of me being around.

Heading towards the cookhouse with Ana's arm through mine, I felt a sense of pride that she was here with me.

She was very gracious, happily speaking to anyone I introduced her to no matter who they may be. From the acts to the roustabouts, Ana spoke to them all the same, never treating one less than the other.

Where some would focus on the dirt on their faces, smell the sweat on their clothes, shying away from them both, Ana, my Ana I wanted her to be, she included them all. Everyone here knew from the clothes she wore that she came from a household that would know nothing of the circus life. Ana did want to know though, she wanted to know everything.

She asked Jason how he got so strong, Merlin who at nearly seven feet, how he got so tall. She asked Leila and Susannah how they learned to dance and Andrea and Samuel how they did not fear to be so high up. Throughout her conversations with everyone, I sat quietly in awe.

"What do you do for fun," Leila asked Ana.

"Sneak out and come here, get lost in a book, besides that nothing at all."

"Nothing, do your parents not throw parties. We have heard of them but have never attended," Susannah asked her.

"My parents, my father especially throws frequent parties. Myself, I am never invited to attend."

"Why," Gail asked her.

"My foot, it is wrong, grotesque to him so would embarrass him if I were to attend. Most of the balls, parties that are thrown are at home so I am expected to stay in my room out of the way."

"I did not notice your foot," Jose told her.

"And for that I thank you. It is nice to speak to people who remember that I am still alive and despite how painful my foot was and still is at times, that it does not define who I am."

….

Lunch was lovely although there was a nervous moment when my mother appeared to inform us that Ana's father was here.

That made Ana smile but not for the reason I first thought.

"I would love to see him grovelling to your father, that in itself would be the perfect birthday gift. He is trying to get back in my mother's good graces at the moment and he knows despite hating the task he has been asked to do, he knows only achieving that will get him anywhere."

"I do not think that my father will make it easy for him," I told her.

"I am glad, he deserves nothing that is easy. The day he took me from here, I believe he forgot others were around and he received some angry words from some men in the community who had watched his disgraceful behaviour. He will be out to prove a point that he can behave in a reasonable manner when out in such a place as this."

Only time will tell how that man will behave but one thing is for sure, he will not lay a hand on Ana like that again.

…..

I had walked Ana back to her home that afternoon with a promise that I would be there once again the next day. I kept my promise all week despite having to hide my presence especially if her sister was home.

Boy, was she a nasty piece of work and definitely her father's daughter. Ana, she was her mother I could tell that when she found us sat in the garden on the morning of her birthday.

"Mother, I would like to introduce you to Christian," Ana said, as I sat nervously, worried if she would say something because I was there.

"It is lovely to meet you Christian. I would like to thank you for keeping my daughter company this week."

"It is my pleasure," I told her, receiving a smile from Ana.

"Are they here?" Ana asked.

"No, just us. Your father has decided to work this day and your sister is off visiting friends."

"He will probably be working this evening too" Ana added.

"If that turns out to be the case, we shall enjoy the circus all the same. He said he spoke to your father."

"That he did and a trip to the menagerie after the show is all arranged."

"Have you been in there this week?" she asked us.

"Every day," Ana said with a giggle.

Daisy has become accustomed to Ana being there and is certainly happy when she is, as picking Ana up has become her favourite thing to do. I do worry for the days ahead though with Ana not being around as I cannot tell the elephant why.

"I will leave you two to enjoy your day. If you require refreshments."

"We were going to walk down to the circus if that is alright with you mother."

"It is your birthday Ana, whatever you wish, whatever you dream, you can do."

"I would like to believe that," she said, taking her mother's hand as she rose from the bench we were sat on.

"Dream it, whatever it is. Only you can stop it from happening Ana, not your father, your sister and never me. Whatever makes you happy, you can do."

"I hope you feel that is true at tonight's show," I told them.

"Why would you say that," Ana asked me.

"I cannot tell you yet. It is a surprise for your birthday."

"I look forward to whatever it is then," Ana told me with a smile.

"Me too" her mother added.

Ana and her mother walked back to her house so she could get her coat as the temperature had dropped somewhat. Joining me again in the garden, we then slowly made our way down to the circus yard, and towards my carriage on the train. I had something that I wanted to give to her, something I had asked my mother for yesterday.

"Please take a seat and then close your eyes," I told Ana when we were in my room.

"What is it" she giggled.

"A surprise, something for your birthday."

"I thought my surprise was coming later," she asked.

"That is another surprise, now please close your eyes."

Ana sat on the edge of my bed, her eyes closed to me. For a moment I lost my voice as I looked at her, whispering for her to hold out her hand. Finally placing her gift into her palm, I told Ana to open her eyes.

"Christian" she spoke, her voice but a whisper as she looked to what I had given to her.

A daisy, it was but also much more. It was a broach, one my mother had worn on occasion when I was a child but it had been left in her jewellery box for a long time. I believe as I watched Ana brush a tear away that it was where it was meant to be.

"Do you like it?" I asked, nervously.

"Christian, I love it but it is too much."

"No, it is not. It is a family piece, my mothers, and with what daisies mean to us both, she is only too happy for you to have it now."

Ana carefully rose from the bed, wrapping her arms around my waist as I held her tightly to me. I had never been this close to a girl before except from when I hugged Ana after we arrived this week. I had never wanted to kiss a girl as much as I wanted to kiss Ana right now.

We stood there in my room holding each other for maybe seconds, although it felt like an eternity. When she released her grip on me, whispering her words of thanks, I shakily brought my hands up to cradle her face.

Her eyes were wide at my movements but I saw no fear in them. Instead, I was greeted with a smile.

"Can I kiss you" I whispered, my voice disappearing for a moment.

"Yes."

I moved my head slowly down to hers, having no clue really with what I was doing. I could feel Ana's breath on my face, my own no doubt on hers before our lips finally touched.

Once again Ana's hands held me tightly as my lips slowly moved against hers. There was nothing sweeter in this world than the taste of Ana, nothing more important to me than this girl, this young woman in my arms.

I know leaving now will be more painful than before but until Ana is eighteen there will be constant obstacles in our way. Nothing will stop me coming back two years from now though and no one will stop me taking her away.

"I will miss you, please remember me when you go," Ana said as I brushed her tears away.

"Ana, that was not a goodbye kiss or a birthday kiss, it was me telling you how I feel. I know the worlds we live in are different but that will never stop me from caring for you. Two years from now, I will be back and then, if you want to, I will take you away from here."

"I would like that, I would really like that. Two years though..."

"I know, you could meet someone else in that time."

"No, there will never be another for me Christian."

"Me neither Ana, me neither."

…

Like I had done every day, I had walked Ana back to her home that afternoon although this time we walked hand in hand. Ana told me she was going to rest up for tonight, as she was excited for what was to come.

Ana had done so much walking this week but she had pushed the pain aside just so we could spend time together.

Now, with the circus in full swing, I concentrated on my act. Once again Hera and Growler had caused the top to fill with laughter, showing everyone another side to these big cats. Although I loved being out here with them, it was Daisy's part of the show tonight that I was looking forward to the most.

All week Daisy had been out here walking around the ring, doing nothing else but that. All week I had watched the bond between Ana and my elephant grow so for her birthday, it was time for Ana with the help of Daisy to become the star and be hidden away no more.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHILDREN TOO, WE HAVE HAD A WONDERFUL TIME IN MONTESANO THIS WEEK AND FOR OUR FINAL SHOW HERE WE HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA FOR YOU TO SEE. EVERYBODY, I GIVE TO YOU CHRISTIAN AND DAISY."

Like always when Daisy is in the ring, the applause is deafening. I walked her around the outside of the ring, smiling at Ana and her mother as I passed, ignoring the look from her father and sister. Once we had walked around twice, I got Daisy to stop in the middle of the ring.

I brought a ball out, placing it by her foot which with a command she kicked to me. That was Ana's trick. She had held one of the balls that the clowns used and being unsteady on her feet that day had dropped the ball which landed at Daisy's feet. Daisy surprisingly kept sending it back to her, either with her trunk or her feet.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to invite a member of the audience up, one that I already have in mind. As it is her sixteenth birthday today, I would like to invite Ana to join me."

I could see her father about to protest especially at the name I had used. I could hear her sister's snide words also but I ignored them both as I approached hearing her mother tell them both to be quiet and not ruin Ana's birthday. Her father picked up her cane, holding it out of reach as if that would stop Ana from walking to me. As she took my offered hand, the audience cheered.

"What are you doing."

"Showing everyone where you should really be," I told her.

"And where is that," she asked as we entered the ring, stopping short of Daisy.

"Where everyone can see you, where you are the star…. Trust me."

"Always" she whispered as her hand went out to Daisy's trunk that was making its way to her.

What happened next, went perfectly, better than I had wished it would be.

Ever since Daisy had picked Ana up, I had been practising with her picking objects up in the evenings before the show. When she did it this time, Daisy picked my giggling girl up, high up enough that she was soon placed onto her back. Through thunderous applause, her mother leading the way, Daisy paraded around the ring, happily trumpeting away as Ana waved to the crowd. I did notice not only did her mother have tears in her eyes but so did mine.

They both knew another separation was to come, just like they both knew what would happen when we return. As Ana and Daisy headed out of the ring to the rear of the big top with myself by their side, we both knew that our time was quickly coming to an end, if only for a little while.

…

I was lost if I was honest with myself, especially after saying goodbye to Ana. Two years was such a long time but in the context that I would hopefully spend forever with her, then it was not long after all.

Her mother, Carla I had been told to call her had spoken to me before they went home. She had given me an address of where I could write to Ana and I had given my grandparent's address in return.

All of our mail is sent to my mother's parents who then send it onto the next town our circus played. It may take a little while to get to us but we get it in the end.

Wandering through the back yard, the only show now going on was in the girl's tent. Men had stayed behind, all hollering and cheering at whoever was dancing on the stage.

I had bedded down the animals for the night, making sure they were all safe. Passing the girls tent now on my way to my carriage, I noticed two men who were stood talking just outside.

I knew it was him the second I saw him, how that man had the cheek to be here. He did look worried for a second before a look of arrogance settled onto his face.

"Speak of this to no one boy," Raymond told me, before telling the man he was standing with that he would join him in a minute.

"Do you not know Raymond. This is the circus, we are travellers, vagrants, you will find no one to keep your secrets here" I told him, smiling.

"Do not speak my name."

"Why not, that is what it is is it not. Oh and my name is not boy, by the way, it is Christian."

"I do not care what it is. You stay away from my daughter," he told me, once again.

I smiled, laughing really as I turned away from him, ignoring the angry words that were aimed my way.

"Enjoy the show" I called out as I continued to walk and when I did look back again, he was going back into the girl's tent.

I walked to the edge of the circus ground, before starting to run once I was out of sight. I knew the route by now, heading up the hill to Ana's house.

As it came into view before me, I had no idea what I was going to do now I was here. I just thought with him being at the show, he was out of the way and maybe for a second, I could see Ana once again.

I remembered where we had been sitting this morning that there were some daisies in the grass. Picking some, I put them into my pocket before I started to climb the trellis up to the balcony that was outside of Ana's room.

There was no light inside, only the moonlight that was flittering through her window. With it being a warm day today, her window was slightly open so I lifted it before quietly making my way inside. If I had had more time I would have written the first of many letters to Ana, but knowing what they meant to us, the daisies would do.

Ana was fast asleep in her bed, her long hair covering her pillow. I moved closer, careful not to wake her despite wanting to. Our goodbye had been hard enough earlier, both of us shedding tears so going through that again was too much pain to bear.

I saw the broach on the table beside her bed, her cane resting against the table too. Careful so as not to move either, I scattered the daisies around the tabletop. She would know I was here, there would be no other explanation for this. Leaning down so I was close to her face, I stole one final kiss.

"I will be back, I promise and when I return I will be taking you with me" I whispered before finally making my way back to her window. Blowing a kiss to her, I once again stepped outside before closing the window behind me.

As I ran back down towards the circus, I ignored the fact that I wanted to cry. I put on a brave face though, looking this disgraceful man in the eye when he emerged from the tent speaking of the breasts and bodies he had seen and they had been worth the price he had paid to see them.

I smiled once again, walking past him, whistling the tune that had been playing when I had Ana in the ring. As I climbed the steps into my carriage, at the top I turned back around. He had been watching me before he turned, walking away with the men, although my words made them all stop and turn back.

"Do not forget, there are no secrets kept here. Plus you can never hide away true beauty because it will always be found."

The other men asked me what I meant but my eyes were on Raymond Steele. If he tried to hide Ana, send her away I will find her where ever she is and I will make sure to reveal all his secrets in the process. His and every other man here who is sure not to want the little wife to know what they have been watching tonight.

**Thank you for reading.**

**I am away now until after Easter, taking my children to my parents in Wales. Although my laptop will be going with me, I don't know how much time I will have to write so expect the next chapter when I get back home again. **

**The next chapter will be letters between them and in chapter eight Christian will return and he won't be leaving without her this time. **

**Until then, take care and happy Easter.**

**Caroline**


	7. Chapter 7

APOV

_Dear Ana, today I write to you from Springfield, Missouri…..._

_My dearest Ana, today I woke up in Fort Wayne, Indiana…..._

_I write to you this day Ana from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania…_

Each letter I had received from Christian, I had read many times, each one having a special place in my heart. His words were what kept me sane in this house most days, my mother too.

My father continued to ignore me as much as he could although, on the odd occasion that we were out as a family, he could do none of that.

The whole town had spoken about what had happened that day in the circus much to my father's displeasure as he could no longer ignore the fact that I did exist. From children asking me about what it was like to ride on the back of an elephant, to men and women wanting to speak about their families when they were out in society. He could no longer deny that he did had two children instead of just the one.

He was not happy with me but then again when is he. I just continue to live my life in relative peace and he can continue to ignore me at home as he sees fit.

"Ana, you have mail my darling," my mother announced upon entering my room.

I could do nothing to contain my excitement, my smile as I took the letter from her especially when I saw Christian's writing upon it.

"Thank you."

"You are very welcome. Now we have a lunch date this afternoon, do not be late."

"I will not" I laughed as she left me alone. Looking at the letter in my hand, I cradled it to my chest as if it was the most precious treasure.

All the letters I had received in the year since Christian had been gone were very special to me, all of them that although they were addressed to my mother, a little correspondence between her and my aunt, they were all for me. My aunt knew about the letters as my mother had confided in her what was going on at home. She was only too happy to keep up the charade as she was another who disliked my father and on more than one occasion had informed him of that fact.

Bringing the letter to my nose, I took a sniff, silly that it was to think it would smell of him. It had more chance of smelling of Daisy but even that would have been welcome.

Opening the envelope, I carefully took the letter out and placed the enclosed daisy into the small box that also held my letters. Each letter I had received, held a daisy and if he was unable to find one at the time, had enclosed a flower that came close to it.

I quickly looked at the pictures Christian had sent to me like he always did before focusing on the main item I was happy to receive, his letter, his words.

_My dearest Ana._

_I hope you are keeping well and that you received my birthday gift to you. You are in my each and every thought and that was never more so than on your birthday. _

_We are in New York today, so far across the country from you. _

_Although the distance hurts my heart to be so far away, it also fills it to know that we are one stop closer, one day closer to arriving in Montesano once again. One year my Ana, one year and I will return._

_Daisy is doing well, Growler too. Hera had a toothache which is thankfully all better now. I did fear for the veterinarian who looked at her as she is very choosy, as you know, about who she lets get close to her. Hera was very grumpy after, taking a nip at anyone who came close. Like always though, there were no nips out of me. _

_New York, what can I tell you about that apart from it is large. There is no peace to be had here like we had in your garden. New York, Manhattan especially is a city brimming with people. There is a large slice of green space in the centre but even there, there is no peace to be had. _

_The mayor having heard of our successful circus came to watch it himself and in turn, invited my parents and me to a party of his own. Like always with us, you can not invite one person, you invite all. Let me just tell you there were quite a few heads turning our way especially when they saw a few members of our group. Jason, Merlin, Jose and Ariana were those who drew comments for different reasons, seeing that we were a group who stuck together, those words soon quietened. Alas, that is probably the last party we are invited to, that in itself I thank my blessings for as I do not want to ever go to something like that again. Like always, I have enclosed a few items from my trip here, pictures of places I have been. I hope one day I can bring you here, although I am sure any more party invitations will be declined._

_I have to close now my Ana as we are getting ready to leave this city behind. Just know you are in my heart and in my mind and I cannot wait until I am close to you again. _

_Yours_

_Christian. _

As always his words brought tears to my eyes, some laughter too. I pulled the pendant I wore, his gift to me for my seventeenth birthday from beneath my dress, placing a kiss onto it.

I know now that he would be closer to me as it can take weeks for his letter to arrive. Where he was now though, I would not know until the next letter was received.

Knowing I had a little time until my lunch date with my mother, I pulled some paper from my desk, wanting to get these feeling I held inside, my own words, down on paper to him.

My first letter from Christian arrived three weeks after he had left and was a complete surprise. My mother had not told me about giving Christian our address and in-turn with the letter, she gave me the address as to where to write back. He had wanted me to receive his letter first, the one thing he had asked my mother when the addresses were exchanged.

When I woke the morning of their departure to daisies scattered over my dressing table, they brought a tear to my eye.

Our parting had been painful, more painful than I had felt with my foot. I did not believe before that day how much my heart could hurt. To know he had been in my room though, that he had left me one final gift did give me hope for the future that we had spoken about. To be able to leave this home once I was of age, no matter how much it hurt to think of leaving my mother behind was the only thing I could concentrate on, for now.

Looking down at the blank page before me, I started to write.

_My Christian_

_Thank you for your wonderful letter, I hope you and your family are well. _

_New York seems like a wondrous place to visit although as you described in your letter, there are a few parts and people who I definitely would not like to see. _

_Life here is pretty much the same although like we do once a month, my mother and I will be having lunch out today. _

_There will be smiles, polite nods as always but the stares no doubt will still be there. Whispers too I would bet but I ignore them, you and my mother give me the confidence to do that. _

_Katherine is getting married, can you see my eyes rolling from where you are. Very ladylike of me I know but it is needed. My father, of course, is very happy about the fact, that and also joining his company with Boyce's parents. Who will run it, I do not know but there will no doubt be trouble ahead. _

_I think my mother is happy also as despite how cruel Katherine can be at times, she is still her daughter and only wants her to be happy. I believe it also means one child out of the home and one to go meaning her own freedom is not too far ahead. _

_The wedding planning has already started, the invitations going out very soon. Is it wrong of me for not wanting to receive an invitation, am I a cruel person to want to remain in my room? All my life I have wanted to escape those walls but for just that one night, I am happy to stay there. _

_I am sorry Hera was ill. For such a big girl, she is a pussycat really and I am very fond of her. I look forward to seeing them all when you return but the one who I am looking forward to seeing most of all Christian is you. _

_The kiss we shared meant so much to me Christian and despite wishing I had woken when you kissed me again, I understand why you did not. _

_Is it wrong considering we have spent more time apart than together that my heart aches to be near you again. Is it wrong to admit that at my age, what I feel for you is love? A silly girl some would say with the way I am feeling but I cannot deny that those feelings are true. I love you, Christian, very much and despite feeling that I should be terrified that the words had not been said in your letters to me, I feel it in every word you write. _

_I finish now with a happy heart as I look forward to the day ahead. _

_I send to you my love and my kisses. I hope they tide you over until we can see each other again._

_All my love_

_Your Ana x_

I placed the letter into the envelope, sealing it with a kiss. Placing it into my purse that I would use for today, I finally decided to dress.

I looked forward to these days with my mother, just the two of us. She had been so caught up in wedding arrangements, putting up with the demands of not only my sister but my father too, that she had exhausted herself. Today, she was looking forward to the break away from this house, just as much as I was.

Picking my trusty cane up once I was dressed, I made my way down the stairs. I could hear raised voices coming from the drawing room belonging to my mother and sister.

"I said no Katherine, you can have my attention any other day but not this one," my mother told her.

"Why should she get your attention. You have two daughters, do you not remember."

I could hear my mothers shocked voice and I believe if I was closer to them, I would have struck Katherine with my cane.

"Am I not entitled to some of mothers time?" I asked, entering the drawing room.

"She is always with you, I have a wedding to plan, you will never need to worry about that."

"That man deserves a medal" I stated.

"Who father."

"Do not make me laugh. I am speaking of you fiancé for choosing to put up with you for eternity. You know today is the day mother and I spend together, having a nice lunch out. You tried to come up with some excuse last month also. Your demands and complaints did not work then and it will not work now. Oh, and I have made a decision."

"And what is that," she spat.

"I have decided to decline the invitation to your wedding, I believe it will be for the best. We cannot have the freak of a sister taking the limelight away from the bride now can we."

"You were not even sent an invitation, why would you when you will be expected to attend anyway."

"Even better" I laughed.

"Girls, girls" my mother spoke, stepping in between us.

"She started it," Katherine said, pointing her finger at me.

"It is rude to point Katherine and Ana did not start this. It is true that you have a tantrum whenever Ana and I are to spend any time together out of this house. We did invite you along the first time only for you to insult your sister, informing us both that you would not be attending with a circus freak. Ana is your sister, your own flesh and blood and until you treat her as such then our time together will be separated. I will speak to you about whatever it is that is so important when we return, until then I encourage you to calm down, take some tea in the garden and relax. Weddings are meant to be beautiful, not stressful."

"Mother" she wined but my mother held her hand up to Katherine, silencing her complaints.

Taking my mothers offered arm, she led me out of the door and down to the carriage where Emmett was waiting.

…

It had been a month since I had sent my letter to Christian and I had been nervously waiting for his letter in return, hoping I had not scared him with the words that I had needed to say.

Mother and I had a lovely lunch out yesterday, my sister being warned the day before that she would not put up with a repeat of her complaints. My father was not happy that my mother was not spending every waking hour on this wedding so him, she had put straight too.

My sister would have the wedding of her dreams, she would have everything her heart desires, our mother would see to that. In the process, she would not abandon their other daughter just like he had done.

I was having breakfast with my family when the mail arrived that morning, no one really paying attention as Glenis our housekeeper brought the mail in, placing it onto the table beside my father.

"Carla, you have another letter off your sister," My father said grumpily, probably hoping for something better for himself than the pile of bills now at his side. "You correspond with your sister more than you speak to me."

"Really, my mail may have gotten more frequent but my visits have all but stopped because I have been rushing here and there what with the wedding and this party you want me to throw in a few weeks time. My sister and I have always been close you know that, so we have just found another way to keep in touch."

"I was only saying, there is no need to take offence," he told her as I stayed quiet as usual not wishing his attention to be on me.

"Will she be attending the wedding?" Katherine asked although we all heard his mumbled words of "Hope not."

"Of course your aunt and uncle will be attending, they would not miss it," my mother told her, her words appeasing my sister and upsetting my father at the same time.

Once breakfast was over, I went to my room, eagerly awaiting to see from my mother if it was really a letter from her sister or a letter from Christian for me.

As she finally entered my room with a smile, I breathed a sigh of relief as she handed the letter over to me, kissing my forehead before she left the room.

I did not realise my hands were shaking until I had to calm myself so I did not tear the letter. Taking a deep breath, I opened it and was covered in daisies that fell from the envelope onto my lap. I had to laugh with how many there were and I would not have been surprised if the postman had commented on the smell that lingered from the flowers. Opening the letter which was in places stained a little from the yellow of the flowers, I started to read his words.

_My Ana._

_I had longed to speak the words that I have held inside me for so long to your face but knowing how much receiving our letters means to the other, I believe putting them into words will do, for now. _

_I love you, Ana. _

_From the moment we stood side by side on that roadside as I tried to keep both of us dry, my feelings have grown for you. From hoping desperately at first for a friend who did not shy away from the way I lived, I received so much more._

_There is not a day that goes by that I do not long to hold you. Every day I have to stop myself from begging my family to change course and take me back to you just so I can tell you how I feel, tell you that I am so in love with you Ana. _

_Your letters brighten a dreary day, they bring a smile to my face that only you can, well Daisy too but you know how she can be. _

_Speaking of daisies, those that are enclosed within this letter and those that I have given to you so far, they are a kiss you will receive when I return, they are a beat of my heart that only beats for one, you. _

_The days are getting closer now Ana, the marks on my wall tell me this is true. No more years separate us, only months and days that I hope will pass quickly. _

_Until we meet again, our letters will continue to show you the truth. I will love you forever my Ana, never doubt that. I want to show you forever just how much you mean to me. _

_Yours always. _

_Christian x_

…

My mother found me later that day, tears still filling my eyes at Christian's words. She thought the worst at first, thought he no longer wanted to be a part of my life before chastising herself that he would never do such a thing.

"He loves me," I said in a whisper.

"Of course he does, I could see that the day I found you in the garden together and I have seen a difference in you since the day you met. I know the day is coming closer when you will leave this home Ana, I look forward to it."

"You want me to leave," I asked her.

"I want you to be happy, I want you to live my girl. Those things you will never truly do here. You have been forced to live in the shadows for long enough, it is time for you to step into the light and be free."

"If I leave, would you come with us," I asked her.

"That would be fun for a while but staying with your aunt Susan is where I will be. The day I leave this home it will be with my head held high, even if all I leave with are the clothes on my back."

"I am sorry" I whispered sadly.

"Do not ever apologise for others actions Ana. This is all on your father and he will see that the day he loses us all… Now, do you not have a letter to write" she asked me as I nodded my head with a smile. I have a lot to write about.

…

The days had passed quickly up until Katherine's wedding and now they seemed to drag again. The past month has felt like ten, the past weeks feeling like years. Three days was all it was now until my eighteenth birthday and I know for a fact Christian arrives in two.

The evening before my birthday the train is due to pull into town. The advance team were already here putting posters up, I had seen them when I had my appointment with Dr Flynn.

At my father's insistence, I had been to see him and that was only after being asked by his peers when I was to be wed also. I was broken goods as far as he was concerned and he was asking for a miracle yet again.

My own miracle would be arriving soon enough, no matter how much he wanted to ignore that fact, so instead Dr Flynn and I enjoyed tea and a chat before he explained to my father once again when he joined us, that there was nothing wrong with me.

Upon arriving home that afternoon from my appointment, my father had told us, that none of us would be going to visit the circus this year only to be informed by my mother that with Katherine married and not even living in the home any more and with me coming of age while the circus was here, if either of us wanted to see the show, there was nothing he could do to stop us. That had led to an argument, one that could be heard throughout the house, including the front door slamming when my father left for a while.

I know more than ever where my sister gets her temper from, I see it in my father every day. It seems like each day closer to my birthday, he loses a little more control.

The evening before my birthday, I sat at the window waiting for the train to arrive. I did not know what time they were getting here only that it would not be light when they did.

Like always it was the whistle that I heard first before I saw the engine and carriages snaking into town. I could not contain the excitement I felt, could not stop the smile from filling my face as the whistle blew once more announcing that they were here.

My Christian had arrived, he was really here and although I could not see him, my heart knew he was close. Only a few hours from now I would get to see him, feel his lips once again against mine and there was no one who could stop us. Only a few hours from now and I would be in his arms once again and I plan to hold on and never let go.

**Thank you for reading. **

**I had a lovely time in Wales, only having sheep for neighbours for a few weeks. I miss the peace already, although having a constant Wi-Fi signal now is nice. **

**Until next time, take care. **

**Caroline. **


	8. Chapter 8

CPOV

As the train arrived into Montesano, my eyes moved from the letter I had been rereading and towards the hill and more significantly the house where I knew Ana would be.

Two years we had been away, two long years and as I saw the light at her window, I took what felt like my first real breath since we had left.

"I thought I would find you here," my mother said, smiling as I was sat with Daisy, my back against her chest as her trunk lay across my legs.

"It is quiet here" I replied, both of us ignoring the shudder as the brakes were applied.

"It also gives you a good view of the town," she told me, looking also to where she knew Ana would be.

"I hope she is alright" I whispered, knowing what a cruel man she lived with.

"Her mother will keep her safe, you need not to worry about that my son."

"You sound so sure" I stated.

"You are not the only one who has kept in touch with the Steele family. Alas, it is not as often as you have Ana, but I have exchanged letters with Carla more than once over the past few years."

Her words startled me and also brought a smile to my face at how sneaky our mothers have been. Both want their children to be happy and both know that will only truly happen when we are together once again.

"When was this all arranged, I did not know you had even spoken."

"After our final show. We spoke for a while when you were visiting the menagerie with Ana, as had been arranged for her birthday. Now what is your plan for tomorrow" she asked me.

"I am going to walk up there and knock on the front door."

At my words my mother laughed, knowing I had been waiting for so long to do just that. I know her father will not make it easy for us but as of tomorrow, he will realise he has no say in what Ana does.

"So those flowers that fill the vase in our carriage, are not for me after all."

"My apologies mother but they are for my girl" I confessed.

"And so they should be. She will surely love them."

"I hope so."

"Do not doubt how much that young woman loves you Christian."

"I do not, I feel it in every word she writes. To tell Ana to her face and not in our letters is what I am looking forward to the most."

Hearing the voices outside of the animal car before the door opened gained our attention. Like always I had work to do but soon there would be nothing left to do but go and claim my girl.

…..

I walked through the town holding the flowers tightly in my grasp, no longer hiding in the fields behind as I made my way to Ana's home. I did not mind going the way we had gone before but wearing some of my best clothes, my shoes as shined as well as they could be with the number of scuffs upon them, I just wanted to look good for my Ana.

I know she would not care what I wore this day, only that I was here. Kissing my love after being away for two years though, I did not want to smell of animals, sweat or dung when I held her so these clothes would have to do.

Starting up the lane that led to her house, I looked to the window. The sun was hitting them at the moment so I had to raise my hand so as not to blind myself with the glare. I saw movement at her window, the curtains moving also from one of the rooms downstairs. I hoped it was her mother who I now know would be happy that I am here. If it was her father, I would deal with him first.

My answer came with a booming voice, one that told me to remove myself from his property. I ignored him, ignored his words focusing on the young woman who came past him quicker than he would probably think she could, before she was in my arms.

I picked Ana up, spinning her around as she let out a happy squeal. He continued his rant before being told to be quiet by his wife.

"Happy birthday Ana, happy birthday my love."

"Thank you, you being here is the best gift I have ever received."

"You would not want these then," I told Ana, showing her the flowers that with me swinging her around now looked a little worse for ware.

"Of course I do. They are beautiful Christian, thank you" she said, taking the flowers from me before taking a sniff of the blooms.

"They smell like home" She sighed, looking up to me.

"They smell like here, "I asked, looking at the grand house before us, a place I did not belong in.

"No, they smell of us, of our connection, our bond. That is home to me."

I moved my hands, cradling her face as we ignored the others around. As I placed my lips gently to Ana's I knew I was home too.

Our kiss although brief considering the company we were in, was just as beautiful as our first. I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in our kiss, hold Ana and never let go, alas reality had to interrupt us as her parent's voices rose.

"STOP IT" Ana shouted at them, or more at her father I think.

"My apologies, Christian, what must you think of us. It is lovely to see you again" her mother spoke.

"You too Mrs Steele," I said, ignoring the seething man by her side. He did not want me anywhere near Ana, let alone kissing her. I could tell by the way he was looking at me.

"Please, it is Carla. Ana would you like me to put those flowers in some water" she asked.

"Please mother, could you put them up in my room."

"CARLA" Raymond shouted at his wife who just ignored him, walking back inside with Ana's flowers in her hand.

Seeing that he was alone with us, his rant started once again. That was until his wife came back to the door, demanding that she speak to him inside.

"Do not go anywhere" he told Ana, with nothing but anger in his voice.

"Do not speak to her like that" I replied, stopping him in his tracks.

"I believe we have had this conversation before boy and as she is my daughter I will speak to her any way I like."

"Oh, go away. I do not want to speak to you and neither does Christian. I am eighteen today, I am of an age when I can make my own decisions of where I go and who I speak to."

"NOT WHILE YOU ARE LIVING UNDER THIS ROOF" he bellowed at her.

It was Carla who stopped his tirade, pointing her finger into his chest and angrily telling him not to speak to her daughter like that. Finally, he took the hint that he was not welcome out here and after Carla shouted to him that if he did not come inside, she would be leaving this night and taking Ana with her, did he finally disappear inside, slamming the door behind him.

"Tell me, is it like that all the time," I asked, holding Ana to my chest.

"The closer we have gotten to my birthday, the worse he has become. His hold over me is now gone and with me now able to leave this home without any repercussions, any hold, any threats he made to my mother about removing me from her life are gone now also. The only person he has control of now is himself and I believe that has been slipping away for a long while. The only family I have ever had in this house is my mother and she is only happy when he is not around."

"I apologise that my presence is causing problems on your birthday, I could not wait any longer to see you though," I told her as we walked down to the garden, to the place we have sat before.

"Please forget about him, he is but one of the people in my life who are not important….I am so happy you are back," she whispered, brushing a tear away.

"I would not be anywhere else on your birthday Ana," I said, turning her to me as I once again cupped her face. "I have missed too many, I would never miss this one."

Bringing my lips to Ana's this time, there was a passion to our kiss that had not been present when her parents were around. The little moan that left her lips had an effect on my body. I should be embarrassed with how aroused I was becoming with her body so close to mine but there was no embarrassment, there was only our love that was expressed through each touch, each kiss.

"I love you" I whispered, placing chaste kisses against her lips now, her eyes slowly opening to me.

"I love you my Christian, so very much," she told me, a beautiful smile filling her face.

Taking a seat on the bench, I pulled her closer to my side, not wanting any space between us as we had been parted for too long. I ignored the little problem I had had before, concentrating instead on the woman beside me.

"This evening, do you have plans with your family," I asked.

"No, my mother was going to make dinner for us but with my father at home, we could all do without the hostility."

"Did you know that our mothers have been in touch ever since we left."

"What, no," she said, shock filling her voice.

"Yes, my mother revealed about their secret correspondence when we were pulling into town last night."

"I did not think my mother could be so sneaky, then again she has kept our friendship a secret from my father all these years so I should not really be surprised."

"What we share is a lot more than friendship," I told her.

"I know Christian, what we share is so much more," she told me, resting her head on my shoulder as I kissed the top of her head. "It is thrilling to know that I am finally free but also terrifying as to what my life has in store next" she whispered.

"What do you mean," I asked her.

"I have a mind of my own but I have never truly been allowed to use it at home. Whenever my intelligence has been spoken about by my many tutors over the years, they have all been dismissed by him. He wanted to keep me stupid, and no doubt would have denied me an education along with many other things if he had had his way. My mother is strong willed though and has fought for everything so far in my life, but now it is time for me to think for myself."

"And what is it you want to do my love," I asked her.

"I want to leave here when you do, I want to live my life and be free. Some may see me as a freak with the way I walk but I would rather be a freak and be out there living my life than be perfect and trapped in a life here."

"Ana you are perfect and I will not stand by and hear anyone call you a name such as a freak. Although I know that your foot was hurt at one point in time, I do not see it, all I see is you. You are beautiful Ana, beguilingly beautiful and I thank whoever put us on that road that day at the same time. I want you with me, Ana, always. I love you with all my heart and I cannot, will not ever leave you behind."

"I love you my Christian. To be able to speak those words to you is just….."

"I know Ana, I feel it too."

We spent a lot of time in the garden that day, speaking about our time apart and our letters as Ana asked me more about the places I had been. When the light started to fade, I was once again on that lane, only this time I was sat in a carriage enjoying the ride.

"I will not be a moment," I told my driver, stepping down from the carriage before making my way to the front door.

Just like earlier today, I was in my finest clothes, although with the tie that I now wore, it was even fancier this time.

"What," Raymond Steele said, upon answering the door, obviously hoping I had disappeared for the day.

"I am here to pick Ana up," I told him.

"Her name is Anastasia and she is busy," he told me, about to slam the door in my face.

My foot was there and despite how much it hurt to be crushed, I ignored the pain not giving him the satisfaction as I pushed the door open, sending him back a few feet.

"I told you I am here to pick Ana up," I said, standing my ground as we heard a throat clear behind us.

"I am ready," Ana said, causing us both to look towards the bottom of the stairs where Ana and her mother stood.

I had to take a steadying breath as I looked at the beautiful woman before me, so happy that she was mine.

"Where are we going," Ana asked as I stepped past Raymond, offering her my arm.

"It is a surprise" I whispered, before placing a chaste kiss to her lips.

"Enjoy yourself both of you," Carla said, earning a smile from us both.

"AM I NOT THE MASTER OF THIS HOUSE ANY MORE" Raymond bellowed, making Ana jump.

"This house yes, but no longer me," she told him as we left the house and I helped her into the carriage before we were on our way.

We did not go far and when we stopped near to the big top, Ana could do nothing but laugh. I would have happily taken her to a fancy restaurant, maybe a show after it too. That was not us though, quiet, simple, just the two of us spending as much time as we could together, that was us.

"You told me not to have any dinner and that we would be eating out, are we sharing dinner with Daisy," she asked.

"Spending time with the animals would be nice, although hearing Daisy's trumpet throughout at her excitement of seeing you would not give us the peaceful meal I have planned."

"As long as you are here, I can wait a little longer to see the animals."

"You will have your whole life with them, Ana, when we leave here."

"I cannot wait, when do we leave," she asked, making me laugh.

"I can understand your need to leave this town, but if we just upped sticks and left it would not be good for the circus's reputation. We are here to perform and entertain, although if your father puts up a fuss, this might be our last time here so we will make the most of it."

I helped Ana down from the carriage, paying the man and also giving him instructions to come back a few hours from now. I would only push Raymond Steele so far while Ana still lived in his home. Keeping Ana out for the whole night, despite how old she is now would be too much for him.

We had spoken about the day Ana would leave in the garden this afternoon. She would stay at home until the day of our departure, spending as much time with her mother as she could. If she did that not only would Raymond think that we would only be together while we were here this week and not see each other for another two years, also this way we hoped that our circus could play here without any trouble from him. If there was trouble though, I would not hesitate to take Ana away from here, even if that means leaving my family behind and meeting up with them at a later date. My parents know how much Ana means to me and I know whatever decisions we make, they are behind us all the way.

"My birthday treat is also a trip to the circus this year," Ana told me as we slowly walked to my carriage on the train.

"Your father agreed to this," I asked her, making sure she did not stumble as she held my arm and the cane tightly in her grasp.

"He had no choice, that and like always he wants us to appear as a happy family."

"Why though, why does he want to parade you around when he has wanted you hidden most of your life," I asked.

"Riding Daisy in the ring, so many people saw me that day, so many he could not deny my existence to any more. Being a family man, shows strength in business, a solid foundation to build upon. If a man has strong support then he is more trusted in business, my mother tells me. Before he could parade Katherine around to his heart's content and she was only too happy to play her part. Myself, I want no part in the charade which brings on more arguments from him."

"You deserve to be seen Ana, but on your terms and only when you want to," I told her.

"Riding Daisy was thrilling. Showing everyone that despite my foot I could still do things meant so much to me."

"Not everyone gets to ride on an elephant," I told her, stopping us outside of my carriage.

"And for that, I feel very honoured."

I smiled, placing a kiss to her lips before helping her up the steps.

Entering the main part of the carriage, I smiled knowing I had a lot to thank my mother for. She had helped me make dinner for Ana, keeping it from burning also while I had gone to pick her up and decorated the carriage in the process.

There were candles lit all around, vases filled with flowers too. Seeing the smile light up Ana's face, I knew it was all worth it.

"Christian, this is….."

"I wanted you to have the perfect evening," I told Ana, wrapping my arms around her waist as she lay her cane to the side, having no use for it as I held her.

"You are here, how can it not be perfect."

I smiled, looking into her beautiful blue eyes before I placed a kiss upon her lips. It was not a long kiss, brief compared to the few we have shared but it still expressed how much love we held for the other.

Pulling Ana's chair out, I waited until she was seated before I placed a small box in front of her.

"What is this," she asked.

"Your birthday gift."

Ana opened the box, a gasp leaving her lips before she looked to me.

"It is beautiful."

"I wanted to get you something from every place I told you about in our letters. I thought a charm for the bracelet was a good thing."

"I love it, Christian. Can you help me put it on," she asked holding her arm and the bracelet out to me.

Taking the bracelet from her, I kissed her arm before joining the clasp. Receiving a kiss from Ana, I turned to the food that was hidden under the cloche.

Meat, beef it was, potatoes, carrots and swede. A simple meal for the likes of people like Ana's father but it had come to be my favourite dish over the years, one I was happy to share with Ana now.

"I did not know what food you were accustomed to so I chose for us something that I liked," I told her.

"I am sure it will be delicious," she told me, pulling the napkin from under her cutlery before placing it onto her lap.

I said a toast, to us and what the future lay ahead before we started to eat.

"Was your meal alright," I asked Ana when my plate was clear.

"It is the best meal I have ever had. I have never had meat such as this before."

"What, how can you not have eaten beef before," I asked, shock filling my voice.

"My father deemed red meat not fit for a woman when in truth, I believe he wanted it all for himself. Fish, poultry and vegetables in abundance are what we mostly eat. I believe after eating this meal, my knowledge of delicious food is severely lacking."

"When we leave, I will introduce you to many other culinary delights…. What" I asked Ana who had gone quiet when I spoke of leaving.

"We are really leaving," she said quietly."

"If you do not want to, if you are not ready..."

Her finger to my lips stopped any more words from slipping free as I could feel the panic start to build inside me at the thought of leaving her behind. I could not do it, I could not leave Ana again. I would stay here if I had to until she was ready.

Silence filled the carriage then as I waited for her to speak.

"I am ready Christian. For so long, my dreams, my thoughts were the only things that were my own, the only things that could never be taken away from me. Knowing that the dream I had wished come true above all the others was happening fills me with joy."

"I will look after you Ana, I promise," I told her sagging with relief that she was indeed leaving with me.

"I know you will Christian."

After having a slice of the cake I had made, yes me and I intentionally made it to slope like that. After that, we left the carriage hand in hand and made our way towards the cookhouse where everyone else would be.

It was the first night in a new town, well new only because we had not been so far this year and like always on the first night everyone came together to share the meal. Tonight I had other company to share my meal with, but I knew no one would grumble about that, well with the exception of Elliot.

"You are late," Elliot said, teasingly as the smile grew upon his face as he saw Ana's hand in mine.

"No, I was early actually. We have just finished our dinner, it is you who is running late."

My friend laughed, saying hello and happy birthday to Ana before we approached my parent's table.

"Happy Birthday Ana dear," my mother said, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you… I believe my mother and your good self have become great friends."

"Guilty as charged," she told Ana, laughing.

"Happy birthday Ana, what did you receive for your birthday," Leila asked.

"I received earrings from my mother," she told Leila, showing her what looked like diamonds in her ears. "This morning I got Christian back along with flowers, daisies in fact and just now he has given me this beautiful bracelet."

Ana shook her wrist, giggling as the charms jingled. I had missed that giggle so much and I vow to do whatever I can to hear it a lot more from this day on.

"That boy was never far away from you," Susannah told her as I wrapped my arm around Ana's waist, pulling her closer to me.

"I agree. We might have toured the country but his mind was back here, never settling until it was time to come back" Leila added.

"I know how that feels. I did not realise how on edge I was until I heard the train whistle as you pulled into town and I could finally relax once again."

"Did the animals go down alright this evening?" I asked my father.

"Eventually, I do not think they appreciated someone else settling them in."

"I am sorry, I took you away from them" Ana apologised.

"You did not Ana, it is that I forget to give them the treats that Christian does give them. He spoils them when all they receive from me is their normal feed."

"They are your pets," she said, giggling again as I nodded my head.

"They are his animals but they will never be allowed to get into the carriage to sleep on the end of his bed as a normal pet would" my mother added.

"I would not have a bed if Daisy or the cats sat on it" I laughed before turning to Ana. "Do you want to go and give my pets their treat."

"Of course," she said excitedly, taking my offered hand.

I ignored the groan from my father especially as he knows that once they are up and awake it will take a while to settle them again. It was worth it to see Ana's face though as we entered the menagerie.

The cats were both asleep snoring loudly, even Daisy had settled down for the night. It was Bob who woke them all up, wanting his attention first.

They received their treat first followed by apples for the horses. Growler and Hera received a piece of meat which was ignored for a moment when they saw the person by my side.

Growler yawned, showing his gummy mouth before he got down from the platform he had been sleeping on. Sauntering over to where we were he ignored my hand in favour of Ana's.

"I am always surprised that they remember me" Ana whispered, running her hand through his fur.

"It is your scent they remember as well as you."

"Hera, are you not coming" Ana spoke aloud, hearing Daisy's trumpet at her wanting Ana's attention too. Hera had a little surprise for Ana, one that was revealed when she came over to us. "Oh my.."

"I know" I whispered as we both looked at the little cub Hera had left behind. "Her name is Cora."

"You did not tell me about her in your letters."

"She is only four months old so I would have only been able to write about her in the last few letters I sent to you. I wanted it to be a surprise though."

"It is a beautiful surprise Christian," Ana said as she gave Hera the same attention Growler had received.

Myself, I gave Cora a pat, knowing that her mother's eyes will be on me at all times.

When Ana moved over to Daisy, I had my hands on Hera and Cora. Like all mothers should be, Hera is very protective of her cub, having only let a very select few near her offspring. Growler is laid back as always but I know for a fact if anyone should try and hurt either of his girls, he would rip them apart teeth or not.

Like always with Ana and Daisy, Ana's tears were shed as she practically hugged the large girl before her.

Daisy's trunk like before came around Ana and lifted her off the ground.

"Do you know, she refuses to do that to anyone else. It is like she plays dumb when you are not around and only you can bring out the intelligence she hides inside" I told Ana as Daisy put her back down again.

"Who have you had her pick up or try to," she asked me.

"Only my mother but she was having none of it. It is you or no one."

"Maybe in the future, I could ride her again then."

"I think she would like that and so would I" I admitted.

We left the menagerie, knowing our time for this evening anyway was growing short. Our carriage was waiting as I had asked and even though we were nearly an hour later than the time I had stated, our driver was only too happy to wait having been heavily compensated for his troubles when he had picked me up earlier in the evening.

Approaching Ana's home, I could see the curtains twitching from one of the downstairs windows, knowing it was probably her father waiting to pounce. So as not to have our goodnight kiss ruined, I kissed Ana before helping her down from the carriage.

"Did you both have a lovely evening?" her mother asked opening the door. "Do not worry, he has gone up to bed, the miserable man."

"I had a lovely evening mother, look," Ana said, jingling her wrist about to show her the bracelet I had given to her.

"My, that is beautiful," Carla said, looking at the charms that were on it.

"I will see you tomorrow?" Ana asked as she was about to go inside.

"Of course, and the day after that and the day after that and the day….."

"I get the message" she laughed before leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss my lips. "Goodnight my love."

"Good night Ana, I love you."

My words like hers brought a smile to both of our faces and that was the last thing I saw before the door was closed behind them.

"Back to the circus" the driver asked.

"Please," I told him, as he turned the carriage around and headed back down towards the town. Our days were numbed of visiting this house and I could not wait until they were over.

….

The circus had been busy all week, packed houses every night. For each and every one of them, Ana had been with me. For tonight only though her family would be coming and when they do arrive Ana will go and sit with them instead of staying behind the scenes with me. What the others do not know is that it will be Ana's last night here, a night she wanted to spend with her mother.

I was out in the midway with Daisy while Ana spent some time in the menagerie with the cats. Like I thought they would, Growler and Hera have let Ana near to Cora who had taken quite a shine to my girl.

I watched as her family arrived. A smile as always was on Carla's face, the others including Ana's sister and her new husband had faces that looked like they had eaten something sour.

"Christian" Carla greeted me with a smile as I stopped Daisy in front of the group.

"Carla, it is lovely to see you."

"I can see why my daughter is so happy to be here with such magnificent creatures like this."

"Too bad she will have to say goodbye tonight. Where is my sister by the way, is she taking her time to walk out," Ana's vile sister said, earning a laugh from her husband and her father too I am sure.

"She is looking after the cats for me, keeping them all in line."

"Cats as in..."

"Lions," I told her, taking pleasure in the look of shock on her face. "The lions just like all the animals here are drawn to Ana's kindness, her beautiful heart. If I was you, I would stay away."

"Can I see her?" Carla asked me.

"Of course, I need to take Daisy back but you are more than welcome to come with me," I told her, looking to Elliot who was taking money from guest's who wanted to have their photo taken with the elephant.

"Can we come, this I have to see?" he sister said laughing.

"NO, no you cannot," I told her, trying to keep the anger from my voice. I calmed myself, thinking of Ana before turning to her mother. "Carla if you would like to come with me," I asked, offering her my arm.

We left the others in the midway, making our way towards the back yard where I led Daisy into the menagerie. Before we had even reached the doorway, we could hear Ana speaking to the animals inside.

"Cora, I am not a toy to be chewed. You have teeth remember" Ana spoke, laughing.

Seeing Ana in the pen with these big cats, I think took her mothers breath away. These beasts could kill her, eat her at any moment but like with me, Ana had gained their trust.

It was a growl from Hera because a stranger was in the tent that got Ana's attention. One that was instantly quietened as Ana calmed them with her words before she got up from the hay bale she had been sat on, coming over to our side.

"You have a little one following you," I said, laughing as Ana turned around, seeing Cora walking behind her.

"She is lovely, and has gained her fathers love of fun too….. Mother is everything all right."

"Everything is fine sweetheart, ignore my tears. It fills my heart with joy to see you happy and out of that room. I am going to miss you so much when you leave but to know you will finally be living, and so so happy, to me that means everything."

Ana stepped out of the pen, embracing her mother before apologising if she smelt of the animals as she had been crawling about on the floor with Cora not long before.

"Do not worry about such things, you are perfect my dear."

Carla waited with me while Ana went back to what will be our room to get ready for this evening. Once she returned, I escorted them both into the big top where they took their seats.

Like always my father entered the ring first, getting everyone excited for the night ahead. I did not know what words were being spoken between Ana and her sister but I wanted to wipe the smug look off her sisters face.

When I entered the ring, it was only with Growler this time. Hera would stay with Cora for a while yet as we would never want to separate them. Only when Cora is old enough to come out with her, would she return.

My act like always gained cheers and gasps from the crowd. Who would have thought Growler would like heights as he did. Walking up onto the platform that was a few feet above my head, he stopped right above me.

I held my hand up, and also a large cane not dissimilar to Ana's in my arm and just to make everyone gasp and then laugh, he decided to chomp on my arm.

"Really" I spoke loud enough so everyone could hear. "Would it be possible to have my arm back."

Releasing my arm, we started again and yet again, my arm was what he grasped.

"How is he not eating him," one child asked.

"How is he not in pain" a man called out louder.

It was Ana's voice I heard above all the others when she told them it was trust, the bond between us that meant there was no pain to be had.

Finally, Growler took the cane in his mouth while some laughed as I wiped the slobber from my arm. Holding it aloft, they could see that I did not have a mark.

To end our act, Growler circled the ring, walking on the hay bales that were around the outside. He stopped though at one point, letting out a loud roar and much to my delight it was right in front of Ana.

Her family were all sat on the front row and apart from Ana and her mother were all leaning back in their seats.

Having received the command to find Ana, he left the ring then bounding over to her before laying down at her feet. The applause was deafening when Ana started to stroke his mane, laughing also when he took hold of Ana's arm too.

"Get this thing away from me" Katherine spoke, fear filling her voice as I approached.

"He is a lion, an animal not a thing," Ana told her, placing her other hand on Growler's head where we all heard a purr.

As I called Growler to me, I believe he was not too happy to leave Ana, no doubt picking up on the hostility that surrounded her. She will be fine though, once we are away from here.

Ana joined me in the menagerie shortly after, forgoing the rest of the show while her family stayed put, probably apart from Carla, too afraid to move.

"My mother is leaving straight after, she has asked me to go with her," she told me.

"That is fine Ana, we will have plenty of time together tomorrow morning."

"I cannot wait. What time do we leave" she asked me.

"11 am. Are you sure you do not want me to pick you up tomorrow."

"No, we will be fine. My father will be at work and my mother has already told him she needs Emmett to come back once he has dropped him at the office as she has some errands to run. I will be accompanying her on those errands as a way to cheer me up after your departure, that is what they think anyway. My sister and her husband will be staying at the house this evening to save them the journey home so I will no doubt have to put up with her vicious tongue until they leave in the morning. It is her more than even my father who I cannot wait to leave behind. As sisters, we should have been close, as close as my mother and hers. Katherine is too spiteful though, too self-centred for us to have ever been close."

"Hours now Ana, no more days, weeks or even years. Hours is all we have now until we leave this place behind."

She smiled, rising on her tiptoes so her lips reached mine. The kiss we shared, I knew would last us the hours we were apart knowing there would be more to come after that.

…..

The big top was down, the animals loaded as everyone got ready to leave. My eyes as always were on the road, especially as the time to depart came closer.

When the carriage came into sight, I let go of the breath I had been holding, that was until my heart stuttered when it was Raymond Steele who emerged not Ana. The smug look he had on his face said it all, he knew about our plan today and he had done something to stop Ana from getting here.

"WHERE IS ANA" I shouted, gaining a crowd from all around, especially my parents.

"She is not coming. Do you really think she would want to live on a train with you, live in filth as you do? I should thank you for giving my daughter a friend if only for a while as most look at her foot and look away. She has had her fun, her games and has no use for you now."

"What are you speaking about," I asked, confusion filling my mind with what he was saying.

"Did you really think she would love someone like you. Really" he said, letting out a booming laugh.

I knew everything he was saying was a lie, I knew Ana and he certainly did not. My heart, as well as my soul, loved Ana and I knew those feelings were returned a hundredfold every time she looked at me.

"Where is Ana," I asked again, ignoring his spiteful words.

"At home where she is staying, although she did write you a note to say goodbye. Personally, I would not have wasted the time, especially on someone like you."

I took the note from him, opening it as I tried to ignore the shaking of my hands. I did not have to read the words that were written here because just looking at the penmanship, I knew Ana had not written this.

"These are not Ana's words, this is not Ana's handwriting. This, just like the things you were speaking about are lies, it is all false, just like you."

"How would you know what my daughter's handwriting is like," he asked me, some of the arrogance from earlier, disappearing from his voice.

"Because Ana and I have been writing to each other for the past two years. I know the way she writes and it is not just putting words down on a page. Each word is written with love and with feeling and I can feel them lifting from the page to embrace me. This letter is cold, there is no Ana here because she has not written it."

"It is Ana," he spat, as we were joined by more of my circus family, one against a hundred. He did not stand a chance against us and even if he did call a policeman as he was threatening to do now if I went near his house, he would not stop me getting to Ana.

"CHRISTIAN" we heard a scream, Ana's voice but I could not see her.

Raymond was looking around also and we both found her at the same time, on a horse being ridden by her mother as they came through the trees.

As I started running towards Ana, Raymond started his run toward them too. I would not let him get between me and my girl, I would not let him take her from me. As Ana slipped from the horse, into my arms, it was Carla's words what stopped him.

"Raymond Steele, you stay the hell away from my daughter. She is my girl never yours. She is not the only one leaving today, I am leaving too and when I get to where I am going, I am filing for divorce."

**Thank you for reading.**

**The next chapter will be up in a few moments.  
**

**Take care**

**Caroline. **


	9. Chapter 9

APOV

_Earlier that morning._

I could hear those in the house moving about as I packed the small case I was taking with me. I did not own much, so there would be no nicknack's from places I had been as I had not been anywhere in my eighteen years of life but this small town and my grandparents when they were alive who lived in the next town over. Photographs of my mother and myself, a few clothes, my bracelet and earrings, my birthday gifts from those I love. My letters and daisies that Christian had given to me were safely packed away too. Those daisies were all pressed into the book of poetry I had received two years ago and I made sure that I had each and every one.

My father will be leaving for work soon and thankfully once he is gone I will not have to see him again. As always Katherine likes to linger, shouting orders at the staff. She does that too much to make up for the fact that at their small home, there is no staff there to command.

Hearing a tap on my door, I placed my case down on the floor so that no one could see it when they opened the door. Calling them to come in, it was my mother who entered.

"Are you all ready?" she asked me and I could tell that she had been crying this morning.

"Yes," I said, in a whisper as I held my arms out to her.

She was the one who wrapped me in her arms as I lay my head against her shoulder. I took in as much of my mother's scent as I could, having no clue at the moment when I would see her next.

"I am going to miss you, my girl," she said, her voice hoarse.

"I will miss you so much, mother. I wish you would come with us."

"I will never be far from you Ana. When I am settled at your aunts and I am rid of your father once and for all, I will try and visit as much as I can. I heard from Grace that one of the towns that they stop in is your aunts so I will see you there. Do not worry my child, wherever you may be, I will find you."

"I know" I sighed, looking around my room.

We were interrupted then by my bedroom door being opened by my sister.

"Katherine, entering without knocking is rude," our mother told her.

"I was only coming to inform you mother that Boyce and I are leaving soon. We are just finishing breakfast with father and then we will be off. I would have liked to have breakfast with my mother but as usual, she is with her favourite child. What has you in tears anyway" she asked me before letting out a laugh. "Oh, yes that is it is it not, your beloved circus is leaving today."

"Shut up Katherine and get out of my room. There is no room for your vicious tongue in here."

"Do not worry, I am going. I will wave goodbye to the train as it is leaving. Our town can breath easy that the criminals have left."

"Get out," I told her but as usual Katherine ignored me, taking pleasure in what she thought was my pain. Our mother, always the one to separate us, stepped forward towards Katherine to escort her out of my room but as she moved, she knocked the side of the case that I had been packing.

Instantly Katherine's eyes went to it before she looked to me. She shook her head, knowing what it was for before she let out a screech.

"FATHER, FATHER COME QUICK."

"Katherine get out of here," our mother said, shocking my sister as she pushed her shoulder to remove her from my room.

The damage was done though as my father entered and Katharine told him I had a bag packed and was planning to leave.

He tried to get to the case but my mother stood in front of him, refusing to move out of the way. All throughout this his bellowing voice hurt my ears, telling me I was never leaving this house.

"You cannot stop me, I am of age" I called out to him, stopping him as he was about to leave my room.

"We will see about that. I should have known you would do something like this, though I did not expect your mother to encourage such behaviour."

In his rage, he snatched my cane from my hand, nearly toppling me in the process before he snapped it in two. Throwing it on the bed, he shouted at us all not to leave the house before the door slammed below.

"Mother" I cried, holding onto her not just because my heart was breaking but for support as the cane was of no use to me any more. I loved that cane and the independence it gave me and like everything else, he had taken that away.

"Do not worry my girl."

"How can I not," I told her before we both heard a malicious laugh behind us.

Having enough of my sister, I found a use for my cane when I threw it at her, hitting her square in the middle of her forehead with the first piece. The other piece disappointingly only hit her arm as my hands were shaking.

"You are a freak, a FREAK. You belong with them" she said, through her tears.

"I am a freak and I am proud of it. There is nothing wrong with being different and I would not change the way I am for anything. I would never stop your happiness so I do not know why you would try and stop mine" I told her as my mother walked us towards the door of my bedroom and past the woman on the floor.

Like always, my sister was unable to do anything for herself, sobbing for her husband to pick her up when he appeared at the top of the stairs, seeing his wife on the floor.

"Do not get in my way?" my mother told him.

Boyce said no words as we passed, slowly making our way down the stairs. I did not know where we were going as the carriage was gone but if my mother was going to help me hobble down the hill so I could get to Christian, I did not care about the amount of pain I would be in when I reached the bottom.

"Roy, saddle up and bring me Silver" my mother called out to our stable boy before she turned to me. "You have done so well with the horses Ana, please trust me to get you safely to Christian."

Through my tears, I nodded before kissing her cheek. Soon Roy was back with Silver and once we were both atop, my case that my mother had been holding, now tightly held in my hand, we were galloping down the hill.

"He will not leave without me," I said, repeating the words over and over again.

"That young man is not going anywhere without you Ana. If your father is there, Christian will see through any lies he tells him."

As we approached the bottom of the hill, I screamed out Christian's name. He had to hear me, he had to know I was coming. As we entered the circus ground, making our way over the tracks, my mother was right, my father was there and as we moved closer to them, they ran towards us.

I slid from the horse, holding tightly onto Christian, never wanting him to let go. I ignored my father's words, although my mothers I did hear when she told him she was leaving and divorcing him.

"He tried to stop me coming to you, he broke my cane," I said, looking up into Christian's eyes. Brushing my tears away, he kissed each mark they had made.

"She is my daughter too and she is not going anywhere" I heard my father say our focus back on them.

"Really, when have you ever treated her like a daughter," my mother said, only it was not my father who spoke next.

"You have no love in your heart for that girl, you have no love for anyone. You hid her away when her strength to fight through the pain should have been something you encouraged not extinguished" Grace added.

"And what would you know, you are a freak just like she is," he said pointing to me.

It all happened in a split second as Christian released me to my mother before my father was writhing in pain on the floor. Christian had punched him square in the face and I believe if he had not done it, then Carrick would have as he stood over him too, angry that he had called his wife a freak.

"Call a policeman, someone call for a policeman," my father said, getting up with blood seeping from his nose.

"You will find no one listening to your commands here," Elliot told him.

"Tell me, something father," I said as the others quietened. "Was I a disappointment to you because I am not a boy, because I walk differently than your precious Katherine or was it guilt that made you treat me this way because I am lame. That is what you call me is it not, like a lame horse that needed to be put to sleep. Would you have preferred it if I had died that day so you would have no longer needed to see me."

"Ana," my mother sobbed, and I knew her tears were because I may not have been here.

"I am sorry mother, these are words that I have held inside me for a very long time, questions that I know I will never probably get an answer too….You locked me away" I said, turning back to my father. "But not only do I deserve to be free but I also deserve to have a life. You put me on that horse despite me telling you repeatedly that I was scared. You were too busy looking at Katherine that day despite me being in your care only for you to tell me to get up and stop crying because I was embarrassing you when I fell. You hid me so that no one had to see what a failure of a father you are. I am free now to live the life that I was always destined to lead, with the man that I love. I am your burden no more."

"You never were a burden," my mother told me.

"I know mother, to you."

"You are no burden to me either" Christian said.

"Or us" Grace added as all those around except my father nodded.

"Have you quite finished this pathetic charade, if so I want you back home" my father barked.

Hearing the slap that my mother's hand had on his face, I knew she had finally got his attention.

"The only charade has been our marriage and not only has my daughter ended her time as your prisoner, so have I."

"You cannot" he stuttered, realising for the first time that what she said was real.

"Oh I can, just watch me."

As the clock tower in town struck eleven, I knew it was time to leave. Most started getting on board on Carrick's instruction as I pulled my mother to me. I was nervous leaving her here with this man but she told me her plan was to go forward not back. She had been sending the items she wanted to keep to my aunts when she had been running her errands in town every week. She had been planning for this day when I was to leave, the day she would also leave that home.

"You go and live, be happy, so so happy."

"I will, I will miss you so much" I sobbed, hugging her to me.

"Just like Christian has not been far from your heart, neither will I be. You are setting off on a new life my Ana and I will be there for many parts of it. I believe you will be spending Christmas in Seattle this year and I plan on being there for that…. Christian, you have made my daughter so happy and that is the most precious gift besides being her mother that I have ever received. Look after our girl please."

"I promise, Carla I will."

She kissed my cheek once more, wiping my tears away as I did the same to her. All throughout men were keeping my father from moving closer.

When I finally released my hold on my mother, we watched as she made her way to the carriage my father had arrived in, Emmett helping her inside. Like had been planned he was to bring me here to start my new life today and as we watched them depart, leaving my father alone on the road, he was now taking her away to start hers.

"Are you ready to go my love" Christian asked me.

"Yes, everything I own is in this small case but everything I want is stood before me."

Christian scooped me up into his arms, carrying me through all the now cheering people who were assembled, only putting me down when we were on the train. He had actually put me down in Daisy's car, knowing just like they do with him, the animals will keep me calm.

Hearing the whistle blow once again, I felt the train start to move. We were at the front at the moment as the train moved us onto the main line that ran through town. Once the train was fully on the main line the engine would decouple and move to the front leaving the animal cars where they always were, at the rear.

"Any regrets" Christian asked, as I looked toward the house on the hill that had not only been my prison but my mothers for so long.

"No never," I said, looking into his beautiful grey eyes.

"I cannot give you riches or big houses like that. I can give you freedom and a crazy life though. I can give you me."

"That is all I want, a life with you Christian."

As the whistle blew again to say goodbye to the town, I ignored everything but this man who held me. As his lips met mine, I looked forward to the life we were starting together.

**Thank you for reading. **

**I am hoping to have the next chapter up by the end of the week.**

**Until then, take care. **

**Caroline**


	10. Chapter 10

THIS IS ME 10

CPOV

As we left Montesano far behind us, we spoke about what had occurred that morning. From her sister and father's actions at home to the letter that man had given me, trying to pass it off as Ana's. I still had that letter, automatically pushing it into my pocket when I had started to run to Ana.

She had gotten rid of those lies, ripping them to pieces and throwing them from the back of the train.

Once we were both calm enough, we started the long walk through each carriage to get to our own. The men were thankfully dressed and polite to Ana as we passed. The ladies, especially Leila and Susannah, all crowded around her to make sure she was alright.

I believe this morning had taken it out of Ana and with no longer having her cane to lean on, she quickly grew tired. Reaching the carriage that I shared with my parents, only then did the conversation of where she would be sleeping come up.

"I know some would not see it as proper" I spoke, my words silenced by a finger to my lips.

"I am past caring what others think of me Christian and especially what is seen as proper. If you want me to, I am happy to share with the girls but I would much rather stay with you."

"I would like that too," I replied, before placing a kiss to her lips.

I had spoken to my parents about sleeping arrangements the very first time I told them about wanting Ana to come with me. As always, they were supportive, knowing we were both adults now, old enough to make our own choices. As long as we were both happy then that is all that mattered to them.

Entering my room, Ana placed her small case onto my bed. I pushed my clothes aside in the tiny closet that I had, making room for hers.

"What is that," Ana asked.

"This," I replied, pulling my belt from the closet.

"No, that. The red and gold."

"Oh, this."

I pulled my very first ringmasters uniform from my closet, which made Ana giggle at the size.

"Have you worn it?" she asked, taking it from me before running her fingers over the gold brocade.

"Yes, many times, although I have not worn it for a while."

"I should hope not" she laughed. "Is it something that is sentimental to you as you have kept it a long time."

"I suppose it is, who knows maybe one day my son will wear it."

"A son," she asked, all laughter gone from her voice now.

"If that is what you want too. I love you, Ana, I want to show you the world and share our own little world with you too."

"Children" she sighed, looking out of the window seeing the trees flying by.

"You do not want children," I asked, sitting by her side.

"I do, I just never thought I would ever be in a position to think about such things. Children as well as finding love were things that only happened in my dreams. My dreams were the only place I could keep my secrets, the only place that my wishes could not be taken away. From the moment we met, you were in each and every one of my dreams. There, until you came back was the only place I could keep you alive, the only place where I could speak to you and he could not pull me away."

"They will no longer be just dreams Ana. Whatever you want to do from this day forth, wherever you want to go, it will be our reality."

"I do not need to go anywhere Christian, I am where I want to be," she told me, placing her lips to my own.

Ana and I spent some time putting her few clothes away, before placing the box of my letters she had kept and the photograph of her and her mother on the dresser. I showed her the drawer where I kept my letters from her, knowing each of them was safely inside. The book of poetry I had given Ana long ago was placed on top of the box, holding the daisies inside. I was just starting to give Ana a kiss for each flower I had sent to her when we heard my mother call us for lunch. There was no rush now, I would make sure each kiss was received as time was no longer a barrier between us. We had all the time in the world to share together now, plenty of time for kisses and much much more.

….

We had nearly two days on the train together until our next stop, most of that time being spent together in our room. Our room, I love the sound of that, especially now that Ana is here.

Ana did also enjoy spending time with the girls as having friends was not something she had ever had before. Besides her mother, her sister was the only female Ana had ever really been around and she had never been friendly to her.

"You might have to go and claim her back" my mother laughed as Ana had been gone a few hours now.

"No, Ana finally has people to speak to, other than us and her mother. Besides, with Ana down there, I can continue to do this" I told her, looking down at the piece of wood I had been using to make Ana a new cane.

It was a tree branch at one point, one I had found in the cat's pen. If it can withstand being thrown about by them then it will withstand any weight Ana puts against it.

"It is lovely son, she is sure to love it," my mother told me, taking a closer look at the soon to be cane.

"I hope so" I replied, taking it back from her, before laying it across my lap. "Ana and I have been speaking about a job for her now she is here. She does not want to sit back and do nothing despite me telling her that there is no rush. Ana told me that she wants to work, be active and earn her keep."

"Gail could always use some help in the cookhouse but Ana would be on her feet all the time there. There are always the food stands, the ticket booth, she can take a day at them all and see what suits her best. If I am honest with you though Christian, I think any job in the circus Ana should be doing is with that elephant. No one, not even you can get Daisy to do the things she is willing to do with Ana. I think it would be good for both of them to work together and see what they can do."

"I think that would be good too but it would have to be at Ana's pace. We have spoken before about her riding Daisy again but as she has been hidden away for so long, thrusting her into the limelight night after night might just be too much."

"She will receive no pressure from us Christian."

"I know mother, she will receive none from me either."

"Now, have you decided on a time or place," she asked me excitement filling her voice.

"I have thought about on our last night before we break up for winter. If she says yes, oh I hope she says yes then it will give us some time alone together after without having to get ready for the next show."

"Whenever and wherever you decide to ask her, it will be perfect as I know the answer will be yes."

I love my mother's enthusiasm. It did not stop the butterflies that filled my belly at the thought of the ring that was hidden at the top of my closet though. Those butterflies only increased when I thought about putting it onto the finger of the woman I love.

When Ana came back, helped by Susannah she had a beautiful smile on her face. Like always her smile takes my breath away, especially when that smile was for me.

"I will see you tomorrow," Susannah said.

"You too Susie."

"Susie" I repeated when Susannah had left the carriage and Ana had sat down by my side.

"Yes, that is what all the girls call her."

"You are honoured as I have never been asked to call her that."

"That is because you are not a girl" she giggled, resting her head upon my chest.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"No, just comfortable to lay here. Am I squashing you."

"Do not be silly, you weigh as much as a feather. There is no weight on you at all."

"I will have to start eating more red meat then. You will not be able to pick me up then."

"I will always carry you, Ana, wherever you need to go."

"I know," she said, looking up into my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too, my Ana."

….

When our train stopped later that day, I could see the confusion on Ana's face that we had not stopped in a town. No, I could see our destination a half mile from where we were now, my grandparents home.

"Has the train broken down" Ana asked.

"No, we are just stopping here for a little while."

"Are we still going to Portland?" she asked me.

"Yes, do not worry. Our journey has not changed. See the house over there, well the top of it as you can probably only see the smoke from the chimney more than the house itself."

"I know I am short Christian but I can still make out the roof and chimney pot," she scolded, making me laugh.

"Alright, alright, that is my grandparents home. We always stop here for a few hours on our way past. We would all like to stop for longer but we have a schedule to keep."

"Does everyone go to your grandparent's?" she asked.

"No, only the family and that includes you. My grandmother especially has been looking forward to meeting you as she is the one who received your letters before they were sent on to me."

"I look forward to seeing her then," Ana said, excitement filling her voice now she knew where we were.

"Are you two ready?" my mother asked, knocking lightly on our bedroom door. "Your grandfather is on his way."

"We are coming mother," I replied, helping Ana up from the bed where she had been putting on her shoes.

"I do miss my cane, although walking arm in arm, no longer hidden has become one of my favourite places to be."

"You will never be hidden again Ana, ever."

She placed a kiss to my lips as we heard a horse outside. My grandfather coming to meet us with his horse and open carriage.

As I helped Ana down from the train, coming face to face with the horse, she did not flinch away.

"Hello boy, or are you a girl," Ana asked, placing her hand onto the side of the horse's face.

"She is a girl and she obviously likes you," my grandfather said, shaking my hand once he had released my mother.

"Grandpa, this is Ana, my girlfriend. Ana, this is my grandfather, Theodore Trevelyan."

"It is lovely to meet you, Mr Trevelyan," Ana said as my grandfather wrapped both of his hands around Ana's even though her arm was still through mine.

"Grandpa please, you are family after all," he said, earning a smile from my girl.

"Grandpa," she said, more to herself, having not said that word for a long time.

I helped Ana into the carriage, taking a seat by her side. Once my parents were seated also, we were on our way up the small lane to the house where I had spent much of my early childhood.

Luke would look after the animals while we were here with instructions to stay away from Cora. I do not want to return to find him missing a limb and if he is, he will have no one to blame but himself.

"How are the animals," my grandfather asked me as we approached the small farmhouse. "Your mother was telling me about your new cat."

"Cora, she is a little thing at the moment, well little for a lioness. I do not doubt that she will be as big as her parents one day. She has her parents playful spirit, especially when Ana is in the pen with them."

"That I would like to see" he laughed as my grandmother emerged from the house.

"It is wonderful to see you, and finally a new addition as well."

My grandmother always the happy bubbly woman that she is made a beeline for Ana first, practically pulling her from my arms with the tight grip that she had.

"Mother" her daughter chastised but she was just as happy to see that Ana was here as my grandmother was.

"It is lovely to finally meet you, my girl, come, come," she spoke, encouraging us to follow her into the house.

"Where is my hug Grandma" I complained.

"I will give you yours when this young lady is comfortably sat down."

I looked to Ana, earning a beautiful smile as we made our way at her pace into the house. Once Ana was seated, my grandmother took my face between her hands and smothered me with kisses.

Ana could not control her laughter, my parents and grandfather, too. I should have expected the kisses as she does it every time we visit.

"I love you, my grandson," she said, patting my cheek.

"I love you too grandma, now what is it you are cooking, I could smell it from the train."

"You and your stomach" she laughed.

We spent some time in the drawing room while my mother and grandmother finished making dinner. Unlike in Ana's past home, there were no staff here, my grandparents preferring to do everything themselves. When we did finally sit down to eat, the table was laden with food, more food than Ana had ever seen before she told us.

"Did they not feed you?" my grandmother asked, before apologising for being so nosy.

"It is alright. My father kept my palate simple, bland and tasteless I think too. We did have fish from time to time but most of the food he liked was kept for the parties he threw. My mother did bring some of the food up to me once but not tasting food like that before, I did not like it. It was too rich in taste for my basic palate that it made me ill so I stuck to what food I knew at the time. I do have to say that my favourite meals by far are those that have been spent with the ones that I love. The afternoon tea my mother and I shared when we had our day out once a month and the meal that was made for my birthday this year when I tasted red meat for the first time, those are amongst my favourites that stand out."

"There will be many more things for you to experience now you are away from that place Ana, and I do not just mean the food. New cities and towns to explore, lots of new people and different cultures to meet and try."

"Christian is right my dear," Grandpa said. "There is a whole world out there waiting for you to explore and I would have a bet that my grandson will be there by your side."

"I would not want him anywhere else," she said, smiling at me.

Like all of our visits here, it is over too quickly. Like Carla, my grandparents will be joining us for Christmas so I know it will not be long until we see them again.

"I like your grandparents," Ana told me when we were back in our room, the train once again moving.

"They like you too, very much," I told her. "Are you tired?" I asked.

"No, I am wide awake despite having a busy day. Do you need to go and feed the animals?" she asked, wrapping her arms around me.

"No, Luke would have seen to them. I do hope he still has all his limbs otherwise the cats would have had an extra treat this evening."

"Christian," she said, her hand smacking my chest before laughter burst forth between us.

Seeing Ana here and this happy is what I have dreamed about for so long. Being able to steal a kiss without being told to move away, is a pleasure that could not get any better. That was what I thought until our kiss deepened and our hands started moving, exploring places they had never been before.

I held Ana in place with one hand as my other moved down her back. It was my girl who startled me at first, her hand touching my bottom.

She let out a giggle that brought on my smile. To know that we trusted each other completely and were comfortable with the touches the other gave just increased the love that we shared.

I wanted to make love to Ana more than anything but it had to be when she was ready. I did not realise that as she placed a kiss to my lips whispering her request to make love to her that that time was now.

Bringing my hands to her face she supported herself by holding onto my shirt. I looked into her eyes searching for any worry, any fear but all I saw love reflected back. Neither of us had done anything like this before and if I am honest with myself I was a little nervous at not being able to make her feel good.

Ever since we met on that road so long ago there was no one else for me but Ana. As I slowly removed the clothes she was wearing, I knew through her love and her kisses, there was never anyone else for her but me.

Laying Ana on top of our bed with not a stitch of clothing on, I could not contain the groan that escaped my lips. Beautiful, there were no other accurate words to describe the sight before me, although breathtaking and exquisite may do as well.

"Are you to remain dressed?" she asked me. "I do not know much, no take that back I know nothing about what we are about to do but I think wearing clothes will simply get in the way."

I had to smile at her words, knowing in the teasing there were no nerves from her. I did know that as I moved naked myself onto the bed, being here just the two of us, my earlier nerves had gone away too.

"I fear this will hurt you, how much though I do not know."

"I know you would not hurt me intentionally Christian. If I have to feel a little pain, some discomfort, just to be with you then so be it."

Crawling up the bed, I settled between Ana's open legs. She let out a nervous giggle at how close we both were, one that disappeared with our kiss and my touches to her very sacred place.

"Are you ready?" I asked, my words but a whisper now as I fought for control of my body at seeing Ana enveloped in the pleasure that my fingers did bring.

"I am Christian, I am ready to give you all of me" she moaned.

Pushing my penis inside Ana slowly, I was so thankful that I had made her feel good first. I could feel the barrier my father had told me about on one of his talks, knowing Ana's pain was about to come. Pushing thoughts of my father aside, I placed my lips to Ana's swallowing her cries as I made us both virgins no more.

"I am sorry" I apologised at seeing her tears, kissing them all away.

"Shh my love, just a moment please."

I would give Ana as long as she needed as my body had no plans to move from where I was unless Ana asked that is.

When Ana told me I was alright to move, my movements were slow to start. I was savouring every moment of our time together like this, every feeling our bodies were bringing, never wanting it to end. When I could feel the pleasure building, my hand moved down Ana, touching the spot I had found earlier, one that Elliot this time had told me about. The moment that my fingers touched it, caused a loud groan to leave Ana's lips.

I did not worry about my parents hearing us as their room was at the other end of the carriage, the animals in the fields that we passed though might have been in for a shock when my moans matched Ana.

The tightening I felt from Ana on my penis became too much for me and I became helpless to stop what came next. As Ana's moans reached the same intensity as the tightening, a cry left her lips. I knew then as my cries joined her that she had reached her peak as had I as I released my seed inside her.

Both of us seemed to be grasping for breath, both shaking too after as I removed my penis from her. Seeing her wince, I brought my hand up to Ana's face, cradling it as I looked into her eyes, wanting, needing to know she was all right. Seeing her smile followed by her giggle, I knew she was just fine.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I may not be able to move any limbs for a while but I feel…. I have no words."

"I know what you mean Ana. Coming together with you was perfect."

"It was certainly that. Did I break it though, squeeze it too hard as I was unable to stop anything my body was doing at that point."

"It is still attached" I laughed. "There is a little blood though."

"What, I did break it," she stated, worry filling her voice.

"Ana, the blood would have been from you. Did your mother never speak to you about the barrier inside that keeps your maidenhood intact."

"She did, yes." she smiled. "It seems such a long time ago now. With Katherine's blossoming relationship with Boyce, my mother told my father she needed to speak to her about such things. He was not impressed and neither was Katherine that I was included in such talks… Now enough about things that do not matter, Katherine and Raymond are in the past. I am looking forward to our future together now and when I can feel my body once more, maybe we can do that again."

I let out a laugh, loving this woman more and more each day. There was never one more perfect for me, especially in the life that we lead. There was no one more perfect for me than my Ana.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Ana gets to experience circus life next chapter.**

**Until then, take care. **

**Caroline. **


	11. Chapter 11

APOV

Despite the excitement of arriving in a new place, a new city, none of it compared to waking up in Christian's arms.

I know that what we did last night would be looked down upon by most, it would even be shameful to some for the fact that we had shared that special moment before marriage. I did not care what people thought though, I was long past caring what people who do not matter think of me. I am not ashamed of my foot and the way I walk and I am certainly not ashamed of giving myself to Christian.

"Good morning Ana" Christian mumbled, his arms tightening around me.

"Good morning my love" I replied, smiling when he opened his eyes.

He looked down at how close we were, smiling at me also when he no doubt remembered that there was not a stitch of clothing between us.

"How are you, are you sore," he asked.

"I ache a little but it was worth it."

"I have had many perfect moments since I met you Ana, but last night, was beyond words. To be so close to you, to hold you in my arms as you came apart underneath me… why are you blushing now" he laughed, seeing the redness I could feel filling my cheeks.

"Speaking of such things was never done in my parents home. My father would not even give my mother a kiss on the lips if they were in company, even if that company was just my sister and me. I think that is why he complained so much when you came to the house that first time and kissed me in front of them. To be able to speak about such things now is refreshing even if it does make me blush when I think of last night and what happened between us."

"What happened was two people who love each other very much, coming together for the first time. Our love was expressed in more than just kisses but with our bodies as well."

When he spoke this time, there was no blush, there was just a smile, one that was returned.

We stayed in our room until we heard people outside the carriage setting up all the circus tents, knowing we would need to move the animals soon. Before leaving though, there was one thing that I needed to discuss with Christian. A conversation that had our minds not been befuddled with desire the night before, should probably have happened then.

"Making love last night, what would happen if I…."

"Became pregnant" he finished sitting beside me on the bed, taking my hands between his. "Only abstinence would stop that from happening Ana. I believe that is why most wait until after marriage, most but not all. Do you know that I was conceived out of wedlock, my parents, they knew the moment they met that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together so why wait. They never regretted the choices they made and I will never regret any choice we make Ana. Here we live in a different world than those outside the circus, one where love and family come before money or status. If we are ever blessed with a child, no matter when they are born, you will find no happier father than me, no matter our age."

"I love you" I spoke, relaxing at his words as I kissed his lips.

"I love you, Ana, now come, we have a few animals to settle before breakfast."

…

Once all the animals were safely moved to the menagerie, it was my job and also my pleasure to feed Daisy. She was happy and playful to be away from the carriage, spending more time searching me for peanuts than actually eating the food I had put out for her, much to my amusement.

"Are you having fun" Christian laughed, seeing Daisy's trunk come around my waist, lifting me from the ground.

"Daisy is, I am just along for the ride" I laughed as she lifted me so high, I could climb onto her back.

"What a wonderful idea" we heard Carrick say, joining us in the tent.

"What is" Christian asked.

"I would like you, and Ana if you are up to it," he said looking to me. "I want you both to go out into town with Daisy and do the welcome."

"Will mother be riding Pepper ahead," Christian asked him.

"No, I will as always be there but I think seeing Ana riding Daisy through the streets will be the perfect welcome we need."

"What do you think" Christian asked, catching me as I slid from Daisy into his arms.

I know neither of these men would force me or say anything about it if I was not ready. I was though, I was ready to be seen and there was nowhere I felt more comfortable than with Christian and this elephant.

"I cannot wait," I said, seeing both men smile.

"Alright, that is wonderful. I will leave the details between yourselves and I look forward to seeing you both leave here tomorrow with Daisy."

Leaving us alone, Christian wrapped his arm around me, giving me the support that Daisy had been giving only moments before. Tilting my chin up with his finger, my eyes now met his.

"Are you sure, no one will say anything if you want to say no Ana?" he told me.

"I know and knowing that I have that support makes me all the more determined to climb on top of Daisy and ride her through the streets. You have always told me never to hide who I am and I will not Christian. My hiding days are over. I just hope Daisy does not want to take a seat in the middle of the streets as she does in the midway. I might topple from her back if she does."

"I will make sure you are safe and I think Daisy will too. I have noticed she does walk with a slower step when you are near as if she walks at your pace."

"I have noticed that too. That is one thing upon many that I love about animals and especially the animals that are here. They do not stare, they do not judge and they love unconditionally. I would say they are very like their owner who I love very much too."

"I love you, Ana, very much" he whispered before bringing his lips down onto mine.

…

Leaving the menagerie, we joined the others who were enjoying their breakfast, my plate soon filled just like theirs. The topic of conversation was the trouble they had last time they were here and especially one of the locals who had tried it on with one of the girls who worked with Elena.

Just because they offer their own show, and removing their clothes is a part of that show does not mean that these girls do not deserve the same respect as others. Susannah, Leila and some of the others had become good friends of mine and what they do for a living has no bearing on that friendship.

There is a rule they told me, that one does not touch or make the girls uncomfortable. One guest here ignored that rule I hear, being thrown quickly from the tent. Seeing the girl who is no longer travelling with the family on their final day in town, he had taken it upon himself to pull her into an alley with the intention of taking and touching whatever he wanted.

"Luckily Elliot and Luke were in town also," Christian said, pulling me closer to his side.

"Yes, they left the man in a right mess but he deserved the beating he got" Carrick agreed.

"It was worth the night in the cell, it was just a shame that Bell moved on," Elliot said sadly.

"She did not move on, she just took a break. It took a lot of talking to her to make her realise that just because of the job she did, did not mean that he had a right to touch her that way. Bell understands that now and she will be returning to us in the new year, although she did say she will try and see our final show before we break up for winter."

"When did you speak to her," Elliot asked as Christian whispered in my ear that Elliot had a thing for Bell.

"I have written to Bell and when we were in her home town last, Elena and I did visit her. Bell has enjoyed the break but she cannot wait to return. She did say that she is not ready to dance alone yet though so Elena will be putting an act together with a few of the other girls for when she returns. Bell also said she was looking forward to seeing someone special again" Grace smiled looking to Elliot.

"I cannot wait to see her also," he replied.

I could tell from the smile on Christian's face that he was happy for his friend, just like Elliot had been for him when Christian spoke to him about me.

…

That evening when everything was done, we all came together for our evening meal. I do admit that I had definitely needed the hot bath Christian had made up for me in our room earlier, him joining me although it was a bit of a squeeze, especially when he started to massage my tired feet. I would have been ashamed before of anyone looking at my foot let along touching it. With Christian there was no shame there, only love.

"WE ARE HERE ONCE AGAIN" Carrick called out, having silence from those all around. "OUR NUMBERS HAVE GROWN BY ONE SINCE OUR LAST STOP, AND A VERY WELCOME ADDITION TO OUR FAMILY SHE IS TOO," he said, tipping his hat to me, while cheers went up around the group, laughter too as I buried my red face into Christian's chest. "IN ALL SERIOUSNESS NOW, JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER STOP WE HAVE MADE, WE LOOK AFTER EACH OTHER. WE WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THE TROUBLES OF OUR LAST VISIT. WITH THAT AT THE FOREFRONT OF OUR MINDS, WE ARE STILL HERE TO ENTERTAIN, WE ARE STILL HERE TO MAKE OUR GUEST LAUGH AND CHEER BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY WE ARE HERE TO HELP THEM PART WITH THEIR MONEY."

That final part alone had everyone cheering and as I was now part of this family, even me.

"Ana, make sure you come to our tent tomorrow," Susie told me.

"What, why does she need to go there," Christian asked.

"Oh, Christian, not then," Leila said rolling her eyes as he must have thought that the girl's wanted me there when they were doing their evening show.

I do admit spending time in the girl's carriage, nudity or some being topless was something I had grown used too. All the girls shared the same carriage, dancers both in the ring and on the stage. They all got on so well and despite me only being able to dance in my dreams I was welcomed by them all.

"What are we doing in your tent," I asked the girls.

"You are riding Daisy out for the welcome. We can help you get dressed" Leila said.

"Yes, a little sparkle here and there, some makeup" Susie added.

"You are not going to change Ana" Christian asked, worry filling his voice.

"Do not be foolish Christian, Ana is perfect as she is. We are just going to enhance her beauty as it is time for everyone to see what a true star she really is."

I do not think he truly believed them but he has nothing to worry about. This is me, lame foot and all. The young woman Christian fell in love with and I would never do anything to change that.

Cuddling in bed that night, Christian asked me about what the girls would do the next day. My words and kisses silenced any worries he may have had before I fell asleep in my favourite place, his arms.

Morning soon came and along with it the morning chores. Most would grumble at getting up at an early hour but I enjoyed being able to contribute if only a little. I welcomed having something to occupy my time instead of staring from a window to the empty tracks far below waiting for the day to come when Christian would return. There is no more waiting for me, so with excitement to start the day, I kissed a sleeping Christian and slipped from the bed.

Leaving the carriage, it was quiet in the back yard, most still sleeping unless they had a job in the cookhouse getting breakfast ready for the hungry hoards. I was using a crutch Clifford had given to me, one that was originally part of his clown act as I carefully made my way to the menagerie, trying not to stumble on the way as I was welcomed by a trumpet from Daisy. The crutch was too big for my size but it was all I had for now.

"Shh, girl. You will wake everyone this morning and I was hoping to let Christian sleep."

I heard a purr then, no growl yet from my little girl as Cora came to greet me too. Growler and Hera had had their heads up as soon as I entered the tent but seeing it was me, they did not move closer to protect their cub.

They did look around to see where Christian was but once they had food, that was soon their priority.

"You should have woken me," Christian said, joining me what must be an hour later, pulling a piece of hay from my hair.

"You are always up so early, I thought I would let you sleep. Most of the jobs are done, I did try and clean out the cat's pen but Growler was in a playful mood with Cora and decided they were going to throw all their bedding everywhere."

"That does not surprise me" he laughed, looking at Cora lay in all the hay.

"Do we have a veterinarian as part of the circus?" I asked.

"No why, is everything ok."

"It is just Bob, he seems to have a runny nose. Maybe that is a normal thing for camels but he does not normally sneeze when I go near to him."

I watched Christian make his way over to Bob who he agreed did have a runny nose. Calling Carrick in who had been speaking to Jason and Merlin about being out there also during the welcome, he agreed with Christian that a veterinarian should be called.

Breakfast as always was a noisy affair apart from Christian who was quiet, his mind no doubt on Bob. Those animals are his, big and small and he was protective of them all, especially when one was sick.

I was able to speak to Grace quietly before everyone went their separate ways, handing her the letter that I had been writing these past few days to my mother. She was going into town this morning so had promised to send it for me. I did worry about my mother especially with what happened before she left. I missed our conversation's also, going from being able to speak to her every day to not at all. I wanted her to know that I was alright, that I was happy and I was loved. I need to know that she was happy also and she had reached my aunt where I know she will be safe from him.

When the veterinarian arrived, Christian left me with a kiss before I walked slowly with Elena to the girl's tent. This is what I love about those here, no one rushes me and there is no criticism when I am having a slow day.

"Can I ask you something, although you do not have to answer?" I said, making Elena laugh.

"Ask anything, my child, anything at all."

"Why do you do the job that you do, not that I think there is anything wrong with it."

"Why do I take my clothes off in a room full of men," she asked.

"Yes."

"We have very similar fathers, you and I Ana. Can I ask you something" she said, seeing my nod. "Did your father ever hurt you, beat you."

"No, I was ignored, hidden away."

"I would think that can be just as painful to a child as the strike of a hand or a stick."

I winced when she said that, knowing that although his words and behaviour to me was painful, he never struck me, my mother I think would have killed him.

"He, your father, he hit you."

"Many times" she sighed. "My mother died of sickness when I was a small child. He never wanted me so I became the noose around his neck that he could not get rid of. He always drank even when my mother was alive, that only got worse after her death. First, it was his hand, then his belt, even the stick he used to get about on when he drank too much. For years I put up with this, hiding away as much as I could. I found comfort in food, something else when my weight started gaining that he could bully me about. Reaching fifteen though, I found my way out" she told me smiling. "The circus came to town. Back then it was old man Trevelyan's circus. It was a lot smaller than this then, no large animals like there are now, no this had more people performers apart from the horses and camels. The day it was leaving, I climbed aboard having no clue where I was going, only that it had to be better than what I was leaving behind."

"They obviously let you stay," I stated.

"Yes, it was Grace who found me first, hiding away with all the animal feed. She hid me at first, bringing food to me but then one day before we were due to stop in a new town, her mother found me. I was terrified thinking they were going to throw me from the train or worse, raise their hand to me. When I cried though instead of harsh words or pain, she wrapped me in her arms and told me everything would be alright. Some of my marks were still raw, scars covering my body. I think Theodore wanted to turn the train around and give those scars to my father but I was too terrified to go back there again."

"Did he find you?" I asked as we approached the girl's tent.

"He did not even look. When we went back to town two years later, some recognised me, I even saw him but never approached. I had a family now, one who not only had my scarred back but they protected all of me… now you know my story, that does not really tell you why I dance though" she laughed.

"No, although I can understand that being here would give you the freedom to do as you wish."

"It does. I first started helping out in the cookhouse but I loved to watch the dancers rehearse, the dancers you see in the ring that is. One of the dancers, Leona, she pulled me up one day from where I had been sitting in the stands and started dancing with me. My mother had made sure I had dance and ballet lessons when I was young. Those moves had not really left me, so I could move despite my large size. I found it easy to do the dances they did, only not so easy was it to dance in a big top full of people. There was no pressure to perform from my new circus family, I took it at my own pace and when I did dance out there with the others, it was one of the greatest moments of my life. I felt a freedom I had never felt before although it was not long before the comments came. There were some about my weight and that my scars that were visible through my costume were scaring the children, one mother even calling me a freak."

"I have been called that before, by my own sister in fact… I told her I was proud of being different, that was before I threw my broken cane at her which bopped her on the head."

"I love your style" she laughed. "Their words did nothing to deter me from dancing and when an opening came available in the private tent, I asked if I could fill it. I was not ashamed of who I was and if people did look away, that was on them not me and they had already paid their entrance fee so it did not matter what they thought. Being out there, dancing, I am in my own world. Any initial gasps at my body soon turned to cheers when I started to move. Yes, I am older and much larger than the other girls but even big girls can dance and those men sure do get turned on."

Laughter left my lips, not just at her words but at being able to have a conversation such as this. This place, these people give everyone the chance to be themselves and despite missing my mother, I would not want to live anywhere else.

"Ana, Ana, Ana," Susie said, clapping each time she said my name as we entered the tent.

"Should I run now" I laughed at their excitement.

"You could try" Leila laughed. "Do not worry, if there was ever a need for you to get away from somewhere quick, we will carry you if we need to" she added, bringing a tear to my eyes.

"Hey, no tears, you left them all behind," Susie told me.

"I know," I told them, rubbing my eyes. "These are happy ones believe me. I am so happy that I am here, I got to meet you all and I have found such good friends, all of you" I said, smiling to Elena too.

"You are with friends but also with family," Elena told me before leaving me with the girls.

My hair had been styled I think as, at present, they will not let me see my reflection in the mirror. I had a tiara on top of my head, one that held a feather, an identical one I have been told to one Daisy will be wearing in a little while. The dress I wore stopped just above my feet but with a split up to my knee, I would find it easy to move, well as easy as it could be as I tried to walk with an oversized crutch.

When I was finally able to look in the mirror, I could not believe what I saw. I looked, I looked, I looked like I would not have looked out of place at one of my father's parties, no I looked too good to be at such an event as that.

When I emerged from the tent on Elena's arm, having left the crutch behind I was greeted to the sight of Christian who was waiting with Daisy. I could do nothing but giggle at that moment, at the stunned look on his face.

"Ana," he whispered, stepping forward to me and offering me his arm.

Smiling to Elena, I kissed her cheek before I took hold of Christian's arm and Daisy's trunk when she brought it towards me.

"Do I look alright?" I asked, making his steps falter for a moment.

"Ana, there is not an accurate word in existence to describe how beautiful you are. I understand what Leila was saying earlier about not changing what is already there. You are the most perfect, most exquisite, most…...see, I have no words."

"I love you" I laughed.

"I love you, Ana. Now come, we have quite a few excited people waiting for us in town I hear."

"I look forward to it… How is Bob" I asked.

"He will be fine, a little cold," the veterinarian said.

"I am glad he will be alright….Daisy, down" I spoke the command as Daisy lay down enough that I could climb onto her back.

"How, oh I am not even going to ask," Carrick said, obviously missing out on a few bits of my training with Daisy.

"Just go with it father" Christian laughed as I was soon on top of Daisy who was standing once again to her full height.

Like always, her trunk came up to me to which I deposited a few peanuts inside. They were quickly moved to her mouth before her trunk came up for more. Christian got Daisy's attention then as I patted her head telling her there were no more yet. When her trunk came up again, it was my turn to gasp at what she held.

I took the beautifully carved cane from her, trying to forbid the tears from coming to my eyes.

"You made this," I asked Christian quietly.

"Yes, I have seen you struggling a few times Ana, even with the crutch. I do not want to see you in any pain."

I looked carefully at it, seeing the daisies carved beautifully into the wood.

"I love it, and I love you, thank you."

"You are very welcome my love."

As the gates were open ahead of us, I could hear a cheer grow from the waiting crowd. I was not nervous, a little chilly maybe with the dress that I wore but as we started moving through the open gates the smiles on the children's faces, warmed me up.

I had heard Carrick ahead, his booming voice giving his welcome. Around us, as we started to walk through the streets, Daisy and I did not only have Christian with us but Elliot, who was walking on the other side. Around us was Jason, Merlin and Clifford along with some of the top dancers who showed everyone a little bit of what was to come if they came along to the show. I waved to everyone, so much so that my arm ached before long. It was worth it though, knowing I was helping this new family of mine in any way that I could.

I had gained quite a few male admirers along the way much to Christian's annoyance. Using the cane that I held tightly in my grasp, I tapped him on the shoulder before blowing him a kiss when he looked my way.

Seeing the smile I received Christian knew I was showing them all who my heart belonged to, just like his belonged to me.

As we finished the welcome, making our way back to the gates, the line to the ticket office was already long, everyone excited for the shows in the days ahead.

"We should have you out there Ana every welcome, look at that queue," Carrick said, pointing to all the excited people outside who were clambering for tickets.

"I am glad I could do something to help," I told him, sliding from Daisy's side to be caught by Christian.

"You were perfect Ana," Christian told me, placing a kiss to my lips.

"We make a good team," I said, kissing him back before a giggle left my lips when I felt Daisy looking for pockets and peanuts. "You will find no room for anything but me in this dress Daisy."

Christian gave her the peanuts he had, relinquishing Daisy to Luke as I stood being held by Christian while in one hand I held my new cane.

Having that freedom, to be able to support myself was to me, priceless. Seeing the smile on Christian's face as I kissed the tip of the cane, I knew him above all the others knew how much that independence meant to me.

…

With my job with Daisy done for the day and dinner over, the midway was about to open. I was trying out yet another job this evening. I was helping out on the souvenir stand, most of it tat Christian called it but once the gates were open, it sure was being bought up. There were soft elephants and lions, small hoops similar to the large ones the acrobats used and so many small items that either had the name of the circus on or one of the animals that were here. Everyone wanted something to remember their time here despite not even stepping inside the top yet. What they wanted they got and they were happy to pay for it.

"At this rate, we will be running out of stock," I told Amy who was helping out with me.

"Do not worry, we have a car full of this stock. If we run low, Carrick will be sure to have more delivered to our next stop" she laughed.

"You were in town today," a little girl said, gripping my hand. "You were on the wellyphant."

"Elephant, Carla, Elephant," her mother told her.

"That was me and I like wellyphant," I said, seeing the little girl and her mother smile. "You have a beautiful name, that is also my mothers."

"Does she ride a wellyphant too?" she asked me.

"Not yet but one day maybe I will get her to ride atop of Daisy."

"Daisy, that is the wellyphant's name," Carla said excitedly and just thinking her name made my heart ache for my mother.

I have no regrets in leaving, I just wish she had come along too.

….

"Did someone say something to you," Christian asked, his arm wrapped around me as we walked back towards the carriage saying good evening to those we passed in the back yard.

"No, nothing like that. It was just..."

"Just what Ana, speak to me please," he said, turning to stand in front of me and stopping us where we were.

"There was a little girl out there today, called Carla who was excited to see the Wellyphant. Hearing her name, it just made me miss my mother that is all."

"You regret coming," he asked.

"No," I told him, placing my finger to his lips. "No never. I belong here with you Christian, there is no other place for me than here by your side. We prepared for your arrival, spending as much time together as we could, knowing the day would come when I would leave with you. It is just sometimes I will turn to say something to her but she is not there. I miss my mother very much but I think it is the not knowing how she is doing that is making my heart ache to speak to her more. He is a cruel man, one I fear will not let my mother go so easily. Once I know she is alright and safe, I will feel better in myself and the distance apart may not feel so far."

"My mother sent your letter."

"She did, I will just have to wait for her reply."

"Your mother, just like you will not want to wait long to see how you are doing. I believe, I hope that when we arrive at our next stop, there will be a letter waiting for you."

"I hope so. Just as I longed to read your written words, I now long to read hers."

"Come, do not worry. From what you have told me of your aunt and her husband, if there was any trouble they will be sure to sort it out."

"That is true, especially my uncle. My father has had a few bloody noses from him."

"I suspect if your father tries to upset your mother in any way, he will be receiving a few more too."

Christian's words did put me at ease, especially when I thought of my uncle Tom and how much he hated my father. Now I felt a little lighter, my heart aching not so much I was happy to take a seat with Jason and Gail while Christian went to our room to retrieve his guitar.

Seeing him play, hearing his voice as he sang before others joined in, showed me how much Christian belonged here. As I laughed, joining in and making up my own words to songs I had never heard before, it confirmed how much I belonged here too.

**Thank you for reading, following and reviewing. **

**Some mentioned in the last chapter the lack of condoms. Despite them being invented around the time the story is based, I have no clue as to how readily available or how expensive they would have been then. Leading the life they lead, I think condoms would be the last thing on any of their minds. A child will be born but I don't see that child at the moment until the epilogue.**

**Until next time, take care.**

**Caroline. **


	12. Chapter 12

CPOV.

The crowd were cheering, their thunderous applause making it feel like the ground was shaking as I stood in the centre of the ring. I was dressed as the showman I always knew I would be one day, top hat on my head too.

Taking her own applause was Ana, smiling and waving to the crowd. Only moments before she had stood by my side before taking a seat in one of the hoops that our aerial artist use which was hung from the poles up above. She had been spun around by Daisy's trunk before but was now being pulled higher from the ground by our big girl. I could hear Ana's giggle as she moved through the air although I could feel her lips on my own now too which confused me for a moment because how could she kiss me when she was up there.

"If you continue wriggling about like that, I will think Daisy has put peanut shells in your side of the bed" I heard Ana say, as I opened my eyes to see her beautiful smile as she looked up to me from where she lay with her head on my chest.

We were in our bed, in our room and I could feel the sway of the carriage as the train moved. What had once felt so real only moments before I now know was but a dream.

"I am sorry my love, I was dreaming."

"Was it a good dream?" she asked me.

"Yes, a very beautiful one. You were at the centre so how could it not be."

"I am intrigued now, what was it about," Ana asked, moving up the bed so her head was by my shoulder, pulling the blankets close to her chest as she moved. Pulling them down again, wanting more than just the peek of her breasts that I had seen, Ana laughed giving me my wish as she did not cover herself again.

No one could see Ana in here and if my parents did come to our door, they would surely knock.

"We were both in the ring, finishing the show. You as always were with Daisy and I think I had Cora sat at my feet."

"Was she chewing your shoes" she laughed.

"I do not think so but if she was, it would not be the first time."

"I know. I took my boot off in there yesterday as I had a stone in it. I only turned my back for a second when I spoke to Luke and Cora had crept over, stealing it before she took it to her bed, falling fast asleep on top."

"You are a comfort to her, just like you are to the others. Your boot has your smell, your scent, and as I told you that was how Growler and Hera knew you straight away after a long time apart, Cora knows your scent too."

"I think I could have given her something better than a smelly boot."

"They are not picky" I laughed. "As long as it is yours and smells like you, they are happy with whatever you give."

"I might give Growler the other boot, as despite how I walk, one boot is of no use to me. He did seem a bit put out that Cora had a treat and he did not. I think Hera has two children to deal with in that pen sometimes, not one."

"I can agree with that."

We lay together for a long while, her fingers running through what hair I had on my chest. Placing a kiss above my heart, Ana let out a contented sigh.

"Happy," I asked.

"Incredibly so. I have to pinch myself sometimes when I think about how much my life has changed in such a short amount of time….What was it like, growing up as a child in the circus, being surrounded by this all your life."

"It is all I have ever known. Despite my parents having a real house of their own where they stop for winter, this circus, these people, this train, this room and now you, are my home. Whereas children out there may have a dog for a pet, I have lions and an elephant, not forgetting the camels. I have never been to a real school, my education was gained from those around me. I am not illiterate" I said, quickly, her finger stopping my words.

"I know that, I know how educated you are from the letters you wrote. You have had more life experiences than a normal child ever would have and unless you wanted to spend all day in an office" she said, laughing at the look of disgust on my face. "You will learn everything you need to know from those around you and the books that fill these shelves."

"You never went to a normal school either," I asked.

"No, never. I had a constant string of tutors, all who were dismissed the second they spoke to my father about me being too intelligent to be homeschooled and would benefit from a school environment. We were both taught in our homes, only you lived your education whereas mine was gained from just books."

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Of course, anything Christian, you know that."

"You told me in your letters and when we spoke about children you said that your thoughts and dreams were the only things that were your own, what did you dream about, what did you wish for when you were younger."

"Before I met you, I used to dream that the accident had never happened and I was just as accepted, just as included in my father's life as my sister was. I dreamt once that he told me he loved me, only for him to shake me awake that morning in his angry voice to tell me to get up as we had a doctors appointment to get too. It was the first time he had been in my room and to see him standing over me, terrified me. My mother was so angry with him as she had told him she would wake me but Katherine had demanded her attention and he was in too much of a rush to wait until she had finished dealing with her. I had fallen in my rush to get dressed, bruising my knee in the process. He was not impressed with Dr Flynn when he demanded to know how the bruise appeared and he could not give him a plausible answer. Dr Flynn was nice and treated me as a person, not a patient and he did not fear my father's temper when he did not receive the answers he sought."

"And after we met," I asked, trying to reign in my temper at that horrible man.

"My dreams were of you, always. I felt like I have dreamt a million of them over the years since we met. You gave me something to focus on, even when I did not know if I would ever see you again."

"I would have always come back Ana no matter how much time it took."

"I am glad you did. I do not want my life to be in any other place than here with you."

I made love to Ana that morning, our bodies moving gently with the sway of the train. We would be arriving in Olympia sometime today but for now, I savoured these quiet moments we shared together before the madness started again.

….

"Right, come on, you scraggly bunch" Ana called out as she led the Cats from the train.

I laughed, there was nothing else to do but laugh when Cora in between her parents walked down the ramp of the train and into the tent. It was not Ana leading them that had made me laugh, it was the boots, one in Cora's mouth, the other tightly in Growlers as they followed Ana at her pace into the menagerie and safely into the pen.

"I hope she has a spare pair," my mother said, giggling at how happy Ana was.

"She does now. Mille, Merlin's wife gave her a pair of boots a size bigger than those. She says they are very comfortable and do not pinch her toes."

We watched Ana leave the menagerie and climb the steps of the train. She is alright going down the ramps but tells me she does not have enough puff to go back up. She was soon coming back down with Daisy this time, her trunk resting on Ana's shoulder.

"She was born to be here," my mother told me, making me smile.

"She was, very much so," I agreed, turning to face my mother. "Could you see, today if there is any mail for Ana from her mother."

"Of course son, I will go in a moment. I am unsure of the time but with it still being light, I suspect the office will still be open."

"Thank you."

"You have nothing to thank me for, it is wonderful to see you so happy," she said, resting her hand on my cheek before she left me to find Elena who was heading into town also.

"Um, Christian did you know we have a stowaway," Ana asked, standing in the third animal car, one where the horses and camels lived.

"I did," I told Ana, climbing the ramp to join her before she pointed to the horse furthest in the corner. "With your mother gone, and you coming with me, my father did not know what to do with him so brought him along. Luke was looking after him at our last stop as he was a bit spooked by the larger animals…. When you and your mother rode him, you seemed comfortable with him."

"I am," she told me with a smile. "His name is Silver and he was the horse I was getting closer to, chasing my fear of them away. With him here though, that would have left my father to walk back to the house" she spoke and I could hear the amusement in her voice.

"Yes, it is a beautiful walk although I bet he looked very distinguished covered in dirt with blood pouring from his nose."

Her giggle was a beautiful sound and what was beautiful to watch was the way she dealt with Silver, taking him from the car and down to join the others which Luke had just taken. She agreed Luke would look after Silver from now on, putting him to work if he could train him or if not, he would be found something else to do around here. If Ana wanted to keep Silver just for herself, then that was fine too.

….

My mother found us in the cookhouse, sitting down for dinner. She was laden down with parcels which my father took from her, all except for one and a letter.

"For you, my dear," she said, smiling to Ana as she placed them down in front of her.

Ana carefully opened the letter first, before her tears started to fall reading her mother's words. Three pages there were to read, each one she passed onto me to read also once she was done. Her mother was alright, finally living a life she deserved to live. The divorce proceeding had been started and what had also been started and finished was the gift that Ana was opening now.

It was a beautiful woollen shawl which she pulled around her shoulders before taking a long sniff of her mother's scent. When her tears stopped, Ana looked up to me and with a hoarse voice, she started to speak.

"My mother loved to do things with her hands, whether painting or making items such as this. He refused to allow her to work and once he realised how much her favourite pastimes were taking attention away from him, he made it unbearable for her to continue anything enjoyable. My mother is finally able to do what she wants when she wants to do it and she has no bully looking over her shoulder stopping her. She said in her letter that Katherine is refusing to see her after the embarrassment that was caused to my father. Although it makes me sad to think of my mother in any pain whatsoever, I believe time away from my sister and her vile tongue will be best for my mother in the long run. She loves us both but on more than one occasion my mother has told me she did not like who my sister had become."

"Your mother cannot change your sister Ana, only she can realise what a true brat she has become. Under your father's influence though, I do not believe that she will change any time soon."

"I know, I have a mother, one who has loved and cared for me since the day I was born. Despite being related to my father and sister by blood, they have never really been a family to me. I was a source of their amusement, someone they could laugh at just to make themselves feel better. No more. I know who my true family are, most of who are here."

"You will always have a home with us here Ana," my mother told her, squeezing Ana's hand from her place opposite us.

"I know, and I am very grateful for that."

…

My father and I met the next morning, going over who and what would be in the show that evening. Andrea had been unwell, catching a cold on our way here so for tonight she and Samuel would take a break and Jose and Ariana would take the trapeze. Not everyone worked, every night, so we were lucky that we could move things around.

"Do you think Ana would be up for doing the welcome again."

"I do not see why not. She really enjoyed it last time and I believe gained quite a few admirers especially with the children."

"I am surprised you let her out of your sight then" he laughed, knowing how protective I am of Ana.

"She is beautiful and despite how much I would like to keep her just with me, she has been hidden away for too long. Ana loves being able to interact with everyone, whether that is our circus family or guests. She takes everything at her own pace and if someone ever dared to be rude to her, there are many around that would put them in their place."

"We would certainly do that. Ana is one of us now, a part of our family. We always protect our family, no matter who it is from."

"I am glad you feel like that as after our final show this year in Seattle, I plan to ask Ana to marry me."

"Really," he said, with a smile.

"Yes. There was a small letter for me from Carla that mother gave to me, giving me her blessing to ask Ana to marry me."

"When did you ask her."

"I wrote to her as soon as I could after we left. I had planned to ask Carla before we left Montesano but there was no opportunity for that."

"Do you think we have seen the last of Raymond Steele?" he asked me as we left the carriage.

"I would like to say yes but I believe if an opportunity arose that we found ourselves in the same town, he would do all he could to cause trouble. There is just something..." I said, trailing off with my thoughts.

"What..."

"He hid Ana away for years, locking her away in that house until she was seen with Daisy in our circus which brought her to the attention of others. He obviously did not want to acknowledge her existence until he was forced too, no longer being able to keep her in the shadows. If he hated her so much, wanted her gone from his sight then why when she was to leave with us did he put up a fight. She was a problem to him, one that would be gone just by her getting on that train. Did he want her there just to torment her some more, him and that evil sister of hers or did he want her there for some other reason."

"I would think a man who had made such a mistake of betraying his daughter, putting her in danger would try and do anything to make amends for his misdeeds. He did not seem the type to make amends with anyone, not his wife and especially his daughter who he should have loved and protected above all others. If there ever comes a time when we are near to that town again, I will have everyone on guard, I would even suggest you have Growler sleep in your room."

"I thought I was not allowed pets in my room," I said, making him smile.

"For Ana, we would make an exception."

Entering the big top, I was eager to see Ana, see that she was alright after speaking about that man. Seeing her though, my steps faltered as what I saw before me, I had only seen once before, this morning in my dream.

Ana was with Samuel, Jose and Ariana while Andrea sat off to one side. It looked like they had been all practising, not knowing who would be up tonight. Seeing the relief on Andrea's pale face when I told her they would be taking a break, I knew then how sick she must have felt.

So as not to disturb them, father and I moved over to my mother who had been watching them.

"The more I watch Ana and Daisy together, the more I know they could become as popular as you and the cats are Christian. Daisy does not interact with anyone except you and her and I do not even think you have been able to do things as Ana does with only a few words."

"Ana has a kind heart. Like with us, Daisy settles around her, letting her playful side out."

"It is not only playful," my mother added.

"What do you mean," I asked her.

"She is protective of Ana as well. Clifford and the other clowns were moving some of their pieces out of the ring as Ana brought Daisy in. There was a loud bang as some of the wood fell, that elephant moved in front of Ana as if to protect her."

"Was Ana asked to bring her in?" my father asked as the aerialist and the animals are two separate acts, Samuel usually steering clear of them, especially the cats.

"No, she was with her in the menagerie and I called Ana over and in turn, Daisy followed as I wanted to ask if she had any mail for me to send as I am heading into town soon. Seeing Ana with the cats also, I think in the future she could command them in the ring."

"Tell me about it. Growler especially has a soft spot for Ana."

"She has become one of his girls" my father laughed, especially at my groan.

"I never thought I would have to fight for Ana's affections especially from a large gummy cat."

Our attention turned to Ana as her giggle rang out throughout the top. Jose had pulled on one of the ropes, lifting the hoop Ana was sat in high above the floor. She had her hands in two loops of rope attached to the hoop, holding on but there was no fear from my girl up there. Daisy, never one to miss out on the fun had taken hold of another rope that was below the hoop and was slowly walking around the ring, taking Ana with her. Seeing this happen before me was so much better than my dream.

"Are you having fun?" I asked, approaching them when Ana was lowered back down, having been away from her for too long.

"Yes," she giggled. "I apologise if I am holding you all up," she said to Jose and Ariana.

"Do not apologise, it was Jose who lifted you up" Ariana laughed.

"It was fun, I have never been on a swing before. Daisy as always had other ideas of me sitting still."

"Would you and Daisy, do something in the show?" My mother asked Ana, stunning her into silence.

"Um…. I do not know… tonight?"

"No, my child. Do not worry, I would never do that to you. I am speaking about in the future, maybe when we start again in the new year."

"Alright," Ana said quietly, talking in a deep breath. Her eyes were on mine and I gave her a smile reassuring her that if at any point she was in the ring in the future, if she needed me, I would be there.

Ana got out of the hoop, taking her cane from Ariana and my arm too.

We walked back to the menagerie the way Ana would have come in, accessed through the side of the top, placing Daisy back in her pen. After giving the others some attention, Ana and I headed for the end of breakfast.

"What has you deep in thought," Ana asked, as I took a seat by her side.

"Nothing my love."

"Christian," she groaned, making me smile. I cannot keep anything from her and despite wanting to hide my thoughts, this is something that I needed to share.

"Eat your breakfast then there is something I want to speak to you about."

I could see the worry now on her face, hating the fact that I put it there. I just had this nagging feeling inside though that would not go away.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" she asked as we left the circus ground behind, walking along the side of what would have once been a gentle stream but with the rains that had visited recently now resembled a river.

"Did you give my mother your letter."

"Yes, you know I did, you were there. What is it" she asked, standing in front of me so we could move no further, her hands coming up to my cheeks.

"Why did he hide you away," I asked, speaking more to myself than Ana. She answered me though and I could feel the pain in her voice. Pain because I had brought that man up again.

"I was an embarrassment to him, I was not perfect" she spoke, putting her finger to my lips and silencing my protest. "I am perfect to you Christian, my mother and everyone here too. To him, I was a constant reminder of what a failure he was."

"If he wanted you out of his sight so much then why put up a protest when you wanted to leave. Why not just let you go."

"Maybe I had not suffered enough, he and Katherine did take pleasure in making me miserable. Maybe keeping me around and tormenting me, made them feel better."

"That is not fair Ana, none of the ways he treated you was fair."

Walking back towards our carriage, we both vowed never to speak of him again.

Life works in cruel ways though, especially when we found out just how evil that man could be with the arrival of a visitor once we reached our final stop of the year, Seattle.

**Thank you for reading. **

**I have started the next chapter but with a busy few days ahead of me, it** **could be Monday, before the chapter is up. If it is finished before then, I will post it as soon as I can.**

**Until then, take care.**

**Caroline.**


	13. Chapter 13

APOV

The air was cold, frost on the ground but it did not stop everyone heading into the cookhouse tent for breakfast on what will be the first day of our final shows of the year.

It had been warm in our carriage this morning so much so that I had not wanted to leave but animals needed to be fed and so did we.

As Christian and I walked slowly towards the tent, wrapped up in our coats, we spoke to those we met on the way in. That is what I loved about this circus, this family, we are all individual, all different but none is treated better than another. I will miss them all when they go to their own homes for Christmas although I am excited to see those who will be joining us.

My mother, my aunt and uncle too, all who will be arriving in just a few days for our final show here. From there we will be heading to Grace and Carrick's where we will spend Christmas together.

"Are you alright Ana" Christian asked, laughing at the fact that I was practically bouncing in my excitement to see my mother again.

"I am just excited, that is all."

"And you have every right to be Ana. I am sure your mother is just as excited to see you too."

Entering the cookhouse, we headed towards where Grace was sat with Elena, both laughing at what, I did not know.

"What is so funny," Christian asked, waiting until I was seated before taking his own seat.

"Bell arrived this morning. She was on her way to see the girls when Elliot scooped her up and ran around the midway with her. I am surprised you did not hear her squeal" Grace told us.

We may have if we had not been in the throws of passion, our only focus being the other, before rising to see to the animals.

"Well, it is cold enough to freeze my nu ….."

"Do not finish that sentence" Grace told Elliot as he entered the tent making me laugh. I did notice he was not alone as they both made their way over to us.

"Ana, I would like to introduce you to Bell. Bell, this is Ana our new elephant expert, lion tamer and the one responsible for putting a smile on Christian's face."

"It is lovely to meet you Bell," I said, laughing when Christian told his friend that he himself had a smile similar to Christian's at that moment.

"You too Ana. It is nice to finally meet you having heard about you often over the years."

"Five years is a long time to wait for a train" Elliot added.

"It was worth the wait," I told him, smiling at Christian.

We were joined then by Susie and Leila, the noise level rising considerably as they all spoke excitedly about what they had been doing in the time Bell had been away. Despite not knowing any of them at that time, I was always including in the conversation.

Bell was lovely and seeing Elliot's reaction to every word she spoke made me smile. I saw that look every time Christian looked at me and I hoped it would not be too long until she let the playful clown in.

Once breakfast was finished with, Christian and I headed towards the top, picking Daisy up on the way. He had been working with Cora, trying and very funnily failing at the moment to get her to do anything except climb onto her fathers back. Today though it was Daisy and myself who would be doing the work.

"You know I dreamed of this," Christian told me, as he helped me sit in the hoop.

"Dreamed of Daisy and me."

"Yes," he smiled, stepping back as I instructed Daisy to take hold of the rope. As she started to walk, I was lifted into the air.

"Oh my" I laughed as I was soon higher than I had been before.

I knew I was safe as Jose had

attached something onto the rope that should Daisy let go, I would not plunge to the floor. What is was, I did not know, I was only happy that it was there.

I did not need to worry though as Daisy did not release the rope until my feet touched the ground once again.

We continued to practice, trying between ourselves to make a full act that did not just have me going up and down. Upon leaving the rope to Christian I was able to instruct Daisy to spin the hoop I was sat in and when Christian pulled the rope at that moment, it looked like it was Daisy who had sent me flying through the air to the roof up above. I am sure the whole circus ground could hear my laughter, hear Christian's too far below me. As he lowered me down there was one final thing I wanted to try. Having Daisy stop below me, I was then able to land on her back which gained applause not only from Christian but the audience who had come to watch.

"When you are ready Ana, I would like you and Daisy to repeat that in the top when it is full of guests," Carrick told me, excitement filling his voice.

"What do you say, Daisy, you and me," I asked, her trumpet sounding before her search for peanuts began. She found them in the hand of Christian, who then handed my cane to me. I needed it on the ground but up there, I was free to move my legs as I wished with no worries that I would ever stumble. "How would I get in and out of the hoop," I asked them all as I slid down Daisy's side into Christian's waiting arms.

"That is up to you Ana," he told me.

"I will walk then," I replied, receiving a beaming smile from him.

There was still a lot of work to do to make an act that did not just mean me flying around the ring. It was a start though and I know Christian would help me work on it from here.

...

Our week here had past quickly, thankfully and today I would see my mother again. I wore the shawl she had sent to me, wrapping it around me tightly at breakfast as it was cold this morning again.

"OUR FINAL DAY OF THE SEASON HAS ARRIVED AND THEN IT IS TIME TO GET RID OF YOU PEASANTS, I MEAN SAY GOODBYE TO YOU ALL UNTIL THE NEW YEAR" Carrick called out to all that were assembled.

I had learned one little detail about our ringmaster, and that was he loved to give a speech. I also know that during these speeches, it had become customary for someone to interrupt him and today Elena was taking her turn.

"PEASANTS, SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. YOU TURNED BEING A VAGABOND INTO A CAREER," Elena replied.

"AND AREN'T YOU ALL GLAD THAT WE DID," He said, making her laugh as cheers went up all around us.

Elena and the girls I will miss especially, all who had taken me under their wing. I was one of the girls and despite my foot and with a lot of support, they had even tried to teach me a few of the dance moves some of them do, fully clothed of course. Only Christian would ever see my body and thinking of just this morning in our room made me sigh.

He had worshipped my body, kissed everywhere he could. When he had kissed my foot, which was clean thankfully after my bath, a few tears were shed.

I have to pinch myself sometimes just to know that this life is real and I get to keep the man who has just placed a kiss to my forehead, forever.

We listened as Carrick continued his speech, breaking out into bouts of laughter most of the time. His speech was silenced though when we heard a whistle from outside, one that had everyone on alert.

"Ladies, stay here please," Carrick said, as he and Christian immediately stood.

"Ana, please stay with my mother and the girls" Christian told me, placing a kiss to my lips.

"But, but" I stuttered, not knowing what was going on.

I felt an arm come around my shoulder then as Christian told me he would be back soon before he left with his father.

"It will be alright child," Elena told me, pulling me closer to her.

"What is going on."

"The whistle. Someone at the front gate has set off the whistle, meaning some trouble is there. Some places there are always those who do not want us here and like to make trouble for us. Do not worry, they will be back soon and Carrick can continue to bore us with his speech."

"We have had such a lovely time here, why would someone protest about us now."

"I do not know. Do not worry about it, I am sure the men will be back soon," Grace told me, squeezing my hand.

I knew they were trying to calm me but I also knew they were all on alert. The men who had not gone with Christian and Carrick were stationed about the cookhouse and throughout the circus no doubt making sure everything was alright.

I heard Carrick's voice first, although he was too far away for me to hear what he was saying.

I did make out Christian's words though before he appeared through the gap in the tent.

"If she does not know you, we will send you on your way."

"She will, do not worry," a voice said, one I knew well.

As the men joined us, a smile came onto my face, which caused all those around me relax.

"Dr Flynn, you are a little far from home," I said, standing now to greet the arrival.

"I am but my journey was necessary. It is lovely to see you, Ana, I just wish it was under different circumstances."

"You obviously know each other" Leila said, sitting down now, leaving her post which I think with the others, was guarding me.

"Yes, Dr Flynn has been my doctor since I was little, especially since my accident."

"That is what I would like to talk to you about Ana. Is there someplace private where we could speak."

I looked to Grace who rolled her eyes that I would even ask if I could use the carriage, before she nodded to me.

Taking Christian's hand in mine, he was another who sighed, as if I would leave him behind.

"Grace, Carrick would you like to join us also," I asked.

This was their circus and I know if Dr Flynn was here it was not for something good. Knowing it was probably something to do with my father, they would all need to know about it.

We all walked back to the carriage in silence, wrapping ourselves up once again to keep out the cold. Once inside the carriage, we all took a seat.

"Can I get you anything?" Grace asked Dr Flynn.

"No, thank you, ma'am. I am fine" he replied before turning to me. "Ana, I apologise if my questions cause you any discomfort but I need to ask, do you remember the Colliers."

"Colliers, no I do not."

"They were a family, are a family and a long time ago they ran a riding school."

"They ran the one where I fell," I said, more to myself than the others.

"Yes, they did. We all know that your accident happened due to you falling from a horse, one that then trampled on your foot. Originally you were due to have Mrs Collier as your tutor but she was unwell. So while Mr Collier taught your sister."

"I was left with him."

"Yes. What you obviously did not know and has only come to light to myself in recent days is the fact that your father called in his lawyer and filed a suit against the Colliers for putting your life in danger."

"He did not," I said, aghast.

"He did and your father won the case."

"How could he do such a thing. He was the one at fault, not them."

"I know that Ana. For him to win though, he must have shown evidence of your injury and convinced the judge that he was not at fault but them." Dr Flynn said.

"Were you ever in a courtroom Ana?" Carrick asked me.

"I do not think so, not that I can remember anyway."

"Did he ever take you away from home without your mother's knowledge?" Christian asked me.

"He took me away," I said, my words but a whisper. "It was before my sixth birthday. I remember speaking to my mother before bed about what I wanted to do for my birthday, only to be woken early in the morning by her. She was distressed, angry even and I could tell from her face she had been crying. Once breakfast was over he put me in the carriage. My mother pleaded with him to let her come with me as she knew how scared I would be. He told her that her place was there looking after my sister. I was crying for my mother who told me to be brave, screaming for her as the carriage pulled away from the house, leaving her behind. My father told me in his brusque voice once my screams had turned to quiet sobs that we were going on a journey into a big city where I would speak to someone professional about my foot. I asked for my mother again, terrified as I had never been away overnight from home before, apart from the hospital and I just wanted to go home. I spoke to a man as best as I could, one who hurt my foot as he moved it this way and that. I was so distressed that I do not think he understood a word that I said. By the time we got home, I clung to my mother who did not let me out of her sight for a long time after that."

"The Colliers lost their business but also their home that day. Both were sold to pay for the damages that had been awarded to you. The judge, knowing that until you were of age, you would be looked after by your parents, had the money put in trust until you were eighteen for any future care you would need" Dr Flynn told me.

"How do you know about this" Christian asked as I was too stunned to speak, too shocked as I brushed the tears away that that man could be so cruel.

"Raymond Steele came to me a few days ago, asking me to sign some papers."

"What papers," I asked, my voice hoarse as Christian wrapped his arm around me.

"These" he spoke, pulling papers from his briefcase. "I should have realised with all the times he made an appointment for you, his anger when he did not receive the answers he sought. He did not seek a miracle cure for you with his visits, he was seeking my professional opinion that you were unable to look after yourself. These papers if I were to sign them would state that despite you now being of age, you are in no fit state to look after yourself, you are not in the right mind to make conscious decisions for yourself so the money would be released to him for your future care. When I refused to sign these papers he stormed from my office in anger, leaving these behind, breaking the window in the door behind him. He did try to return later that day to retrieve them but my door was locked and has remained so ever since."

"That man was trying to steal money from his own daughter," Grace said angrily.

"I believe so. Amongst the papers he wanted me to sign was this letter from a bank in Olympia which shows details of an account which has been set up, an account in your name Ana." Dr Flynn replied, holding up the letter which he then handed over to Carrick with the other papers.

"That money is not mine, it belongs to the Colliers," I said, finding my voice.

"I agree Ana," he replied. "I always feared for you being in that house so when I heard you had left and your mother also, I felt nothing but joy for you both. I feel fear once again though."

"Signing those papers would have given him everything without anyone ever needing to see evidence of his lies. Before my circus adventure with Daisy, he could have even passed Katherine off as me to claim the money once I was of age as no one in that town besides you Dr Flynn and the staff at the house had ever seen me before. What would have happened to me then, when my usefulness was over. He never hid his contempt for me so would I still be alive" I asked the question more to myself than those in the room. Christian's hand tightening around mine made me look to him. "You yourself picked up on the fact of why did he still want to keep me there, keep me hidden when me leaving would have solved what we thought was his problem and had me gone from his sight. Besides signed papers, his number of other options at getting his hands on that money has now slimmed to one. I claim the money. If we had not met or I had not left with you, he would have forced me to do just that, before coming to harm at his hands when he received what he wanted. Mother would look for me but if he could convince a judge that he was innocent of my injury, what other lies could he tell."

"We would have both looked for you Ana and just like me, your mother would not have believed his lies," Christian said, his fingers brushing my cheek.

"No she would not but then she would be in danger too."

I felt panic fill me, needing to see my mother now. I know that in a matter of hours she will be here but those hours were too long.

"What do we do," Christian asked the others in the room, his eyes were on me though, holding me close.

"Your father wants that money and we all know that the only way to stop him is for you to claim it yourself, so that is what you need to do. I know Ana" Carrick said, knowing I would not want a penny of it. "If you have it, if it is given back to the rightful owner then he can do nothing about it. We cannot go back to the courts and claim that it should not have been given in the first place, too much time has passed. Forward is the way to go. We head to Olympia to make this claim and deal with the money after that" he spoke although I detected a sigh and I was not the only one.

"What are you not saying Carrick," Grace asked him.

"I mean no disrespect Ana but unwed women are usually in the care of their father until they are married, even pathetic fathers like him. Despite you now being of age, he could still make trouble, claim that he speaks and makes decisions for you. With your injury, it would not take much to convince someone of that fact especially if you both ended up before a judge. All judges are male and old fashioned, I have no doubt that he would more likely win the case than you."

"He is speaking the truth" Dr Flynn stated. "I believe he came to me as a last resort, although I suspect it has been part of his back up plan all along. He was speaking about your mother, how she had taken all your papers especially the ones that state your birth, your fathers name with her when she left. I am unsure if he has tried to contact her, or he just came to me."

"If the only way to stop him is to claim the money myself but you are stating that by doing so I could be refused anyway or end up before a judge who could also demand that I return home being unwed, then what other options are there. Either way, he wins" I spoke, panic filling my chest as if it was squeezing the breath out of me. They could not separate me from Christian, I would rather die.

I did not want that money, I did not want to see him also. I could feel Christian's hold on me tighten, his words of love grounding me enough so that I did eventually calm.

"Ana, please come with me," Christian said, rising from his seat before offering me his hand. "Please excuse us" he spoke to the others.

No one said a word as he led me to our room. I did not say a word as he lifted me, laying me on our bed before he lay down beside me, pulling me into his arms.

"I am scared" I admitted quietly.

"That man will not come near you Ana, none of us would allow that. I will never let him take you away from me."

"My mother, she is in danger too."

"Just like you have support surrounding you, so does she. She fought for years against him to keep you safe, standing up to him all the way. She will not be bullied now."

"I know," I said, knowing what he said to be true. I do not know how many times my mother has gone up against him and despite him being the so-called man of the house, he has backed down each time.

Was he biding his time, what other things was he keeping from us. I know for a fact if my mother had known about his dealings with the Colliers, she would have put a stop to this madness long ago.

We lay in silence for a long while, holding each other close. I did not know I had fallen asleep until I awoke darkness all around us now.

"My mother," I asked, sitting quickly up in bed.

"She must not be here yet. Despite it being dark already, it may still be early. Please do not panic, you have a lot to speak about and will have plenty of time to do so. There is something that I would like to speak to you about, something I think the men were hinting about outside."

"What," I asked, settling my head against his chest.

"Marriage."

I lifted my head up for a second, looking into his eyes. I saw pain there and that in itself made my heart skip a beat.

"What is it," I asked.

"As my dad was saying earlier, in this time, in their world, not ours, a woman, a female does not have the same rights as a man. A woman despite her age is in the care of her father until such a time that she should wed. Only marriage, moving the power to make decisions for you from your father to your….husband would solve the problem I believe. The way we live is so different to them, here marriage is a partnership, equals not ownership. A woman, a wife despite a certificate saying that she should obey has every right to and with my mother, has done so on more than one occasion, tell her husband that his dinner is in the cat's pen if he should annoy her."

His words despite being serious also did bring a smile to my face. The only problem was despite Christian being the man I loved and the man I wanted to spend my forever with, he was not my husband.

"You do not want marriage," I asked, shocking him I think with my words.

"Why would you ever think that."

"It was just the way you spoke about a husband as if it would be any man but you."

"I apologise, Ana, marrying you would make me the happiest man in the world. I had just hoped that when I did ask you that it would be under different circumstances, better, more happier times."

"You want to marry me," I asked quietly.

"More than anything Ana. I knew as we stood on that road together that you were then and would always be the only one for me. We are young but that does not mean we do not know what we want, what we or the other one needs. Getting back to you had been my focus for so long and I will never let you go. I will ask you soon a question I hope to receive an answer to, that answer hopefully being yes."

He need not worry about that and I was about to tell him that when we were interrupted by a knock on the door, my mother's voice filtering through from the other side.

I was up so fast from the bed, I startled not only myself but Christian as well. When I opened the door and was engulfed in my mother's arms and her love, I heard Christian's laughter behind me.

"Look at you, look at you" my mother sobbed, seeing the smile filling my face.

"I have missed you."

"Oh...So have I my sweet girl."

I held my mother as tightly as I could, feeling her body shake with the sobs of our reunion just like mine.

Being in Christian's arms had become my favourite place to be and just like his arms, my mothers were also home.

"Are you alone?" I asked her, once she had said hello to Christian and had released him from one of her motherly hugs.

"No, your aunt and uncle are speaking with Dr Flynn. He has been filling us in on that bastards actions."

"Mother," I said, shocked at the word she had used. I also giggled too, knowing she was free to say whatever she wanted to now.

"It is a right word for him as that is what he was, born out of wedlock. He has no right to criticise others for their start in life, for the way they live."

"My grandparents were married" I stated, trying to remember what little I could of them.

"They were, then. Your grandfather was a soldier, leaving your grandmother at home when they were only courting. They had obviously shared a night together because when he returned your father had already been born and despite being forced into marriage by their parents initially because of your fathers birth, it had been their plan anyway as they were in love, so it was never spoken about again. I found out about it years after we were married, after your grandmother had passed away when I was helping pack away some of her things. Your father was furious of course, demanding that I never speak a word of what I had found. Now I want to shout it from the chimney pots, anything to hurt that man the way he has hurt you."

"And you."

"I have a thick skin, Ana. His words, his actions do not hurt me unless the pain is aimed at you."

We moved into the main part of the carriage where my aunt and uncle were sitting with Dr Flynn talking about that man on the way.

"My father had money, has money so why is any money he would gain from my accident of such importance to him," I asked her but it was my uncle who answered while my aunt stood to give me a hug.

"I have heard rumours over the years about the money he has invested, businesses that he has started that have not done well. Like me, he gained part of your grandfather's company through marriage and like me he was unable to do anything to that part that would be detrimental to its success. The company was really for your mother and aunt and we were custodians of it, making sure it did well. Your father not content with the money it earned, never happy that he was not in complete control saw him create his own company that has not done well. That is why he was so happy when your sister married as it would give him a little stability to his own company. Gaining the money that was given to you would give him his biggest payday of all. I suspect he needs that money to stay afloat."

"Your father lived beyond his means, to what extent I am only learning now," my mother told me.

"You have money," I asked my mother who smiled at me.

"Yes, I have more money than I could ever need, you do too."

"What do you mean," I asked.

"Your grandparents left me money just like your aunt, giving us a way out of our marriages if we should need it."

"Nice" Tom snorted.

"Oh shush" Susan laughed before she turned to Christian. "Before they all continue speaking about money, It is lovely to meet you, Christian, I am your Aunt Susan."

"I am very happy to meet you, Aunt Susan," he told her, receiving a hug too.

I giggled, a smile coming to my face now at how two very different families had come together as one, all because of the man by my side and me.

"That money my parents left was for my escape, never Susan's," my mother told Tom, smiling too. My aunt and uncles marriage was solid, one built on love no matter how much teasing goes on between them. My grandfather would never have given one without the other though. "There is also money in accounts for you and your sister that was revealed to me when I recently visited the bank."

"Money, how much," I asked, never even holding money before I came here.

"More than you would ever need."

...

As I sat with my family while we watched the circus, Growler once again lay at my feet. I knew this was how a real family behaved, how a real family should be, loving, happy and so protective of those that they love.

When the circus had ended and it was just that family around, Christian took my hand, leading me into the middle of the ring. While everyone looked on both human and animal, he got down on one knee asking the one question that once upon a time I thought I would never hear.

"Yes" was my answer, one that was repeated over and over although you would not hear it over the deafening cheers. Christian heard it though as he placed the beautiful ring on my finger before rising to his feet where his lips met mine.

This is where I want to be, this is where I belong and despite what my father might plan or scheme, he has a fight ahead of him that he will not win because he will never take me away from here.

**Thank you for reading, following and reviewing. **

**We are home for Christmas in the next chapter, a lot of wedding planning too.**

**Until then, take care.**

**Caroline**


	14. Chapter 14

CPOV

There was none of the usual exuberance that a final morning had as the top was pulled down and packed away. Everyone was quiet, alert after having been told this morning at breakfast of the danger Raymond Steele was putting Ana in.

Some wanted to go looking for him, Jason, Samuel, Jose and Elliot especially, all who had grown close to my girl in the few months that Ana had been with us. No one would let that man near to Ana, especially her girls.

Ana was with them now as I finished feeding the animals, getting ready to put them on the train. Even the animals had picked up on the mood around them, especially Hera who was circling her pen looking for trouble.

When Carla entered, Hera immediately turned to her but there was no growl like there had been once before. They knew who this woman was, both mothers who would protect their young no matter the cost.

"They are such beautiful animals, Christian, fierce but gentle" she spoke, letting Hera sniff her hand before she allowed Carla to place it onto her head.

"They are to those who they class as their own. Just as they know your scent now, they will also have picked up on your relationship to Ana and as she has no fear of you, neither should they."

Carla laughed when Cora came over, wanting to be petted too. Growler, he was guarding his boot at the moment as if he was guarding Ana too.

"You have a magnificent petting zoo" she laughed, hearing Daisy who wanted some attention as well.

"Yes, the problem is that we only have two hands so they cannot all be petted at the same time."

Carla left the cats behind as Cora wrapped her mouth around my arm, careful so as not to bite down hard. I rubbed my other hand through her mane as I watched Carla with Daisy.

Peanuts, that big girl was searching for peanuts the second Carla came close. Telling Carla where they were kept, she was able to give her a handful before Daisy's trunk was back for more.

Realising that there were no more, Daisy as she had only done with Ana before, wrapped her trunk around Carla gently, lifting her from the floor.

Her laughter rang out which was soon joined by Ana and Susan's as they joined us in the tent.

"It seems I am not the only one who she does that to," Ana said with a beaming smile on her face. "This brings back memories of our first stop after I left."

"What, your mother in the air," Carla asked as Daisy gently put her down again.

"Yes, actually. When I was working in the midway on the gift stall."

"Tat stall," I said, making her laugh.

"Those toy elephants are not tat. I just might like one for myself," she told me.

"You have a real one" I teased.

"Yes, but she is a little too big to sit on the end of our bed."

I laughed, making a mental note to get her one of the elephants from the tat car, the biggest one that I can find.

"As I was saying" Ana giggled as I wrapped my arm around her waist, laughing myself as she poked me in the stomach. "While I was working the _gift _stall, I met a little girl who had seen me riding Daisy that morning during the welcome. Her name was Carla and she made me instantly think of you" she told her mother. "I told Carla that was my mother's name and she asked if you rode the elephant too. Now I can say that you have, partially anyway. Wait until Daisy lifts you so high that she sits you on her back."

"I look forward to it" Carla replied.

"Your father told me to tell you, they are ready to move the animals," Ana told me as I placed a kiss upon her forehead.

"They are ready. Did you say goodbye to the girls."

"I did. When we decide on a date for our wedding, I would like them all to be there. Besides attending as guests, they are also making my wedding dress."

"I am sure it will be beautiful Ana. We can speak more about our wedding plans once we are underway. Let's get these animals safely on the train and then we can go too."

Smiling, she placed a kiss to my lips before she called out the cats names, immediately gaining their attention.

I stood with Carla and Susan while Ana led the cats passed us, directing them to the ramp up to their car. Taking Daisy with me, she was soon on board too.

It did not take long to have the animals put away, Silver being the last to board who had come over to Carla upon seeing her there. She came to the same conclusion we did that Raymond had to walk back home in the state that he was in. That brought much-needed laugher so when the train started to move, leaving most of our family behind to start their own journeys to their homes, there were smiles on their faces, albeit nervous ones.

It was only a short train ride from Seattle to our home in Bellevue. That did not stop an in-depth discussion about our wedding though.

My father suggested sooner was better than later with regards to stopping Raymond Steele in his tracks. I wanted to give Ana everything she would ever need, especially with our wedding. The more I heard Ana speak though, the more I know she likes things, quiet and simple just like me.

A wedding at home was decided on while we were there over winter. Once we had some time alone we would then head back to Olympia where we will be visiting the bank. We would not be alone as Carla and Tom would be coming with us, Dr Flynn we had asked to come too, should he be needed.

He had left last night, heading to meet up with his own family where he would spend Christmas. We did offer him a ride if he wanted to stay until morning as we passed close to the town where he was going but he declined, keen to get back to his wife and children again. With him now being a person Raymond would deem able to stop his plan, I can completely understand his need to see for himself that they are safe.

"John Flynn told me last night that he had visited a friend at the police station in Montesano, informing him of what had been going on. He told him that unless Steele did something to hurt Ana there was nothing he could do. The case into her accident had already been closed and as she was unwed, he could still step forward and claim he speaks for her," my father told me quietly as I watched Ana speaking to her mother, mine and Susan about the little details for our wedding day.

"He will not get the chance to touch her, I will kill him first," I said, turning to the man who had had my back ever since I was placed into his arms.

"I will help you bury the body Son," he replied, making me smile, especially when Tom added that he was in on it too.

When the train came to a standstill, the whistle blowing to signal we were home, I could feel the excitement build inside me. This was my home, Ana's home now too until I could find or build a home for just us. It was not ideal to start married life living with one set of parents some would think but just like in the circus, our home life did not follow the norm.

The carriage was waiting along with my grandfather who had come to help move our personal things to the house. Just like he was when he had met Ana, my grandfather had soon charmed Carla and Susan too.

"If I did not think you were happily married to my mother" my own mother teased him, smiling as Grandpa kissed Carla and Susan's hands.

"I am just welcoming our guests, now where is my other girl."

"Hello Grandpa," Ana said, herself being pulled into a hug from the old man.

"You look very well my dear and at last you are wearing that ring. I approve."

"I am glad to hear it, Grandpa," I said, shaking his hand.

Grandpa took the girls back to the house in the carriage with some of our things before coming back to the train to pick up some more.

Most of our items would stay on board but personal things like our photographs and letters, many of my parent's things too would stay in the house until we left once again.

"Now the ladies are all warm in the house, are one of you going to tell me what is going on? I know something is" my grandfather stated as I walked with Daisy down the ramp.

Looking at my father and Tom, it was the latter who started to speak. He told him about Raymond Steele's dealings, angering my grandfather so much that he swore. He, like all of us, had come to the same conclusion that it would be me who went up against that man as Ana's husband. With or without this threat hanging over us, I would marry Ana soon. When the day did come that I would claim the money with my wife, he will know never to cross me and those that I love again.

…

The animals were all settled and fed, and happy to be home. This is not only Ana's first time here, but Cora's as well and she took her time, sniffing and seeing what she could chew before just like her father, she settled down with one of Ana's boot.

Sitting down for dinner as one big family, wedding talk continued, my grandmother who had kissed my face all over as usual when we had arrived, leading the way.

"You could get married in the small Chapel on Mahony way, or here" she added, seeing the look on our faces.

"We would like a home wedding. I just hope we can get a priest or a judge who is willing to come here to perform it. Most prefer a church or chapel," I said.

"Do not worry, we will find someone" she told us and I knew already she would be planning in her head just who that someone would be.

"Where would you like it here," my mother asked, and almost instantly Ana and my focus went towards the giant stone barn outside which held all the animal feed and equipment. "You cannot be serious" she laughed.

"We want our wedding here, our family here also. Where else would we be able to fit everyone in, not here in the house? It could be cleared out and fires could easily be lit at both ends for light and heat, especially if the snow falls like last year. Once the doors are closed to the elements outside, it should be a cosy atmosphere inside."

"Plus there is access through to the animal shed from in there. Having the animals close by or even part of our wedding would be perfect" Ana added, making me smile.

"It smells" my mother complained.

"So do we after a day in the circus. It could be cleaned, it could be beautiful."

I watched my mother looking out to the barn, a smile appearing on her face as she turned back to us. Within seconds she was deep in conversation with my grandmother, Carla and Susan and plans were quickly made.

….

It was a few days before Christmas and Ana had gone into town with the rest of the ladies to get food for our Christmas meal while I stayed behind with the other men. I felt nervous at her not being here especially not knowing where that man would be.

He would not know about our home here, the only place he would know about was where Susan and Tom lived. Had he gone there to try and see Carla before she left, no doubt the door would have been slammed in his face or he would have been tossed to the curb by Tom.

"Christian, stop your pacing boy," my grandfather told me.

"I apologise, I just do not like her gone from my sight, especially with that man around."

"Your grandmother can ride that carriage better than I can, she can wield a whip too if need be. None of those women would let that man near to Ana, especially her own mother."

"I know. We have been so looking forward to Christmas, our first one together and now that man has put a dampener on it."

"He can only do that if you allow him to. The banks and businesses are closed until after the new year so there is nothing you or even that blasted man can do until then. If he had been able to claim that money himself, he would have done so the moment Ana turned eighteen. Only she can claim that, not him and with regards to those papers that still sit on the mantel like a spectre hanging over us, I believe some, not all, belong on that fire."

I smiled, knowing he spoke the truth as I stood, soon watching paper turn to ash. I know whoever he had make them up in the first place could do so again but without Dr Flynn's signature, one he would never get, they were of no use to anyone. The papers I did keep were for the account in Ana's name. I understand why he went back to Dr Flynn's office to retrieve them as these, there would be no other copy of.

"Do you feel better?" Tom asked me as I turned away from the fire, looking at the men in the room.

"Yes, actually I do."

"Good, now I think we need to plan."

We spoke about the bank where we needed to be, that information we found on the letter. Ana would need proof of who she was, her mother taking that information in the form of her birth certificate when she left that home. Our marriage certificate would also be needed, that, we would get at a later date. That date still needed to be set but as my parents told us that they knew somebody who would do it, I was leaving that up to them.

Leaving the house, I ignored the snow that was starting to fall, pulling my coat tighter around me as I looked to the empty road. There was no sign of them returning yet so needing something to occupy my mind, I took the dirt road in the opposite direction towards the train.

I could have gotten one of the horses from the stables, getting me there faster and out of this snow but that would mean leaving the poor animal out in the cold, causing distress while it waited for me by the train. Causing distress is something I would never do to my animals.

As I climbed the steps onto the back of the carriage, I shook the snow off me before opening the door and stepping inside. I was not here to visit my carriage, it was just easier going through this way instead of looking for a different key. I made my way through the carriages, stopping at the last before I reached the empty animal cars. This whole train was too quiet, no noise, no laughter ringing through the carriages. I hope wherever everyone is, they are all enjoying Christmas with their families and those who have none, are enjoying it together.

Stepping into the carriage that not only held supplies but all the tat, I smiled at thinking that word. Tat, gifts, they are all the same to me. Seeing the happiness on a child's face whose parents had bought one of those things, brought a smile to my girls too.

Ana wanted an elephant, despite owning Daisy with me and that was what I was here to look for. Mountains of stuffed toys, I looked through, most of them falling on my head. When I emerged victoriously, having survived an avalanche of stuffed animals, I held the biggest elephant I could find. _Daisy_ had been sewn under the elephant's foot, along with the year. I had no idea where my parents got these from but the more I looked, the more I understood why Ana wanted one. They were quality, not tat, no wonder we ran out of them fast.

Leaving the supply carriage and the aftermath of the avalanche behind, I headed back to my room pulling an old cloak from the closet to which I wrapped the elephant within. I had just got back to my room in the house when I heard the sound of the horse and carriage approach.

I smiled when I got back downstairs, seeing the others stood on the front porch. No matter what they had said earlier, they were just as keen as I was to know they were all alright.

"How was town," I asked Ana.

"Like a winter wonderland" she laughed, taking my arm, her packages tightly held under my other. "Do not peek at those otherwise there will be nothing to open on Christmas morning."

"I promise my love. I am happy you are back."

"You were worried" she stated, her hand coming to my cheek.

"I am always worried when you are gone from my sight. We have spent so much time apart over the years, I cannot bear any more."

"I know, I love you" she spoke, kissing me on my parent's porch as the others stepped inside. I had managed to place her packages onto the table that stood on the porch before my arms wrapped around Ana.

Her lips were firm against my own, taking, claiming the love I had to give. Neither of us released the other until breaths were needed. "I believe there will be one more night we will need to be apart," Ana told me, her fingers caressing my cheek.

"What, when," I asked, not liking the sound of that at all.

"The night before our wedding. Despite our relationship especially in the bedroom not following the normal order of things, my mother and yours believe that it is bad luck for you to see me on the morning of our wedding before I walk down the aisle, or the barn to you" she giggled.

"One night, I can handle that, I think."

"We will survive. We have come so far not to."

"Do we have an officiate or date for our wedding?" I asked my parents as we walked into the kitchen where my mother was making some tea.

"Ana, would you like to tell him or would you like me to," my mother asked her.

"Me please," Ana said, turning to me. "Your mother and grandmother introduced me to a friend of theirs in town, a judge who is willing to come here and conduct our wedding service."

"When," I asked, excitement filling my voice.

"How does the tenth of January suit you," she asked me.

"The tenth?"

"Yes, due to paperwork that would need to be filed, not forgetting our wedding licence that we would need to acquire, that is the earliest that he could do it due to businesses being closed over Christmas."

"I think the tenth would be perfect," I said, lifting Ana up and swung her around. There was laughter all around us, a few tears too from our mothers and it was not even our wedding day yet.

…

Despite knowing they would not arrive until the new year, letters were sent to all those who would be attending our wedding, not including the girls. They were all staying with Elena for Christmas, all girls together at her home the town over so come lunchtime on Christmas Eve instead of the quiet day that was originally planned, they all descended whisking Ana off to their carriage on the train with the women here to speak about dresses and more importantly the dress they were making for her.

"Ah, peace at last," my father said, putting his feet up on the stool, which would soon be toasty by the roaring fire.

"You knew they would come," I asked him.

"Are you serious. They have probably been ready to run here for days. Ana is one of those girls and despite you getting married in a barn" he laughed. "They will make sure you have the best wedding you can."

"If a barn is good enough for the Lord Jesus to be born in then it is good enough for our boy to be married in. The animals will be just a little different, that is all" my grandfather declared, making us all laugh.

Barn, pig sty I did not care what the building was as long as Ana became my wife.

That night while Ana slept, I did something I had not done for a while. I wrote a letter to her, one that I will give to Ana the night before our wedding. Letters had been an important part of our journey so far and despite Ana now living with me, I vowed to write her more.

….

Christmas morning we were greeted with more snow, that covered my windowsill. It was a magical thing to look down on, although I know I would not be saying that in a little while when I went out to see to the animals. They had heat out there though, the embers of the fires that were lit keeping the sheds warm. I know if it is not kept up though, the sheds would quickly grow cold.

"Merry Christmas my beautiful girl" I whispered, kissing Ana's forehead.

She was fast asleep where she always is, tucked safely into my arms.

I reluctantly managed to remove myself from the bed without waking Ana, quickly dressing for the cold day. Stoking the fire in the kitchen I removed some of the embers, placing them into a tin, one that I took with me so I could warm my hands on as I went about my work.

My father joined me not long after out there, he himself grateful for the heat I brought with me. The animals were soon happy also as the sheds grew warmer as I built up the fires which had gone lower than I liked. Yes, the cats had fur coats, Daisy having a thick skin too but like the camels and horses, they had been spoilt over the years and all appreciated a little warmth.

"Thank you for your help," I told my father as we closed the shed doors behind us, taking our portable heat source back with us.

"I could not let you do it alone on Christmas, besides your mother banished me from the kitchen for a little while so she could get dinner on. I hope breakfast is on as well as I am ready for my morning meal."

"Mother knows what you are like with food," I told him laughing.

"I know."

We made our way into the house, shrugging our boots and coats off by the door. I smiled seeing Ana up, holding a steaming mug of tea. That tea was ignored when she saw I was there as I walked into her open arms.

"Merry Christmas Christian," she told me and I could detect the excitement in her voice.

"Merry Christmas my love."

I placed a chaste kiss upon her lips, knowing that although we were with company it would be all too easy to get lost in her touch. I was a good boy, for now anyway.

"Are the animals having a nice Christmas?" she asked me.

"They all had an extra treat this morning so they know something is different."

"I will go and see them later, hopefully when this snow stops."

"You could be waiting days my dear," Grandmother said, looking to the heavy snow that was falling outside.

"I will make sure I wrap up warm then. If it continues we will have a white wedding, a real winter wedding" Ana told her and despite knowing we would be getting married on a cold day, her excitement for that day filled her with warmth.

Breakfast came and went very quickly, all hungry, my father and me especially after being out there working. The others I believe wanted it over so they could get to the gifts.

I had purchased for Ana some more charms for her bracelet that she wore most days unless she was cleaning out the animal pens. There were three lions now on there, one for each one that was outside. An elephant charm Ana touched most of all, her heart truly belonging to Daisy.

"I realised that I had purchased one from each of the places we had visited but not the animals who were travelling with us. I am as yet unable to find a camel charm but I will continue to look."

"They are all beautiful," Ana told me, shaking her arm so they jangled together before thanking me with a kiss.

Ana placed a small box into my hand then, one I had held a few days before. This time though I would get to open it.

"Should I shake it?" I asked, wanting to know if it was breakable or not.

"You can try, just not too hard."

I shook it a little, hearing something moving around. Removing the packaging, I opened it to reveal a pocket watch inside.

I looked to Ana, seeing her nervous smile, as if I would not like the gift. Looking to it once again, I then pulled Ana into my arms kissing her passionately as everyone laughed around us.

"You have not even looked at it" she giggled when I released my hold on her face.

"I love it, I love you so much," I told her before I finally removed the watch from the box.

This watch was new, so unlike the ones I had viewed through dusty windows over the years. Those had been pawned, bought for not much but sold for so much more than I could ever afford at the time. This watch, my watch had not a scratch on it apart from the intended etching on the case and looking at the grandfather clock that I could see in the hallway, it kept perfect time.

"This must have cost so much," I told her.

"And this did not," Ana replied, her charms jingling as she moved her wrist. "Or this," she told me, touching the necklace I had sent for her birthday the year before. "I have saved every penny I have earned from the circus so far and a little from what my grandparents had left me."

"Thank you" I whispered, running my finger over the etchings on the casing. Turning it over, I smiled at what was on the back.

_My Christian._

_My best friend_

_My husband_

_My forever._

_Your Ana, always. Xxx_

"I know the middle line is a little premature, but that will be the truth very soon."

"It will be Ana, forever."

Wrapped in my arms, Ana and I watched as the rest of our family opened their gifts. Gift giving especially at Christmas was always a big thing in my family, being so busy for the rest of the year to think of such things. Ana's Christmases before this had not been so joyful. Too stuffy, too formal Ana and Carla described it, never really having a chance to relax. Her father always threw a party in the evening so most of their Christmas day was spent getting ready for that. Here, now, they relaxed and enjoyed themselves, enjoying our Christmas meal.

As is custom on this day in my family, they were then told to retire to the drawing room to put their feet us as it was the men's job to wash the dishes and make sure the kitchen was clean.

…

"I have one more gift for you if you can call it that," I told Ana once we were in our room that night. We were both dressed for bed, clothes needed to fight off the chill in our room for the moment until the fire I had just lit did its job.

"I already have my charms, my boots which will not be going in any lions mouth and also my new woollen coat, what else is there," she asked me as I pulled the elephant from the closet that was still wrapped up in the cloak.

"This," I told Ana, placing it down onto the bed in front of her.

The cloak was soon removed, a giggle escaping my girl's lips.

"I love it" she smiled, running her fingers through its fur. Stopping her hand on top of its head, she looked to me with a smile. "I have an idea."

"What for," I asked.

"My act."

Ana told me what she had in mind, my smile growing wider all the time. It will be perfect, I know it will, I can just imagine the cheers and the applause now. I know it will be my voice that is cheering the loudest when she is in that ring.

…..

The days passed quickly once Christmas was over, the new year soon welcomed too. In two day's time, I will marry Ana on what will be a beautiful winters day with our family all around.

"What are you all planning," I asked the men who filled our train carriage. My father, grandfather and Tom were here as well as Elliot, Jason, Jose and Samuel.

We were here on the train having all been banished by my mother from the house so the ladies could try on their dresses especially Ana who will be trying it on for the first time I am told.

I am excited to see Ana in her dress, knowing how excited she is herself for me to see it. Giving Ana the perfect wedding day is important to me so no matter what she wants, what she needs, she will have, I have told her. The only thing Ana told me she wanted was me.

"We are just thinking about a little drinking, a little fun" Elliot told me, bringing me from my thoughts of Ana in her dress.

"You are unable to have just a little drink Elliot. I should know, I have carried you to your bed on more than one occasion over the years."

"Me too" Jason added.

"You can leave me where I fall then, just do not leave me out there," he told us, nodding to the falling snow.

"Where you fall" my grandfather warned him. If he fell over in the snow from too much alcohol he will be staying put.

Our impromptu party was soon in full swing, well I thought it was impromptu until more started to arrive. Clifford and dotty arrived with quite a few others, that poor dog finding refuge in the animal sheds by the end of the night.

When we made our way back to the house, I admit I was a little tipsy. I had drunk the odd glass of wine over the years but never this much alcohol. I was covered in, I have no idea what, but I think at one point I had been pelted with custard pies. Hearing Ana's giggle followed by her squeal when I picked her up ended the night as it was me who slept where I fell, covered in who knows what on the kitchen floor.

...

I groaned, stretching and instantly wishing that I had not. I was not in the warm bed where I normally woke in the morning, although I did have a blanket covering me, a pillow below my head. I was not cuddling up to Ana for she was fast asleep on the couch, where my hard bed was the kitchen floor.

"Never again" I groaned, sitting up and pulling the blanket with me.

"Until the next time," my mother said, smiling as she stood at the stove boiling some water for maybe her tea.

"No next time mother. I must look a sight and I smell, like… like gone off milk."

"You smell like baby vomit" she laughed as I stood, pulling the clothes away from my body that seemed to have been stuck to me.

"Having only ever been near to Charity, Amelia and Merlin's little girl, I will have to take your word for it as she has never vomited on me."

Despite wanting to kiss my sleeping beauty and thank her for sleeping downstairs no doubt to look after my drunken self, I believe cleaning myself up first is best.

Heading up to my room, I turned on the tap, groaning at the thought of cleaning myself up with cold water. Hearing a knock on my door, I opened it to reveal my mother, pan full of hot water in hand which I gratefully took from her. I kissed her cheek, spreading a little of whatever was on my face on to hers.

Leaving me alone once again, I filled the small sink that I had in my room before stripping off my clothes. They would definitely need scrubbing, burning some in higher society would think at having stains on their clothes. Stains come with the territory, so do smells and as Ana joined me only moments later, taking the cloth so she could wash me down, I was grateful that I had met someone like her, someone who embraced the job we both now did and embraced the life we lived.

….

"I feel like I have hardly seen you all day and now we are to be separated once again."

"It is only for a short while Christian. After tomorrow, no one will separate us, especially not our mothers" Ana told me.

"I have something for you to read this evening or in the morning, that is up to you," I told Ana, placing the letter into her hand.

"I have something for you also," she told me smiling as she gave me a letter too.

"Great minds" I laughed.

"That and this is us."

Stepping up on her tiptoes, Ana placed her lips to my own.

Our kiss was passionate, her body pulled against mine although I should have willed it not to be. Knowing that I will not see Ana until tomorrow, knowing I will not be able to hold her this night especially after missing out on last night also caused a groan to leave my lips.

"Tomorrow, you will be my wife Ana. I cannot wait for you to be Ana Grey."

"I cannot wait also, I will be Mrs Christian Grey."

"No, we will be Ana and Christian Grey. If they want their stuffy titles, a woman hidden behind a man, let them but you will always be seen and you will always be my equal."

Kissing Ana once more, I then waited until she had disappeared into the house, making sure she did not slip on her way in. I do not want her to be hurt or sick on our wedding day and as I ran towards the train, getting myself out of the falling snow, it would do me no good to be sick either.

Saying goodnight to everyone who was staying onboard the train, I headed to my room. Quickly stripping out of my clothes, I got into bed missing Ana's presence immediately.

I looked to the dresser where I had placed Ana's letter fighting with myself for a moment that I should leave it until morning to open it. As always her words were calling to me wanting to be read and upon reading the first line Ana knew how unsettled I would be on this night without her and that I would not wait until morning to read what she had written.

_My dearest Christian._

_As you lay in our bed without me this evening, know it will be the last time we spend the night apart. _

_Know I am there with you, your heart beating with mine, every beat one closer until we are together again, until I am your wife._

_Your daisies kept me company throughout the years we were originally apart, your letters too. Within your closet, I have asked your father to put something for you, something to keep you company tonight. Know that I want it back once we are together again, part of it anyway. _

I looked towards my closed closet door, itching to see what had been left. I would finish reading her words first though.

_To be your wife, to spend the rest of my life with you is beyond anything that I can dream. Believe me, I have dreamed a lot as you well know, those dreams are now becoming my reality. _

_I love you my Christian, I will love you until I take my last breath so sleep well now my showman and know that upon the strike of one tomorrow I will be walking towards you with my mother and a maybe an animal by my side. _

_Yours forever._

_Ana xx_

I smiled at reading her words, my smile growing larger when I opened my closet to reveal the elephant I had given to Ana inside. Lifting it out, I pulled from the rim of the top hat it wore, a large daisy. This is what Ana had been making with her mother just the other day, this daisy, made of cloth. That was not all that had been attached to the hat, cufflinks were pinned also styled as my big cats.

I loved them, I loved all that Ana had given to me and I especially loved her.

Looking at my suit that was hung on the closet door, I could feel the excitement building inside me.

Placing the elephant on Ana's side of the bed, I finally lay down, keeping her letter on my dresser where I could reach it at all times.

When I closed my eyes and sleep finally took me, I dreamed of our wedding, of a little boy who could have been me and our future that lay ahead.

**Thank you for reading. **

**You will find out what act Ana was speaking about when they return to the circus.**

**Until next time, and their wedding day.**

**Take care. **

**Caroline.**


	15. Chapter 15

APOV.

I hid behind the curtain, looking down on the garden before me. I think I had spent most of my life doing just that, although it was a different garden I looked upon then, a different life too. That was the past, before me was my future especially the man who was trying to guide the lion cub back inside the sheds, a cub who was determined to play in the snow.

I say cub but as Cora is now around eight months old, she easily towers over us. I would have to ask Christian what her date of birth is but that would have to wait for another day.

As if he could sense me at the window, Christian looked my way. Hidden behind the curtains, there was no way he could see me from where I was standing but he knew I was here, the smile on his face confirmed that.

Hearing a knock on the door, I turned away from the window, making my way over to the bed with my cane as my mother entered. She held a tray containing my breakfast, but how much I could eat this morning, I did not know. My stomach felt like Daisy and Growler were having a party in there, knocking any butterflies out of the way. That thought did make me giggle which in turn helped with my nerves.

"Mother, how much do you think I can eat," I asked, seeing how much food filled the tray.

"I thought I would have breakfast with my daughter on her wedding day."

"I would like that," I told her, taking a seat at Christian's desk while my mother pulled another chair over.

"Before I went to sleep last night, I was trying to remember what my own mother spoke to me about on my wedding day," she told me, before taking a sip of her tea.

"Did my grandmother tell you to run?" I asked, making her smile.

"Despite what has happened, I can not wish that. I would not have you or your sister if I had not married your father that day. I have many regrets regarding that man, most for not standing up to him enough. Having you as my daughter though, I would go through any pain for that."

"I love you mother," I told her, wrapping my arms around her as best I could from our positions, our breakfast forgotten, for a moment.

"I love you, Ana. I always wished this day would come as I watched you grow. I do admit I never expected it to be so soon though, although I should have known the first time I saw you and Christian together. There is no one more perfect for you than that man outside."

"I know, I am so happy. I love him so much."

She smiled as we continued our breakfast before asking me a question that brought redness to my cheeks.

"My mother told me what to expect on my wedding night, do I need to explain what might happen on yours."

I knew she was teasing me, I mean Christian and I share the same room and have done so since I left. Hearing my whispered no did bring laughter from her lips.

"I thought not," she told me with a smile. "We will speak about what will happen this morning then and if you have finally decided what to do with your hair."

"I would like it down, with my daisies," I told her reaching for the box I had placed onto the dresser. It held a ring of daisies, unfortunately not real ones, they were beautiful though. If I could find some real daisies here I would have been scouring the grounds. Alas, the frost would have seen off anything that grew apart from the grass and the bare trees.

"You will look beautiful Ana, especially wearing that dress."

I smiled looking to the closet door where my wedding dress hung. How the girls had made it, in such a short space of time, I do not know but it was beautiful. Long, stopping just above my ankles at the front although the back was much longer. It was made of lace and what I think is silk. I did not know where they got the materials from or how much it cost, I am just glad that they could make it for me.

We were joined in my room by those girls not long after we had finished our breakfast who then ushered me into Grace and Carrick's room and the hot bath that had been drawn up for me.

I did relax as I had been instructed to, closing my eyes for a moment as Christian's face came to my mind. The letter I had written to him came from my heart and his to me was no different. Having read it so many times since I had opened it last night, I knew it word for word.

_My beautiful Ana. _

_From the moment we stood side by side in the rain, I knew I had found my soul mate. _

_I had found my best friend, my partner in life, and someone to share my circus world with. _

_From watching you roll in the hay with a lion cub, to seeing you ride on the back of an elephant, I knew you were born for this life, born for me. _

_So as I wait for you on our wedding day, waiting for you to walk to me, I make a vow. To cherish you, to protect you from harm and to love you eternally._

_As you become my wife, just know how happy you have made me. _

_I love you my Ana, _

_Christian xxx_

_P.S. Daisy, Growler, Hera, Cora, Ola, Bob and Silver love you too. Xxx_

I opened my eyes, my own giggle at the last line bringing me from my thoughts. I loved them all very much but none more so than my showman, my Christian.

….

"Let me look, let me look," Leila said, excitedly as she placed the ring of daisies upon my head.

"It is crooked" Susie teased her, having her hand smacked away by Leila when she went to touch the daisies.

"Ignore her, it is beautiful" Leila laughed as she helped me from the chair, giving me the support my cane would before she turned me around so I could look at myself in the mirror.

"Oh, do not cry," Elena said, passing me her handkerchief.

"I look beautiful."

"Why do you sound so surprised," my mother asked. "You were beautiful the moment you were placed into my arms."

"You are a little biased mother" I teased, giving her the handkerchief as I knew she would need it more than me.

"Here you go my dear," Grace spoke, handing me my cane which had bands of lace wrapped around it.

"Thank you, how is he," I asked her.

"Christian is fine, nervous. He is always looking at the pocket watch you gave him, willing time to go faster. My son will be the cleanest he has ever been by the time you are wed" she laughed.

"What is so funny," I asked her.

"When Christian is sad or in this case nervous, his animals are where you will find him. They calm him, as you do. Unfortunately, when he is out there in the animal sheds, he comes back smelling of them. He has washed himself completely four times this morning so far, I fear his skin will be raw if he continues."

"Shall we calm his nerves then?" I asked the ladies in the room, receiving nods from them all.

"Ladies, do you want to go and take your seats," Grace asked Elena and the girls, before turning to me. "Before I leave, my son asked me to give this to you."

She placed a small box into my hand, like one I had seen only weeks before on Christmas day. When I opened it, the charm that lay inside brought tears to my eyes. It was a heart, and A & C was engraved on one side and on the other in tiny letters was the word, Forever.

"It is beautiful," I said to our mothers. "Can you help me put it on?" I asked Grace, holding out the charm and my arm to which his bracelet lay. It was soon attached, nestled within the others.

"I will give you two a moment" Grace said before leaving the room.

My mother stood before me then, taking my free hand into her own. She traced her finger over my ring, smiling at me as soon I will be wearing two rings, one for Christian too.

My father never wore a ring to symbolise his marriage, my uncle does not wear one either although he shows how much he loves my aunt at every occasion. I never thought of a man wearing a wedding ring until I came to live with the circus. Carrick, Jason, even Merlin has one along with many others too. Two worlds, oh so different and I know to which I belong.

Leaving the house, I was excited to see what all the ladies including our mothers had done to the barn as I had been kept out of there. I held the bottom of my dress in one hand to keep it from the snowy ground, the rest was dry under the cloak I wore. I actually entered through one of the animal sheds which had been cleaned out just for our wedding, this shed giving us access to what will be the bottom of the aisle. I had to smile, laugh actually at who was waiting for me there. Growler with what looked like a bow around his neck.

"What are you wearing boy" I laughed, fingering the bow to make sure it was not tight on him. He was being a good boy but I know before long, it would be ripped from him and torn to shreds, by Cora probably.

Giving the signal that we were ready, the man who had come with the judge quickly left the room, no doubt relieved to move, having been stuck in this room with a full grown lion. I smiled then, hearing the piano being played, knowing that it was Grandpa. After I told Growler to go on ahead, Grandpa's music guided me to Christian who was waiting for me at the end of the aisle.

The barn had been done up beautifully, winter flowers everywhere. There were candles lit the full length on both sides, giving us much needed light it what would be a dark room.

My eyes were on Christian's, my smile matching his as my mother gave me away to who would soon be my husband. Christian kissed her cheek before my mother sat down, leaving just Christian and me, not forgetting Growler who was sat at my other side.

Never missing a chance to be close to me, Daisy stepped a few feet closer, her trunk coming to rest on my shoulder for a moment before she went looking for peanuts in Elliot's pocket when he got her attention. She had a crown of daisies just like mine on top of her head too, some even tied around her tail.

"You look beautiful Ana, truly beautiful," Christian told me.

"This suits you, my showman" I told him as what was a uniform to wear only in the ring some would think, to a man of the circus, a ringmaster whether now or in the future, his tailcoat, his waistcoat was a symbol of who he was or what he will be one day. That is what Christian chose to proudly wear on our wedding day along with the daisy I had made for him, that was pinned to the lapel of his coat.

Our service was brief, no need for pomp or ceremony as getting married is what we came here for. Our union was not just witnessed by our family and friends but our animals too. None of them was left out, although as the camels were in a spitting mood, they remained in their shed. They did not miss out on Cora's roar when the judge asked if anyone had a reason why we should not be wed, thankfully he did not take that roar as words and our ceremony continued with a few chuckles heard throughout the room. They did not miss out on Daisy either when from upon her back she brought down a small pouch that contained our rings. Both rings were then blessed by the judge who stepped back so that Daisy in her excitement did not stand on his foot.

Our wedding was perfect, crazy but perfect, neither of us wanting it any other way. Feeling Christian's lips on my own after being pronounced man and wife was the greatest moment of all.

"Ana, I would not move if I was you" my mother laughed, nodding behind me as I was tightly held in Christian's arms.

Cora, having probably found our wedding ceremony boring after her own part, had fallen asleep on the train of my dress.

"She is fine for now," I told my mother before she wrapped her arms around my husband and me to congratulate us both.

Before long, we had kissed and hugged all that were there while I remained standing in one place. I did need to move at one point as we both signed the register that stated I was now Ana Grey. As my given name, I had to sign Anastasia but Ana is who I was to everyone here especially my husband.

Finding a few moments of quiet, I left my husbands arms, and slowly with cane in hand, I made my way over to my big girl. Upon reaching her she plucked the ring of daisies from her head which had fallen onto one ear, dropping it into my hand. Placing a kiss to the side of her head, I wrapped the daisies around my wrist making a bracelet on the opposite hand from where I wore my charm bracelet and rings.

"Thank you girl" I spoke, stroking my hand down her face.

Her reply as always was to lift me into the air.

...

"Mrs Grey" Christian whispered in my ear as I smiled looking up to him.

For a moment Christian and I had stepped into the house while things were moved around in the barn, ready for our meal. For a moment, it was just the two of us, alone.

"Yes, my husband" I replied.

"I love you. I promise to tell you that every day, at least a hundred times."

"Only a hundred" I teased, whispering my love for him before his lips met mine.

Being alone, there were no chaste kisses between us as I opened my mouth to his. His tongue soon tangled with my own as our passionate kiss continued.

"Is it wrong that I want to whisk you away to our room on the train, just so I can keep you to myself for the night?" he asked, his hands cradling my face.

"No Christian, we have had a busy few days and not a lot of time for us. Just know there are no more nights apart."

"Thank the heavens" he laughed, pulling me closer to him.

Our kisses continued until we were interrupted by our mothers much later to let us know that dinner was soon to be served.

Braving the cold once more, we made our way quickly into the stone barn. Everything had been moved around, the animals moved to their own sheds. We could still see them, although the gates were now in the way. They were not being excluded in any way from our day, we just know they would all eat the food if they had the chance.

The candles were still lit, the fires too, causing shadows to dance on the ceiling up above. Taking my seat by Christian's side on the long benches where our family sat also, I could not wait to taste our delicious wedding meal.

As had been our first meal together, for our wedding we were also having beef. Like my birthday it was delicious and from the sounds that the cats were making as the smells wafted through the barn, I know they would like some too.

"I would like to say a few words if I may," My mother said, standing with her glass in her hand.

"Mother," I asked, knowing that as I looked into her eyes, she was losing the fight to keep her tears at bay.

"My daughter, my son in law, to share this day with you both has filled me with a joy I have never felt before. To walk with you down the aisle, to place your hand into your husbands Ana was an honour I feel blessed to have been given. Seeing the two of you together, the love radiating from you both, I finally see what true love is. As you start this journey, that is married life together, know that you will not be doing it on your own. You have the love and support of all those that are around you, know that we will always be here when you need us. Please raise your glasses" she said to all in the barn. "To Ana and Christian, to two souls who were destined to become one."

As she raised her own glass to us, I stood, forgetting about my cane for a second as I pulled her into my arms. Christian stood then, wrapping his arms around his own mother before our two groups came together with myself in the middle.

"Is this a group hug?" Elliot asked, holding his arms out to us.

As a giggle left my lips, it was Bell who walked into his arms before they too were squashed in the middle of Elena, Leila and Susannah.

"I think I am missing out on something here," Aunt Susan said before she pulled my shocked husband into her arms for a hug.

"I should be jealous," Tom said aloud. "You are much better looking though" he added, before picking me up and swinging me around.

I laughed, trying to get my bearings as the room slowly stopped spinning. When Carrick stood to say a few words, I was wrapped in Christian's arms once again.

…

"Have you had a lovely day?" Christian asked, holding the bottom of my dress up off the floor as we walked through the snow to our carriage on the train.

"Lovely, it has been beyond words, beyond anything that my dreams could have created," I told him, stopping in front of him. "I love you, Christian Grey, I love you, love you, love you."

He crashed his lips down onto my own, the bottom of my dress hitting the snowy floor as his hands came up to cradle my face.

"I love you, Ana. My wife" he told me with a beaming smile.

Placing a kiss to my lips, he then scooped me up into his arms before carrying me until I was on the train.

"Candles" I whispered upon entering our room, candles were lit all around.

"My mother, or was it yours," he asked, his arms wrapped around my waist.

"Both, I think," I told Christian, turning in his arms to kiss him once more.

While his lips were on mine, Christian's fingers were slowly opening the pearl buttons that went down my back to my waist. Stepping out of my wedding gown, Christian groaned seeing for the first time what I wore underneath.

"You are a vision," he mumbled, his lips back on my own before moving to my ear, then to my neck.

Christian was too overdressed, a fact I told him about so it was my turn then to rid him of his clothes.

The only clothing that soon remained was my lingerie. Christian seemed to be taking his time in removing that, making sure he had inspected every inch of my body in it before we were finally skin to skin.

"My mother asked if she would need to speak to me about what happened on our wedding night," I told him, my hands coming up to his face as his body hovered over mine.

"What did you tell her," he asked.

"I told her no, we had learnt about that together."

Seeing his smile, his lips once again met mine as he pushed his penis inside me. I do not think I would ever get enough of this feeling that our bodies could bring the other as they moved together.

Our marriage, our union was consummated as the snow once again started to fall outside of the window.

I know we had some stressful days ahead, but we would face them together, my husband and me.

**Thank you for reading and reviewing. **

**Raymond Steele returns next chapter and finds out who really is in charge and just how protected his daughter is. **

**Until then, which should be later this week, take care.**

**Caroline. **


	16. Chapter 16

CPOV

Our bodies were a mass of sweaty tangled limbs, our breathing laboured as we both came down from the height of pleasure we had just experienced. For the past two days, Ana and I had remained on the train, consummating our marriage and enjoying this peaceful time together.

We both knew the storm was coming, we were purposefully heading into the eye when we start our journey tomorrow but for now, it was just us, trying to forget about the world outside.

"Do you think he will be there?" Ana asked me, her fingers running over my bare chest.

"I do not know Ana. I hope not but we will be prepared if he is. He has no rights now to be in that room and if he does try to enter, he will be physically removed."

"I do not want you getting hurt," she told me.

"I will not be. Trust those that are around to protect you, Ana, just like I will trust those whom I know will be there to back me up too."

"I will have your back," she replied, with a smile.

"I know Ana, now enough talk about tomorrow, what did you want to do today."

"Spend some time with the animals. I have missed them" she told me.

"Me too."

Our day was spent in the animal sheds, and with our families too. Despite Carla and the animals calming Ana somewhat, she was still anxious, still nervous for what lay ahead.

Leaving our home as the train departed, well some of it anyway as we were only taking the engine and our carriage, having decoupled the others this morning, it took both Carla and myself to calm Ana down. We were originally going to take the horse and carriage but that would be at least two days travel ahead of us to get there and with those of us that were going, it would make for an uncomfortable and unnecessary long ride. This way we should hopefully get into Olympia this afternoon before the bank closes and finally have this business, this spectre as my grandfather called it, banished for good.

"Do you think the animals will be all right?" Ana asked as we had all heard Daisy's trumpet when the train had started to move.

"They will be fine Ana, our grandfather is more than capable of keeping them in line, even the cheeky cats. They will soon settle, they are just used to going wherever the train goes."

Ana cuddled into my side, her hand in mine as she played with my wedding ring. I had never been one for jewellery or chains, never really seeing the point of them on a man. A wedding ring though, my ring, I am proud to wear as it means I belong to this woman by my side.

While Ana slept, her head in my lap, I looked over the papers, the letters we were taking with us. The letter from the bank, dated thirteen years ago had the initial opening amount on it which was such a lot of money. Depending on what type of account it had been placed in, it could have accrued a lot of interest over the years too Tom had told me.

We had certificates as well that may need to be presented, Ana's birth certificate and our wedding one also. The latter would definitely be needed to prove that I now spoke for Ana, not that man.

As predicted it was late afternoon when we arrived in Olympia, startling most that were there. Steam trains were not a familiar sight in most towns so there was a little excitement by some of the people thinking the circus had come back.

"Have you brought the animals?" a young boy asked, as I helped Ana down from the train.

"No, I am sorry. They are resting over winter. This is just our way of getting around."

I could see the disappointment on his face at my words, although that disappeared quickly when our driver William asked if he would like to see the engine.

As a group, Ana and myself, Carla, Tom and Susan, my parents too, we all headed into town, following the directions John Flynn had given us to get to the bank. He knew we would be here today and seeing the smile appear on Ana's face when we saw him get out of a carriage that had stopped in front of the bank, I too was relieved that he had kept his promise to her.

"Congratulations, Ana, Christian" he spoke quietly, shaking all of our hands. His focus went to my wife then, who was tucked into my side. "I know you are nervous Ana, I can see it and have done so many times before. He does not stand a chance though if he turns up here today."

"I am glad. Were you able to find out the information I asked you about?" she asked him.

"I did, I will give it to you later. For now, though, I believe it is best to get inside as at least one of the men in there has looked through the blinds more than once, checking out my presence."

Ana and I walked towards the door, opening it before stepping inside. There was heat in this bank created by the roaring fire, a complete contrast to the chill outside. As we walked towards a man who sat behind a desk, it was Ana who spoke first, taking the man by surprise.

"I would like to speak to someone about my account please."

"And what account is that," he asked her.

I wanted to correct his tone with the way he spoke to my wife, obviously only dealing with men before in here. She had his attention when she handed the letter to him though.

"Miss."

"Mrs" I corrected as our family started to file inside, obviously giving us a few moments to start. He did not know they were with us so his tone changed immediately obviously thinking he had potential new customers to deal with.

"Mrs…."

"Grey, Mrs Grey" Ana told him as he stood from behind his desk.

"Mrs Grey, I will just inform our manager you are here," he told her, writing a few notes on a piece of paper before I took the letter back from him so he could have no chance of disposing of it.

"Thank you," Ana replied as the man scurried into the back and only moments later, returned with another man.

"Miss…. What name was on the letter Giles" he mumbled to the clerk.

"Steele sir."

"Miss Steele, I am Mr Whelan, the bank manager, you are here to speak about an account that has been opened for many years" he spoke as if we had not just heard the whispered words between the men.

I wanted to growl just like my cats that he had used her maiden name. We had informed the clerk that she was a Mrs, not a Miss, Ana had even told him herself. Had the manager not been informed with him asking for her name, or did he simply not believe that due to our young ages she was now my wife.

"Yes that is right, I would prefer to speak to you in private," Ana said, startling the man as she gripped my hand, knowing his words would have angered me.

"Of course," he replied, gesturing for her to step into his office where I also followed her in. I did notice he looked around the now full waiting room with the excitement of seeing new money, before speaking to his colleague, encouraging him to help them.

They would need no help, they were buying time by appearing as customers, all here to keep that man away from my wife.

Mr Whelan did not speak when he sat at his desk, he waited for one of us to speak, that one being Ana.

"Some thirteen years ago an account was set up in my name containing money that was awarded to me after a successful lawsuit that my father had won. I am here to take possession of that account."

"Miss, could I please take a look at that letter you have and then I will be able to look for the account you are speaking about."

Ana placed the letter down onto his desk and I could practically see his eyes bug out at the amount the account had been opened with. He left the room then, thankfully for him leaving the letter behind before returning five minutes later with a file.

"There is a note attached to the account that says the money is to be held in trust until you are eighteen."

"Yes, I turned eighteen this past September."

He continued to read through the file, each sigh making me want to pick up the file and hit him with it. When he finally closed it, taking his spectacles off to which he placed them on top, he looked at Ana as a man who did not believe that she should have money such as this.

"Ma'am, this is an unusually large amount of money. It is for your care as I can see for myself that you walk with a cane. I know this account is in your name but I do not feel right giving you control of such a large amount of money, it could leave you susceptible to thieves or the corrupt."

Ana laughed and I knew what she was laughing at. It was given originally to a thief, a man who is as corrupt as they come.

"I appreciate your concern bu.."

"But nothing Miss Steele, this money should be in the hands of your guardian, your father, your..."

"Husband" I added, standing to my full height before this man.

"Yes," he spoke quietly.

"Then you have my blessing to give this money to my wife," I told him sternly.

"Wife" he spoke, still not believing I think, before our attention was taken by shouting from outside of the door.

Whelan rushed out of his office door to see what was going on. We did not rush as we knew by his voice just who had appeared.

Raymond was trying to get close to Carla but my father and Tom blocked his way. He looked not much better than the last time I had seen him, his clothes dirty and crumpled, although this time he had no bloody nose. That could quickly change though because upon seeing Ana and myself, his words started to fly.

"Anastasia, you have no right to be here. You have no right dealing with such things as this" he said to her as if she was still the little girl he could manipulate and hide away as he wished.

"I am here to speak to the gentleman about business, my business, which has nothing to do with you," she said, angering the man.

"She is my daughter, my lame daughter. I set up the account for her, I fought for her to get that money. I speak for her, I make decisions for her" he bellowed at Whelan while trying to get closer to Ana, his path blocked all the time.

"You do not speak for her, not any more" I spat, stepping closer to him, so close I could smell the stale alcohol on his breath.

It seems Raymond Steele had found solace in the bottom of a bottle, his life going downhill ever since the ladies had left.

"Get out of my way boy, you have no right to even be here. You kidnap her, take her away from her home."

"He did not kidnap me, he saved my life, he gave me a real home. We all know with your schemes, with your plans just where I would be now if I had remained living with you, in a box in the ground no doubt."

He sneered at Ana, trying to get closer to her before stumbling when I pushed him back. I noticed Giles rushing out the door, going to fetch a policeman no doubt. Let them come, we are doing nothing wrong here.

"DO NOT TOUCH ME BOY" He screamed at me, wagging his finger in my face. A finger that would be broken if he did not remove it. When once again he moved forward, I pushed him back again, so far this time that he hit the wall.

"Boy, no I am a man. I am the man who loves your daughter more than you could ever imagine. I am the man who is going to spend the rest of my life with her because I AM THE MAN WHO IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE ANA AS MY WIFE."

"Anastasia, her name is Anastasia" he spat before he stopped, looking between Ana and me as if he had finally realised what I had said. "What, no, I do not believe these lies" his words quieter now especially when he saw the rings Ana and I wore.

"It is the truth Raymond, a beautiful service, one you would never have been invited to. You disgust me, using your own daughter like that just to make money. You make me sick" Carla told him.

"Shut up, you will be left destitute just like her when I am finished," he said, pointing to my wife.

"Mr Whelan," I said, trying to get the man's attention. "MR WHELAN," I shouted, having everyone's attention now. "This man has no place in our meeting today so unless he has official business with the bank, I would like him removed for upsetting my wife."

"Wife" Raymond spat. "Stop calling her that, she is not your wife."

"No, are you sure about that," I asked, producing our marriage certificate which I showed to Whelan.

He read it over, handing it back to me before turning to Raymond Steele just as Giles returned with two policemen.

"He is right sir. Mr and Mrs Grey were married on January tenth."

"It is a fake, a forgery" Steele spluttered.

"No, it is very real. Marrying Christian was one of the best days of my life" Ana told him.

"She is crazy, she is not of sound mind" Raymond spoke, his eyes widening as he realised more and more how his plan was falling apart before his eyes.

"I can attest to the fact that Anastasia Grey is of sound mind, both as a child when she had her accident and certainly now as she stands before us. As a doctor, their family doctor, I believe it is Mr Steele who could do with an evaluation of his mental state especially with his recent behaviour." Dr Flynn spoke.

"There is nothing wrong with me" Steele spat at the good doctor.

"Really, I know of more than one occasion where your behaviour could be classed as questionable" Flynn told him.

"Mr Steele, I would like you to leave the bank, in a respectable manner," Whelan asked him, to which Steele's reply was to reach for the nearest thing, the coat rack, which he swung around to see if he could hit someone with it, breaking a window before throwing it to the floor.

It was he who hit the floor then, both policemen holding him down. While one arrested him, the other spoke to Dr Flynn who requested that he be given a full psychological evaluation before any chance of release. That would be slim for a while anyway as Mr Whelan wanted him charged for the damage he had just done.

"Mr and Mrs Grey, would you like to step back into my office and we can speak about your account" Whelan asked.

"Thank you," Ana said to the man as I followed her inside.

Whelan thankfully gave Ana and me a few moments alone together, those moments she spent in my arms. She was shaking a little at having to face that man again, relieved also that he was gone.

"He would have killed me" she whispered and despite the thought stealing my breath with what we had both witnessed outside, I knew her words were true.

When Whelan came back into the room, we had both retaken our seats. There was no messing about now, no ignoring the fact that we were married or the fact that Ana was perfectly capable of speaking for herself.

He did look to me for instruction constantly though as in his world, it would be me who makes the final decision. Losing my temper and telling him to speak to my wife, he finally did so, nearly choking on his saliva when Ana told him she wanted to remove the money and close the account.

"We do not hold that kind of money," he said to Ana, his voice tinged with panic.

"Really, I thought this was a bank, the only one in Olympia I hear so you look after and hold all the money for the businesses here. If it had been my father who had come into this bank, giving you the same instructions that I have, we both know you would have been already out there getting the money together by now."

"You are wrong miss."

"Mrs" I spoke angrily, slamming my hand down onto the table. "She is a Mrs, she is my wife and you will treat her will respect. Now my wife has given you an instruction and I will give you the same one. Whichever instruction you want to follow that is up to you but we will be removing the money today and closing the account."

"Yes Mr Grey, Mrs Grey," he said meekly before stepping out of his office yet again.

"You hate this" Ana said quietly.

"Hate what, my love."

"Lowering yourself to their level, being the man of the house, the boss of me as if I have no voice."

"Yes," I admitted. "I hate the way he looks straight at me as if you are not there or have no voice of your own. You are my equal Ana, never below me, well unless we are in bed" I ended with a smile.

"Christian" she spoke, shock filling her voice as if I would speak of such things here. Thinking of Ana in any way apart from the room we are in is the only thing that is keeping me sane at this moment in time.

"I am sorry my love."

"You will be" she teased. "I think it is time I take charge in the bedroom," she told me, shocking me into laughter this time.

When Whelan yet again returned, I had moved Ana's chair closer to me, my arm wrapped around my wife.

He held a large bag, two actually, both filled to the brim with cash. Ana and I had spoken about a bankers draft and other ways of receiving the money but decided on cash as it would mean it was in our hands and there was no chance that the bank could cancel the draft or the money taken from us was the way we had decided to go.

"If you would just sign this form for me" he spoke sullenly, laying the paper and pen down before us. It was Ana whose signature the paper held and that was only after I had counted every note in the bags. He had checked and double checked her birth and marriage certificates and the letter once again while I counted, probably to see if he could find a way out of us taking the money. As I stood with the bags in one hand, helping Ana up with my other, he finally conceded defeat.

"Thank you," I said to him politely, shaking hands with the man once he had shaken Ana's.

Walking out of the office with Ana's arm through mine, I passed the bags to my father and Tom before we all quickly exited the bank.

Steele was nowhere to be seen and worryingly neither was Dr Flynn.

"John said he will see you soon, he had a patient to deal with," my father told us.

"But, I needed some information from him," Ana stated.

"Here, he gave this to me. Not really knowing my way around the area, he left directions also."

"How do we get there though," Ana asked.

"John thought about that also. He said we could use it as he will be busy for a little while" my father spoke, nodding to the horse and carriage that had a snoozing driver outside of the bank.

He was soon woken, Tom startling him so loudly that he nearly fell from the top. It was a squeeze to get us all in the carriage, Tom sitting outside with the driver but we were soon underway after instructions were given of where we needed to go.

We left the town behind, the light quickly fading now. The further we got from town, the houses became few and far between, the houses also becoming more and more run down too. I could see the sadness on Ana's face, knew her heart would be breaking at the thought of this family having to live like this because of her father.

"We will put this right, give back to them what is rightfully theirs."

"We will Ana, do not worry about that" Carla told her daughter, reaching over to brush away the tears that fell.

"Where was the original riding school, he did not bring the girls all the way out here," Susan asked.

"No, it was just outside Montesano. This is obviously the only place they could afford" Carla replied as we pulled onto a dirt road, stopping not long after in front of what was not more than a shack. My animals had better accommodation than this, that is all about to change.

"Ana, until we speak to them and know it is really the Colliers we are speaking to, I would suggest you leave the money in here," my father told her, receiving a nod from my wife.

As we all started to get down from the carriage, the door of the house opened, a woman and young man may be a few years younger than me stepped out holding an oil lamp. I could see the worry on their faces as the light danced across them and I could understand it also as they had lost so much years before.

"What can we help you folks with" the woman asked.

"I am sorry for the intrusion but I was hoping to speak with Mr or Mrs Collier," Ana said stepping forward.

"I am she."

"Mrs Collier, my name is.."

"I know who you are" she spoke, her words shaken as she spoke to Carla, not Ana. "You are the Steele's, please we have nothing left to give."

"No, please hear us out, we do not want to take anything from you" Carla pleaded.

"You have already taken everything, there is nothing left. My father works day and night in the fields just to give us some food, some heat in the winter."

"My father, he stole from you, a fact we have only recently found out about," Ana told them. "I was a small child when I had my accident, I never knew when he took me away to speak to men about my foot that they were not doctors but men who were going to take everything from you. He is the one responsible for my accident, not you, not your husband. He neglected to look after me that day, just like every other."

"Mary, what is going on" a man I presumed was Mr Collier came to join us along with a younger man, another son I think.

"They are the Steele's" she spoke before breaking down in her husband's arms.

"Please leave" he spoke to us, trying to calm his sobbing wife.

My wife let go of my arm before going back to the carriage where she retrieved the bags of money. She struggled to carry them both while holding her cane in her other hand. As I went to take them from her, she shook her head, walking forward before giving one to each of the sons.

"What is this" the older of the two asked, looking to the bag and then his parents.

"It is yours. It is every penny my father stole from you and every penny in interest it had accrued over the years. It is your money, it was never mine and should have never been taken from you in the first place. If I had known about it earlier, I would have returned it sooner but my father's act of treachery only came to light recently after he had tried to get my doctor to state that I was unfit to be in possession of it once my eighteenth birthday had passed."

"They are filled with money Father" the younger of the boys spoke, probably having never seen that much money in his life. He is not the only one and I do not think my wife or I would ever want to see it again.

"You are giving this to us," the woman asked Ana.

"Yes, it is yours."

To see a man cry, a man who had no doubt fought to give his family everything, even when to some that was not much at all was very humbling. I know one day when Ana and I have a home of our own and a family too, we will fight to live the way we choose to live it and not let anyone stand in our way.

As we left the Collier's behind to start their new life, I looked to the days ahead. Our circus would start up again in a few weeks time, old faces coming back, not forgetting the new we would meet upon the way. It was an exciting time for us, for me especially as I had my wife by my side. My Ana was just as excited as me to return to normality and although a little nervous, to finally get into that ring.

**Thank you for reading. **

**We are back to the circus next time.**

**Until then, take care.**

**Caroline.**


	17. Chapter 17

APOV

I was home, safe, happy and surrounded by those that I loved. We were on our way to our first town of the year, although we had one stop off on the way.

"This is like arriving home in style," my mother told me as she sat by my side in the last animal car, our backs against Daisy as we watched the trees and fields pass us by.

It was cold out and we were huddled under a blanket, having the car door open so we could enjoy the view.

"Riding this girl through town is arriving in style."

"Maybe in the future and on a summers day" she laughed.

"Do you have to go?" I asked her, resting my head on her shoulder as I heard a sigh.

"I have to speak to your sister Ana, at least try to anyway. If she turns me away then I know where I stand. She has been under your father's influence for so long, I need to make her realise what that man was really like. I also need to speak to her about the money your grandparents left, preferable without Boyce around. It is her money, if she chooses to hand it over to her husband, that is her choice but the money is hers, not his. Your money, or the paperwork anyway, is in here."

My mother handed me an envelope containing a letter similar to the one I had shown Whelan. This account which although it held a smaller amount than the Colliers, still had more money than I would ever need.

"How do I."

"Gain access to it," she finished.

"Yes."

"Your grandparents opened it with a bank that had more than one branch in multiple states. You should be able to access your money in any of the major cities that you visit. Are you planning on a big spend?" she teased, knowing how much I despise shopping especially the way people have looked at me in the past.

"No, I have everything I need. For emergencies it will be for unless I ever visit a place where we find a friend for this girl, a boyfriend" I said, giggling as I patted Daisy.

"You will need another animal car then" she laughed. "You will not be able to fit another elephant in here."

"There is enough money in my account for that too I think, I hope anyway as I have no idea how much things like that cost."

"Whatever you choose to spend that money on, I know it will be purchased with your heart."

I kissed her cheek, cuddling up closer to her as Daisy's trunk came over both of our legs. I was content here, so happy to have this moment with my favourite girls and I knew my mother was too.

When we pulled into Eatonville later that day, it was my mother whose arms I was wrapped in, although I know my husband was nearby. I would need him to hold me when she left, need his hands to wipe away the tears I could already feel on my face.

"Please write to me, especially when you have visited there."

"I will my sweet girl. I will let you know what happens with your sister. I plan to speak to Dr Flynn also if he is back."

I kissed my mothers cheek before hugging my aunt and uncle. I will miss them all very much but I know where they will be and there is nothing to say that we cannot visit or stay a while when we pass this way next.

"Look after our girl my son," my mother told Christian before hugging him as tightly as she hugged me.

"I will Carla, I promise."

As the train started moving again, Christian and I stood where my mother and I had spent most of the day. We waved goodbye until they were out of sight before I turned being wrapped in Christian's arms.

"You will see her again soon Ana, neither of you will be apart for long."

"I know. She is going to visit Katherine though Christian. After all the worry of dealing with him, it is her that could hurt my mother most of all."

"I know Ana. Your sister is a rare breed with only one other, your father. As I have said before only she can change. If she continues then your mother will know where she stands."

"That is what my mother said," I told him with a smile.

"Great minds do think alike. Your mother and I are very close as we have something very important in common."

"What is that," I asked him.

"That we both love you very much and would do anything to make you happy."

"You do make me happy Christian, happier than I have ever been before."

"You deserve everything Ana, everything that I can give you."

"You have given me the world Christian, your world. I do not want anything more than that."

I wrapped my arms around Christian's neck, pulling him closer to me. Like our first kiss and each that had followed they were all special to us, the one we were sharing now no different.

"We have a few days travel ahead of us, do you have any thoughts on how we might spend it," he asked.

"Umm, I suspect most would be spent in our room," I told him, as I placed a kiss to the top of Daisy's sleeping head before we left her alone.

"I like the idea of that. So much can be done in our small room, so many ideas come to life" he teased, which made me laugh.

"I believe a little time spent with Clifford is needed also."

"Not in our room," he stated, startling me as he spun me around.

"No" I giggled. "I would like to speak to him about my act."

"That is alright then, as no men are allowed in our room except me."

"Is that you putting your foot down" I teased.

"With regards to you, especially when you are naked in our room, yes I am."

I laughed telling him he had no worries about anyone seeing my body but him. While we spoke we continued to walk through the animal cars.

"I am looking forward to seeing your act," he told me as we patted the lion's heads. As always Cora wanted to play but for today, I was too exhausted for that.

"I am nervous" I admitted as we passed by the camels and horses.

"Ana, no one expects you to do anything you are not ready for. If you want to turn around and say no to ever stepping into that ring, nothing would ever be said about it."

"I am more nervous about embarrassing you all, about stumbling in the ring. My foot, some days I feel as if it is not there, as if I have no control over what it will do. My mind says step forward but with the way it was broken, my foot does what it wants to do."

"You never have to step foot in that ring Ana, you landed on Daisy, you can do that again."

"I know and that is something I can do for now. I know one day you will be the ringmaster of this circus, the showman just like your father. When that day comes, I want to be stood by your side, not hiding away like I have been doing most of my life."

"You will never be hidden Ana, plus your act does not have to be the same every day. If you feel that it is a good day then you can have Daisy lower you down and I will be there waiting to offer you my arm. I will be your cane and guide you from the ring. If your act is with Clifford, I know he would do the same. If it is a bad day, you can ride Daisy back to the menagerie as you have done before. No pressure Ana, no pressure ever."

"I love you, Christian, I love you so much. I will get in that ring, I would just like to practice a little more first and hope that Clifford comes on board."

"He will, he will be just as excited as you."

It took a while making our way through to our carriage, stopping to speak to those we met on the way. Some, it had been a while since we had seen them and then there were my girls who I had seen only days ago.

When we reached our carriage, I could not wait to take a seat, my foot aching for a moment.

"My mother gave me this, is there somewhere safe I can put it," I asked Christian, as I placed the envelope into his hands before telling him to open it.

He opened the letter, whistling at what he read. As Grace and Carrick were here also, I gave permission although none was needed for them to read it as well.

"That is a lot of money Ana, do you have any ideas what you will do with it," Grace asked me.

"Leave it where it is unless it is needed for something here."

They were all shaking their heads before I had finished my sentence, all of them saying that the money was mine.

"It is ours," I said to Christian. "As your wife, what is mine is now yours. I did tell my mother that if I did find a bull, I would get a friend for Daisy though."

That brought laughter from all around, all agreeing that would be a suitable purchase and a nice addition to the family although an extra car would be needed. I had the funds now, I just hoped although I should probably expect it, that we do not receive the same reception at the next bank as we received in Olympia.

…

"I wanted to speak to you about something Ana" Christian whispered when we were in bed that night. "It is actually something that I had spoken to my father about on the morning of our wedding."

"And what is that," I asked him.

"The barn.

"The barn" I repeated.

"Yes, the barn. It will always be a special place to us both having our wedding there but I was thinking it could be much more."

"What do you mean."

"I mean about turning it into our home. It is not the best place, setting up home in the barn but the walls are thick and sturdy, it has water, heat when the fires are burning and additional walls could be added inside. We could add windows to the sides as well as blocking up the doors to the animal sheds unless we wanted additional guests for breakfast. It would keep out the smell too. There is nothing to say, we could not build out either, make it bigger when we needed more space. It is just an idea" he spoke, his words getting faster all the time as his nerves hit. As if I would ever say no.

I silenced him with a kiss, one that had me moved on top of him.

"I think it is a brilliant idea Christian. To live in a place that is so special to us would be perfect."

His hands came up behind my head, pulling my face down to his. As our lips started to move together, our bodies did so too once I had lowered myself down onto him.

I made love to my husband instead of the other way around this night. It was me bringing Christian the pleasure that he always brought me. As he reached his peak, my kisses stole his moans and he took those that left me too.

…

When Christian found me an hour outside of Spokane, our first stop of the year, I was having tea with Clifford and Dotty. Clifford was excited for what we had spoken about, nervous too at having never really worked closely with the animals except for Dotty who was sleeping on my knee. I assured him that everything would be just fine and there was no softer, calmer animal around than Daisy.

When we made our way back towards our carriage, Christian and I could see those who had come out to see our arrival as the train snaked into town. Another group would have arrived here two days ago, those came to announce our arrival and to put posters up all over town. I had seen the posters, they were beautiful depicting the different acts that would be in the show. There were also ones of Daisy and me, they would only go up though when Daisy and I were ready to show our act in the ring.

When the train stopped, steam billowing and whistle blowing, there was no doubt that everyone for miles around knew that we were here.

"That is one way to make an entrance" I laughed, seeing parents trying to hold back their children from running towards the train.

"No, you will make our entrance in this town Ana, you and Christian," Carrick told us, his excitement palatable that we were back with the circus once again.

"I look forward to it," I told him, Christian nodding too.

"Make sure your tails are ready then son, as I will not be out there."

"What do you mean, you always do the welcome" Christian replied.

"I do but you looked so good wearing your tails on your wedding day, it seems a shame to put them away again. I believe it is time to pass over some of the responsibilities of running this circus to you, starting with the most important, entertaining the crowds. I will still be in the ring tomorrow night but I think you should do all the welcomes from now on."

I could feel the excitement radiating off my husband as he held me close, his arm around my waist. Christian was a showman, he could command a crowd like no other with the cats, not even his father could get them to do that.

"Could I walk with Daisy?" I asked them.

"You want to walk during the welcome" Carrick asked me.

"Yes, I know me sitting atop of her is what most like to see best but maybe I could walk with her and she could either lay down in the road so I could get onto her or."

"She can pick you up like she usually does" Christian added with a laugh.

"You can do whatever you want out there as long as it gets people buying tickets. I will leave the details up to you. How are you feeling about your act Ana?" Carrick asked me.

"I need a lot of practice and I have asked another member of the circus to be a part of it."

"Christian?" Carrick enquired.

"No, not me. You will have to wait and see what Ana has in store for us so no peeking in the top while she is practising."

"I look forward to seeing it then," he told us, leaving with a smile.

"Will he be disappointed if my act is not shown for a while?" I asked Christian.

"No Ana, never. They love that you want to be a part of the circus, no matter what that part may be. Above all else, they are happy that you left to be with me, deliriously so that you are now my wife."

"Do you think he will peek?" I asked.

"He may try, so we will have to have the cats guarding the top" he laughed.

We left our carriage to stretch our legs and enjoy the fresh air after days on the train. I could see the crowd of people who had gathered to watch the top being set up, hear our animals too who were eager to get out and stretch their legs too.

"Do the animals have to stay in there until the tent is set up, I think Daisy wants out?" I asked Christian.

"She out of them all has the littlest space," he told me looking around. "We could get her out, stretch her legs over there," he told me, pointing to the fence that had been set up around the camp.

"Alright, If you get the ramp down, I will get her out," I told him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, making sure I was alright on the uneven grass.

"Yes, I have a soft landing if I fall."

"That is not funny Ana, I do not want you to fall."

"I know, believe me, I have fallen on harder surfaces than this over the years. To lay in the grass is actually nice when it is a little warmer that is."

"I will take you on a picnic when we reach our third stop. It is nice there, a little like home, surrounded by trees. The spring flowers should be out then so we can lie amongst them. For now though, please stay upright."

"I will, do not worry. I look forward to our picnic" I smiled, placing a kiss to his lips.

I stood back, watching while Christian opened the car door and with the help of Luke, put the ramp into place. I was not alone while I waited, I was joined by Elena who offered me her arm for support.

"How are you, my child. I feel like I have not spoken to you properly since your beautiful wedding."

"Do you mean about coming face to face with that man?" I asked.

"What else."

"Relieved, happy he is gone. I do not know what happened to him when he was removed from the bank, I just hope he is gone for good. My mother told me she was going to visit Dr Flynn though once she had visited my sister in Montesano. As she is still married to that man as their divorce is yet to be finalised, he can also speak to her about where he is and what will happen to him next. I hate him, am I a bad person to say such words as that" I asked, looking at Elena's face, knowing she above most others would know what having a father like that is like.

"No, I know hate, I felt it for a long time for my father. Do not let it consume you though. Have your moment and then move on otherwise you stop living. My father does not rule my life just like your father does not rule yours."

"I know. Seeing him there, the state he was in, it made me realise without his money, without his power, he is nothing but the bully I always knew him to be. Watching Christian put him in his place, the manager in the bank too, I felt proud to be his wife."

"I believe Christian feels the same way about you. From what Grace has told me, you stood up to them both just as well."

"We make a very good team," I told her, seeing her nod before I called out for Daisy to come to me.

I could hear the excitement of the crowds as Daisy walked down the ramp at her leisurely pace. By my side, Elena walked with me towards the fence where the crowd was gathered, giving Daisy more space.

"Can we touch it?" a woman asked, awe filling her voice to be so close to this beautiful girl.

"If _she_ will allow you to," I told her, making sure she knew Daisy was a girl and not an it.

Daisy at the moment was too busy sniffing Elena to worry about anyone else which made my friend laugh.

"I do not have any," Elena told her, knowing that peanuts were what Daisy had been looking for so Daisy like always started sniffing them out.

"What is she looking for," another woman asked, touching the tip of Daisy's trunk as it came up to the fence.

"Peanuts" Elena and I said together before both letting out a laugh.

It was a small boy who had the peanuts Daisy found who then spent a happy time feeding her one at a time. Only when he told her he had none left did she finally leave the now very happy visitors behind and came back to my side.

"What happens if she is in the ring and someone has peanuts, would she rush at them," a man asked in a bored tone, wishing no doubt that he did not have to stand here with his excited wife and child.

"No, she is here because we allow her to be here. If I had not allowed her to come closer she would have stayed put, wouldn't you girl" I asked, rubbing my hand down Daisy's face.

I received a trumpet of a reply before seconds later, I was lifted from the ground. Placing a kiss to the top of her head from where I now sat on her back, everyone could see we were a team.

"I am so glad she does not do that to me, I might lose my breakfast" Elena laughed.

"She might if I asked her nicely" I replied as Daisy lifted one of her front legs to make it easier for me to get down.

"She would lose her trunk if she tried to lift me."

"Oh shush you, you weigh nothing at all….Daisy" I spoke quietly. "Lift Elena into the air."

Hearing my words and knowing my command, her trunk wrapped around my friend. Elena was only lifted a few feet but I had proved my point on both counts. Daisy followed the words I spoke and Elena weighed not much at all.

"Are you all having fun?" Christian asked, coming over to us. I believe he was speaking to Elena and myself as Daisy put Elena down but hearing the crowd's reply as well, that would do too. "If that is the case, you will see more of Ana and Daisy during our parade tomorrow," he told the happy crowd.

Leaving the crowd behind, most who I believe was here to stay as the circus was set up, I walked holding onto Christians arm while Elena walked by my other side. Daisy was behind, her trunk on my shoulder, letting me know she was there too.

….

While the circus went on during the evenings, the days had me practising in the ring. My act was not performed at the first town, or the second either, I was not ready then, needing more time to get my strength up especially while I was in the hoop. I did not want to just sit in it, I wanted to move my body too. Elena and the girls came in handy with that, showing me the best ways to move. The dances they taught me were not seductive like they do on the stage, but more to loosen my body up and make sure that when I was up in the air, I had the attention of those that were around. Andrea and Ariana helped me too, showing me how best to use the hoop. They were especially helpful with showing me how to get out of the hoop in a graceful manner instead of just plopping myself down on top of Daisy.

Throughout, Christian was there cheering me on. We did, in fact, have the cats in the top with us as not only was Carrick eager to see what we had planned but others were too. Knowing that they would come face to face with a protective cat, especially if that cat was Hera, made those who were not welcome at the moment, back away.

"Are you sure, there is no pressure" Christian told me as he lay back with me in the grass.

"More than sure. I am ready Christian" I replied, turning on my side so I could see him and stroke his face.

We were in California and it was a beautiful spring day, the remnants of our picnic laying on the blanket beside us. It was quiet here up in the hills above the town we were playing in, although you could hear the occasional trumpet or roar.

"How is your foot," he asked me.

"Despite walking up here, it is actually alright at the moment. Please do not worry, I will not push myself. Daisy is a soft landing and I am more than happy to stay atop of her if I do not feel up to walking out of the ring."

"We have to walk back down yet," he said, with a smile, pulling me closer to him so my head lay on his chest.

"Like Daisy, you could always carry me on your back," I told him, feeling his body shake below me with his laughter.

"I would carry you anywhere Ana, anywhere."

"I know you would" I whispered, bringing my lips up to his.

We both got lost in our kiss, both knowing how easy it would be to let go in this moment. Making love up here would be nice if no one was around but I did not want either of us to be sent to prison for indecency.

Instead, once we had broken apart to take a much-needed breath we packed up the basket and started our way home.

Reaching the circus ground, Christian walked me towards the girl's tent where I would be getting ready for this evening. Before leaving me to go and speak to his father about this night show, Christian kissed me once more before I stepped inside.

The girls were in various states of undress, a fact I barely noticed any more. Like they were not ashamed of their bodies, neither was I. Only Christian saw mine though.

"Ana, did you get a letter," Leila asked me as she pulled up her stockings.

"Yes, I did" I replied with a smile.

There had been no letter for me at our last stop and I think they all worried just like me. Receiving my mother's letter this morning, reading her much needed words did bring me some relief.

"I am glad, you can stop worrying now."

"I will always worry for my mother just as she will always worry for me. She is well though, finally rid of that man and from the way my sister treated her on her last visit, rid of her too."

"She was cruel to Carla," Susie asked, her smile turning to a scowl with my nod.

"Yes, she took the money my mother gave to her, gave it to her husband to spend I hear. My sister enjoys her life with no responsibilities, not having to worry or think for herself so instead of seeing sense and listening to my mother's words, she had the cheek to ask the woman who gave her life to leave before slamming the door in her face."

"Is she alright?" Elena asked me.

"My mother is strong, and I think in a way she knew Katherine would behave just like that. I know my sister's behaviour hurt her but as my mother stated in the letter, she has to live for herself now and those who want to be a part of her life. Susan went to Montesano with her although she did not go to Katherine's house. Unlike my sister and me, my mother and aunt are very close and stick together no matter what life throws at them."

"We could all see that," Elena said with a smile. "Now for another strong woman, elephant or floor," she asked me as I sat in the chair in front of her, looking at my reflection in the large mirror before me.

"Floor," I replied excitedly.

I would stand by Daisy's side this evening when I finish my act and the dress that Elena brought forward for me would give me more movement when I walked to do just that. Sitting atop of Daisy, the other dress would do but this one with a slit up my leg would give me more freedom to move.

…

As I stood at the back door of the top, hearing the excitement from the crowd, all currently cheering at having all three cats in the ring, I took a steadying breath.

I had Daisy by my side, Grace too, both who were keeping me calm at the moment as I waited for my turn.

In my hands I held the stuffed elephant, the daisy I had made for Christian back in its hat. This elephant was key to tonight's show, it gave me the idea for why we now stood here. When Ariana came to get me so I could get into position, I finally passed the elephant over to Grace, while leaving Daisy with Luke.

"I will be back for those two very soon," I told them, before leaving with Ariana around the back of the stands where the aerialist hoop waited for me.

"Make sure your hands are secure in the loops when Jose rises you up, he likes to give me a bumpy ride."

"He will like my lunch then" I replied.

"No dinner," she asked.

"No, I think the butterflies have taken care of that."

"You will be fine and do not forget, Christian will be waiting for you."

"I know," I told her, passing my cane over before she gave me the one item that would bring my act and Clifford's together.

As I was lifted up into the air, my destination for the moment the roof of the top, a calmness came over me. As the lights were down illuminating Carrick who was stood in the ring, no one who did not know I was here would have been able to see me.

I watched Clifford and Dotty come out with the clowns, knowing my time to shine was near. They did their act, gaining the much-needed laughter until it was only Clifford who remained in the ring.

Hearing the music change, rising to greet me, I took a deep breath. There was only one word that rang through my mind now, one word that made my smile grow wider still.

"Showtime."

**Thank you for reading. **

**I apologise for the lack of update last week. We lost one of our dogs Bella last Monday and it has really hit my children and me hard. My mind and my heart have been on her and her brother Jasper who is struggling with her absence probably more than we are.**

**Ana and her elephants will be in the ring next chapter.**

**Until then, take care. **

**Caroline. **


	18. Chapter 18

CPOV

You could feel the excitement in the air, see it too on the faces of my family, our circus family who seemed to have filled every available space between the seats as they waited for Ana's act to begin. My parents had been first to find their spot once the clowns had left the ring, leaving only Clifford behind as was usual, who always finished off their act. My parents were quickly followed by Elena and the girls too.

We had all been waiting for this day to come, none more so than my wife who was high above me at the moment, waiting for her time to shine.

We watched as Clifford looked for his hat, one that was intentionally missing from his head at the moment. Realising he could not find it, he went over to my father, shocking him as he plucked the top hat from his head, causing everyone to laugh.

As Clifford moved around, showing everyone the hat he then placed it into a wooden box. Getting ready to do a magic trick, he tapped the box with Ana's cane and upon opening it, my father's hat had disappeared leaving Clifford's hat behind.

Clifford was happy then and I had to laugh at my father's face when Clifford took his bow. His reaction was priceless, having not realised yet that this was part of Ana's act.

"Does anyone have a hat handy, our ringmaster seems to have lost one" Clifford called out to the crowd which burst into more laughter, especially when Clifford started whistling as if he had done nothing wrong.

When a little girl called out that he should check the box again, Clifford decided to do just that. He looked inside the box before picking it up to show nothing was inside. Tapping it once more, he opened it, a smile appearing on his face but once again, laughter burst forth when from the box he pulled an elephant in a top hat, one quite a bit smaller than what I had given to Ana.

My father knew then that this was all part of the act, and although he was still minus his top hat, he relaxed and enjoyed what was to come.

Clifford walked over to my father, trying to take the tiny top hat off the elephant so he could put it on my fathers head. Upon giving up, he walked toward the little girl, giving the small elephant to her instead.

He repeated his trick, tapping the box with Ana's cane once more and that was when Ana's elephant appeared. Throwing his arms up in the air in mock frustration, he thankfully gave the elephant to my mother for safe keeping. I did not know how he was making that box work, I have asked many times over the years only to be told it was magic. There would be no magic needed for the next elephant though as Clifford made out that he had an idea.

"If a tiny elephant has a tiny hat and that elephant had one a little bigger. What we need is an elephant bigger than that, the biggest one of them all" he said, having everyone's attention. "Do you know this circus has its own elephant. Shall we make her appear and see if she is wearing a hat our ringmaster can use."

"You do not have a box big enough" a man called out to him.

"Oh sir, I do not need a big box, this one will do. I can magic something so stupendous, something so powerful that it could make an elephant do whatever I ask. Do you know what that is?" he asked the crowd who all shook their heads.

They all waited with bated breath as I chuckled to myself, knowing exactly what would be in that box. As he pulled the peanuts from the box, the top erupted into thunderous laughter.

"Here Daisy Daisy Daisy" Clifford called out as if she was a dog. It worked though as from the back door where she was waiting with Luke, Daisy burst through the curtains, no hat on her head though.

"I believe she is missing something, um, I wonder what that is" he stated as he circled Daisy around the ring so everyone could see her.

"I believe I am missing something also" my father spoke up, smiling.

We heard Clifford ask Daisy if he could find the ringmaster's hat, it was then that she took hold of the silk in her trunk that was tied to the poles up above.

As Daisy walked around the ring, I started to lower Ana down with the rope that I held. We had others that could do this but having my wife up there where she had been for some time, I wanted it to be me who helped her down.

As she came into view, the crowd gasped at the beautiful sight that they saw. Ana was in the hoop, still slowly being moved around the ring by Daisy getting lower all the time. She did not sit still, Ana moved her body to the music that played, her arms and legs especially. She had no restrictions up there, nothing to hinder her movements and she took advantage of every moment.

Everyone had noticed now that my father's hat was on Ana's head. Some laughed, others cheered upon seeing it. When Daisy was in position below her, Ana tightened her legs on the hoop, just behind her knees. She then let go of her hand holds, falling back so her top half was upside down before she placed my father's hat on Daisy's head.

"See, now all the elephants have a top hat" Clifford called out as Ana once again sat in the hoop. No one was paying attention to him though as they could not take their eyes off my wife.

Everyone was mesmerised, myself especially as Daisy got on her hind legs and spun the hoop with her trunk. You could see the connection between them, the trust and the bond as the hoop started to be swung higher. When upon the pat of Daisy's head she took hold of the hoop sending Ana flying into the air. That is what those who watched would think but as I pulled the rope sending Ana higher, it was me who determined how high she would go.

Upon hearing Daisy's trumpet when she did it again, we both sent Ana higher than before. I could hear Ana's giggle, and I suspect others could too. She was having the time of her life up there and in front of these people, watching my Ana, they were having the best time of theirs too.

As Ana came back down this time, she had dropped back again like she did when she placed the hat that was still on top of Daisy's head. Lowering her down further once Daisy was in position I breathed a sigh of relief when very gracefully, Ana let go and was soon laying atop of Daisy.

She kissed the top of the big girls head, before riding her around the ring. Getting her to stop in front of my father, Ana leaned down placing the hat upon his head before taking Daisy into the middle of the ring.

Seeing the smile that filled my parents face, I knew they were just as happy as we were with Ana's act. Watching as Daisy held her leg up so Ana could climb down was the moment my biggest smile came as I felt nothing but pride as I watched Ana stand in the ring.

She took her bow, stood between Daisy and Clifford a beautiful smile on her face. As Ana walked out of the ring, using the cane Clifford had passed to her, she did not hide the way she walked. Ana walked with her head held high with Daisy by her side. As they moved past the curtain that separated the ring and the back door Ana waved once more before everyone disappeared from sight as the curtain came down.

"I did it, I cannot believe I did it," Ana said before letting out a squeal when I pulled her into my arms.

"You were magnificent Ana, truly magnificent" I replied.

"Can I do that again?" she asked, giggling.

"Every night," my mother told her, joining us so she could congratulate my wife.

"I would like that, thank you, Clifford," Ana told him who was being searched for peanuts at the moment.

"It should be me who is thanking you for letting me be a part of your act. You do not seem so scary after all" he told Daisy who then let out a large trumpet in his ear. "Oh, maybe you are" he laughed.

Luke took Daisy back to the menagerie while I stood holding my wife. My mother who was on next with the horses teased Ana stating she should have gone first as no one could ever top her act.

I agree because what Ana did tonight was something none of us had seen before. I think that is because it is the most anyone of us has been able to get Daisy to do.

That night was a celebration, not only of Ana's courage but her determination to succeed and not let her foot get in her way. Everyone who had been there tonight had seen Ana walk out of that ring with her cane and they had watched her walk back in again on my arm when all acts came back into the ring to take the final bow. No one cheered any less than they normally did, in fact, I believe most applauded louder. Each and every one of us has something that we keep locked away, that little part of us that we are afraid to show the world for fear of being shunned or turned away. There is no turning away in this circus, we are all on display and as Ana kissed my cheek after our final bow, I knew our love was on display too.

….

On our last full day in town, instead of Ana spending the day practising in the ring, we decided to have a walk around town. It was a first for us as Ana usually preferred the safety of the circus ground or the peacefulness of our walks which were usually in the opposite direction of the people. Today we walked towards them and if I am not mistaken, my wife walked with a skip in her step as if she was proud to be seen.

She should be, she has been magnificent every night this week and every day and night since we met. My wife will never be hidden away again, I will make sure of that.

"What would you like to do," I asked Ana as we looked this way and that down the street.

"I do not know, explore I think and see where it takes us."

She looked up to me with a smile, one I just had to kiss. I had heard comments about us circus folk being too bold before with our displays of affection for another but I did not care, I will not keep my love for Ana behind closed doors.

We made our way down the street, Ana's arm through mine. She held her cane in her other hand but as she had told me in the past with my arm for support she can use the cane for swatting annoying people away. Those we met were not annoying though, they were family.

"What have you been buying," Ana asked, Leila, Susannah and Bell who emerged from a dress shop.

"Nothing in there, they believe I think, that we do not have the funds to purchase what we want. I only want to buy it tonight so her husband can see me in it" Leila called out to the now shocked woman at the door, her nose in the air as if she was better than us.

"We will be sure to buy you a dress somewhere else," I told Ana, making sure the woman heard.

The woman looked to me and then Ana, recognition appearing on her face. Her stutters came then, especially when some came over to speak to my wife who recognised her from our show.

Ana and the girls spoke politely to these women, learning that there was another dress shop, a better one just down the street. The girls happily disappeared then, although Ana she stayed with me.

"I do not need another dress, a bigger closet maybe" she giggled and I knew she was correct.

Our small closet on the train was stuffed to the brim with items we had collected on the way.

"I will have to think about how to extend it or else find somewhere else for our clothes."

"It just needs sorting that is all. Maybe our animal clothes instead of hanging them up we can store them under our bed."

"We will sort it," I told her. "Not today though, today I have something else planned for us."

I led Ana down the street and towards the grand hotel at the bottom. Here I had booked us in for afternoon tea, something I knew she enjoyed with her mother.

"I thought we could have afternoon tea. I know this is something you did with your mother so I hope by doing this you do not think I am trying to take her place" I told Ana as we entered the hotel.

"Christian just because I enjoy tea with my mother does not mean I cannot share it with you too."

Smiling, I held Ana's chair out for her once we had been shown to our seats. Placing a kiss to the top of her head, I then took my own.

We were brought out a large pot of tea and two cups as well as a selection of sandwiches and cakes. Throughout our wonderful afternoon, we spoke about us and the family we wanted in the future as well the home that I would make for us upon our return to Bellevue. We also spoke about tonight's show and what towns and cities lay ahead.

As we left the hotel, making our way back towards the circus ground which would soon be filled with tonight's guests all waiting to go in, we met a young girl upon the way.

It was Ana who's steps faltered first as she looked to the young girl who walked with her parents, walked very slowly that is.

This girl walked with not one cane but two, both of which were helping her get to her destination, the circus. She stopped when she saw us watching her, smiling as she returned the smile that we gave. She noticed that Ana had a cane too whispering to her mother who then looked our way.

"Are you going to the circus?" the little girl asked us.

"We are, are you heading there too," Ana replied.

"Yes, I cannot wait to see the animals, the lions, the elephant and doggy too" she spoke excitedly making her parents laugh.

"It is all she has spoken about ever since the posters first went up," her mother told us. "She was too sick the last time the circus visited so she is excited to be able to go this time."

"I hope you all have a wonderful time then," I told them as we continued down the road towards the end of the very long line.

We watched them walk towards the end of the line, getting jostled by some who were too impatient to walk behind them. I could see by the sadness on Ana's face, that she herself had faced this impatience before.

"Do not worry, we will make sure they get in," I told Ana, placing a kiss to her forehead before we approached the family once more.

"I hope we can get tickets Archie" we heard the woman say to her husband, a worried look on both of their faces at how many stood waiting before them.

"We not get a seat, we not see the animals," the little girl said and I could see the tears about to come.

"You will, do not worry about that. Come with us" I told them, pointing to the gap in the fence which was being manned at the moment by Elliot and Cyril one of the roustabouts.

"Where are we going," the woman asked as the little girl started to follow us. "Emma please stop."

"We are with the circus," Ana told the family especially looking at the little girl.

"You live with them" the little girl we now knew to be Emma asked.

"We do" I replied. "This is actually my parent's circus and for tonight, my wife and I would like it if you would be our guests."

They looked uncertain for a moment until Emma looked at one of the posters that were around, one that showed a picture of myself and the cats.

"You play with the lions," she asked me and I knew if she could she would be bouncing in excitement at the moment.

"I do and they like to play often."

"Yes, especially with my boots," Ana told them laughing.

The more we spoke to them, the more they realised that what we said was the truth. Elliot gave them passes then so not only could they enjoy the attractions in the midway free of charge but they would also be found when it came time to head into the top so they could enter before others at their own pace before being shown to their seats on the front row.

…

The top was filled to capacity like every night this week, the applause deafening as I walked into the ring followed by three cats.

The older Cora gets the more she enjoys the different aspects of my act. She likes to play around, likes to climb over her parents which gains many gasps and laughs from the crowd. One thing she does not like though is when her parents jump through fire. For that part, she will lie down on the hay bales at the side as far away from the fiery hoop as possible, keeping an eye on her parents at all time.

Like always my act goes without a hitch, both adult cats jumping through the hoop without a singed hair or tail. Just like her daughter, Hera still likes to nibble on Growlers tail so I had them all in a line, Growler first as the other two held the one in fronts tail before walking them around the ring.

There was one thing I had left to do before the end of my act and for that, I decided to enlist a member of the crowd, something with the cats I had never done before. It was needed though, not just for my act but for her.

I had the cats all stop and sit down in the ring right in front of where Emma and her parents were. I could see she was itching to touch them and probably would have done so if her parents had not held her back.

"FOR THE FINAL PART OF MY ACT, I WOULD LIKE THE HELP OF SOMEONE IN THIS AUDIENCE, EMMA WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP ME."

I knew her answer but she would not move forward and neither would the cats unless her parents said yes.

"They will not hurt her," her mother asked quietly as I approached them. "She has been through enough pain."

"I understand that, my wife does especially. They will not hurt anyone despite their large size. If they were a threat, they would not be in here."

"Emma," her father asked the little girl, receiving no words just the shake of her head.

I offered my hand to Emma then, one she took as well as one of her canes. With the audience's applause, although I think most were holding their breath, Emma and I walked past the cats and into the centre of the ring.

"This is Growler, that one is Hera and this little girl, although not so little any more is Cora, their baby."

"They are so big," Emma said, smiling at the cats.

"They are, now can you do something for me," I asked seeing the nod of her head.

I led her over to where the platform was set up which although I could reach, would be high above her head. From our positions in the centre where I knelt down by her side, I whispered instructions to her for where the cats needed to be. One by one Emma told the cats to move, all who obeyed her instructions without any hesitation. Each one she had walk past her first, each one she patted on their heads before they moved to the platform above where they were soon roaring loudly.

I could hear Emma's giggles, see even her fathers tears that shone on his face. This little girl just like my wife, despite her injuries, should never be hidden away.

While the cats stayed put when Emma told them to stay, I walked her back to her seat.

"Thank you for your help," I told her to which she wrapped her arms around my legs hugging me tightly.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she replied excitedly before letting me go so she could retake her seat.

"You are welcome, Emma. I have to put the cats to bed now but keep a lookout, I believe there is an elephant around here somewhere and I think she might want to come and say hello too."

I shook her father's hand and shockingly received a kiss to my cheek from her mother. Hearing her whispered words of thank you, I smiled nodding before calling the cats down once I joined them back in the ring. We took our bows, all four of us, showing everyone there was no fear to be had here. No fear of animals, no fear of clowns and especially no fear of being ridiculed for being different. We all have our time to shine in that ring, especially special girls.

….

I kissed my own special girl not long after before she rose to the roof of the top. Her act was different tonight, more movement of her body as if she had a point to prove that just because her foot might not work sometimes, she was still beautiful and she could still command the attention of those in the top.

Clifford was still there although at the moment he was chasing Daisy around the ring after being sprayed with water. Daisy had his hat on her head and he was trying to reach having the audience in fits of laughter especially when he fell over a barrel Daisy had purposely knocked in his way, his face now full of custard pie.

As Daisy's trumpet rang to the roof up above as if she was laughing at him, it was my cue and Ana's for her to start her descent. Seeing her come into view, Daisy put her front feet upon the barrel as if reaching for Ana. I was mesmerised as always seeing the way Ana moved in the hoop, equally so as I watched the way Daisy moved Ana around. There was no silk to pull this time, this was just Ana Daisy and the hoop. As Daisy moved Ana, it was like she was on a swing reaching higher and higher all the time.

I watched Ana, I watched Daisy and I also watched Emma too. She like her parents had seen Ana's cane and seeing what Ana was doing now showed there was no obstacle that should be in her way. My wife was shining like the star that she was, landing perfectly on top of Daisy's back. Upon retrieving the hat that she then dropped down to Clifford, Ana moved Daisy to the side of the ring where Emma was sat. What had been tucked away under Clifford's hat all along was one of the smallest of elephant toys. Upon Ana's instruction, Daisy plucked the toy from Ana's hand, who then reached her trunk out to Emma before dropping the toy into her lap.

As Ana was the last act that night, we all joined her then in the ring. Like all closing nights at each town, we stood on the hay bales around the ring, taking our bow and the applause that came with it longer than we normally did. Having Ana stood by my side taking her applause as well, was the perfect ending to an amazing week.

….

"You had me nervous for a while there son," my father said as we headed into the back yard once the top had emptied and the animals had been put away for the night.

"How so," I asked him.

"Bringing the girl into the ring."

"It is not the first time, "I told him, kissing my wife's forehead who was tucked under my arm.

"No, I am just glad you did not decide to let the little girl ride one of the cats out of the ring as you did with Ana and Daisy."

I laughed at his words as for a moment the thought had crossed my mind. I do not think Emma would have minded, her parents might have been another thing though.

"That little girl deserved to be seen, to show the world who she really is and what she is capable of."

"I agree" Ana whispered, kissing my cheek.

No more was said about my visitor in the ring from my father although I heard much about it from some who had been in the midway. Elliot told us that no one had pushed Emma about as they left, no one stood in their way. There was excitement as people spoke about it, excitement too from Emma who I hear not only left with the little elephant Ana and Daisy had given to her but a large stuffed lion she was determined to hold under her arm, a gift from my parents and all of the Grey circus family.

Despite my father's initial teasing, my parents were just as pleased as I was with the outcome, a happy little girl who we all hoped would get everything she hoped and dreamed.

Like after all final nights in town, there was no activity in the girl's tent. Instead, they joined us as we all sat around in the back yard, the guitars and loud singing in full flow.

Leila was the first to get up to dance, laughing as she blamed her stumble on the uneven grass. We all knew it was the alcohol she had consumed and she was not alone. Soon Susannah was up too while sensibly Bell remained sitting on Elliot's knee.

They say good things come to those who wait, I should know I waited for my now giggling wife a long while. Elliot waited a while too but the wait was worth it especially with the smile Bell gave him before any laughter of theirs disappeared behind their kiss.

"Do you think we should pick them up?" Ana asked as we looked at the girls who were laid in the grass. Leila had her eyes closed, Susannah I think was watching the stars.

"No, do not worry, they will be safely put to bed."

As I helped Ana up the steps to the carriage, I looked back to who was still around. I think Elena will need putting to bed too, my mother as well as I watched my father, his hands over his ears as Elena, Gail and my mother all sung at the top of their voices. None was in tune but that did not matter, they were enjoying themselves and having fun which is what tonight is all about after all. Tonight was a night to relax, a night to give each other a pat on the back for a job well done.

Tomorrow we will load up the train and leave this town, moving on to the next. A new town or city awaits us, a new adventure lies ahead. To me, it is a new place that I can show Ana but more than anything it is a new set of people who will sit in awe as they watch my wife, just like I do every night.

**Thank you for reading. **

**I want to thank those who have sent me messages about the loss of my dog Bella. **

**Until next time, take care.**

**Caroline. **


	19. Chapter 19

APOV

I have said it a hundred times before and will probably say it a thousand times more before my days end but I love being part of the circus.

I love the atmosphere of opening night, the excitement of being in a new town, a new city that as a child I could have never hoped I would get to see. I love seeing the smiles on the faces of all who come, ignoring those miserable souls who complain that we disrupt their quiet lives for one week every couple of years.

There will always be those people, those who I had heard call me a freak because of the way I walk. I ignore them though because I love being different and for the first time in forever, I love being me. What you see is what you get, lame foot and all. This is me and I would never want to be anyone else.

The last town we visited, we experienced some people like that but the town we are in now, Las Vegas Christian said it was called was so unlike any other quiet town we had visited before. Although you get the miserable few, most embraced our circus here, they loved the uniqueness of our show and even after the first night, we were asked never to leave.

Christian said it was always like that when they visited this place as, like our circus, everyone was welcome here. With the applause that greeted me as I entered the top on our third night in town, I felt very welcome indeed.

My act was going to be a little different this evening, different than those I had done before. For where I normally had Daisy by my side, tonight I had the cats. Christian and I had swapped for the evening, although it was not something that was done on a whim. I had worked hard building my own act with these animals just like he had done with Daisy.

Here in Vegas, most came night after night so instead of seeing the same show every evening, a thing I do not think they would complain about, change for us was needed.

I walked into the ring with the cats behind, instructing them all to take a platform each. As always they did as they were told, earning a little treat from me.

I had them walking around, rolling on their backs and jumping through the hoops. Not feeling comfortable with the fire hoop myself and knowing Cora hated the thing, I left that part of the act to Christian.

As we all took our bow together at the end of our act, the applause filled the top. There were whistles from some of the men but I ignored it, kissing my husband who passed, taking the camels into the ring.

"You are getting so good with them" Carrick commented as I took the cats back to the menagerie.

"It is all them."

"No Ana, it is you" he replied. "If I asked them to do something apart from walk up the ramp, I suspect Growler especially would show me his rear."

I laughed at his comment, knowing he was right. It is something they have all done in the past when others have tried to issue commands.

"Just like with Daisy, we work well together," I told him as Cora wrapped her mouth gently around my arm so she could lead me over to the side of the pen where her food was kept.

She did not pull, she walked at my pace. Her teeth tickling my arm. I knew if I said no she would have let go immediately but this is all part of the fun we have.

"Keep it up" Carrick smiled before leaving me alone to feed the cats.

Knowing I would not be needed in the ring until the finale, I made my way down to the girl's tent, needing to fix the tiara I had upon my head. It had been slipping a bit during my act and I wanted it perfect again for when I got back into that ring.

I could hear music in the girl's tent although I knew no men would be in there yet. Stepping inside where it would be filled with guests later this evening, I walked through to the back where the girls got ready.

"Is anyone here?" I asked over the music that was playing.

"Sorry, I will turn it down," Elena told me.

She had been swaying to the music while putting her make up on for the night. As she turned it down, I turned it back up again and started to sway myself.

It was the most I could do while I was on the ground especially with my cane in hand but after being shown how to move my body by the girls, it was something I loved to do. My days of being hidden are over and if anyone else did see me now, there would be no blush to my cheeks.

Elena left the mirror behind, taking my hand that did not hold my cane and spun me around to the music. Our laughter must have been louder than I thought because we were joined by the other girls then, all who were soon happily dancing away.

When the song finished and the pops and crackles started announcing the next song, I finally took a seat. I had not stopped laughing especially when Leila spun Susie around so fast, she nearly ended up out of the flap in the tent.

"Did you come here to dance?" Elena asked, her hands resting on my shoulders.

"Always" I giggled. "I also came to see if you could do something with my tiara, it keeps slipping."

She took the tiara from my head, brushing through my curls. I closed my eyes, imagining my mothers face when she and the girls brushed my hair as it was something she always liked to do.

Elena placed the tiara upon my head, pinning it this time so it did not move. Thanking her with a kiss to the cheek, I left to go back to the top, arriving just in time for the finale.

As I walked back into the ring, I only had Hera with me this time. The other two were snoozing so as not to disturb them, it was just me and one of my big girls.

As Christian and I stood on the hay bales to wave goodbye, music playing loudly, Hera stood between us. Christian had my hand in his, our fingers entwined which were then lay upon Hera's back.

Our contact was constant, not only to each other but Hera too. Upon leaving the top and placing Hera back in the menagerie, my husband and I could finally relax.

"What do you want to do for the evening" Christian asked me as we entered the back yard.

"Put my foot in a bowl of hot water and relax" I laughed.

"You have been up on it too much."

"I am fine Christian, please do not worry. I enjoyed being out there with the cats, although I did have to reassure Daisy that it would not be a permanent thing. She let out a trumpet of protest when I first left her behind."

"She will be fine. I believe she likes to keep you just to herself."

"That she cannot have I am afraid as that would leave me no time with you," I told him, placing a kiss to his lips.

Many walked past us while we kissed, none stopped to speak although we did hear a whistle or two. These were friendly whistles though of those from our family, all now enjoying the calm that after the circus did bring.

When upon releasing me, Christian got down before me which made me laugh.

"Christian, you have already proposed to me and we are already wed or have you forgotten. Plus when you did propose, you were actually facing me."

"Hop on my back" he laughed as I wrapped my arms around his neck so when he stood, I was clinging to his back.

"Is that your next act in the ring, riding Christian" Elliot teased as we joined him where he was sat in the cookhouse with Jason.

I could feel the blush appear as I buried my face in Christian's back, I could also feel his body move with his laughter. I rode him often in the privacy of our room but Elliot and no others needed to know that.

"My wife has sore feet, I am just removing the pressure of the floor for a moment" Christian told him.

Finally letting me down, I took a seat opposite the men as Christian took one at my side.

"How is Bell feeling," I asked Elliot. "For that matter, how are you feeling."

"Bell is excited to be back working the stage again. Myself, I am honoured that when she leaves that tent this night, she will be coming back to me."

"Is it strange, knowing she is up there dancing for men?" I asked. "No, do not answer that question."

"It is fine little Ana. My Bell has a beautiful body and she is not ashamed to show it off. That job was what she was doing when we first met and as long as she is happy doing it, I would never say anything to discourage her. It is her body, her choice and as I said despite what reactions she will gain from those men, it will be my bed she will be sleeping in tonight."

We had some supper in the cookhouse although some liked to head into town. I hear there was a lot to do in this place especially in the evenings but for now, I was happy to stay put with Christian's arm wrapped around me.

"Here you are," Carrick said, joining us.

"Where else would we be father" Christian replied.

"Enjoying Las Vegas, spending your money in the attractions outside of these tents."

"We can hear it from here, we do not need to leave the circus ground to know what goes on outside of these tents. Besides Ana and I are going to take a walk into town tomorrow during the day, maybe experience the nightlife after our final show, that is unless our plans have changed," he asked him.

"No, no changes, not to our length of time here anyway. We will have a few days here after our final show. It will be nice to have a nights break and speaking of breaks, I want you in the ring tomorrow."

"I am always in the ring" Christian told him.

"I mean, up front and centre. As it is our anniversary tomorrow, I would like to take your mother out for dinner without rushing back. Maybe we will catch the end of the show but with the reservations, I have booked for us, we will not be back at the start."

I looked to Christian to ascertain how he felt about taking on the whole show. Seeing the smile he gave to me, there was no need to ask. This is what he was born to do, whether now or in the future, he would be the showman in this circus.

"What is the schedule for tomorrow night," Christian asked his father.

"Whatever you want it to be. You have a long list of acts who you can put in that ring, decide who and then let them know."

Introducing the acts that would be in the ring was one thing but Carrick was giving his son the chance to plan and run his own show. I could see the pride in Christian's face to be honoured with such a task, one I know will be the best evening this circus has ever had. Whatever act I have done before in this circus will not compare to being part of my husband's show.

Once Carrick left us, I took Christian's face within my hands, calming him for a moment. I could see the ideas exploding from his head, too many for just one night. There will be more nights to come, of that I have no doubt.

"Jason, will you start."

"Of course do you want me to follow the normal set or something different."

"What did you have in mind," I asked him.

"I've been working with Ed."

"One of the jugglers," I asked, still getting used to some of the names of those I did not speak to often.

"Yes, we have been working on bringing strength and fire together."

"You are not going to burn the top down," Christian asked.

"No" Jason laughed. "You know how he likes to throw those flaming torches and also his knives. We have done it a few times while he had stood on my shoulders, even while he has been stood on the chair that I held. That could be something we can do once I have carried half the audience around the ring."

"Does my father know about this" Christian asked, laughing.

"Who do you think asked us to do it in the first place. Bigger, more spectacular just do not burn the place down in the process he told us" Jason laughed.

"Ok, you and Ed are up first, followed by Ariana, Andrea, Samuel and Jose."

"All four together," I asked Christian.

"Yes, Jason and Ed are not the only ones who have been upping their acts. We are advertised as the greatest show on earth, and through my parent's perseverance and everyone's hard work we live up to that title every night. For one night only, if everyone is ready, I believe we should show everyone including my parents something different, something extra to add to our great show."

"Something better," Elliot asked.

"Who knows. The world is changing, evolving, we need to evolve too."

…

Christian was up early the next morning, leaving me to sleep in. He was excited about the new role he had been given and was going to give it his all even though it was just for one night.

I would take Daisy out into the midway this evening before leading the cats in the ring. My beautiful husband will be front and centre where he should always be.

"Has he slept?" Grace asked me as I joined her in the central area of our carriage, her focus our men outside.

"He was tossing and turning for a long while, telling me his brain would not go to sleep. Christian is taking the responsibility he has been given seriously and wants everything to run perfectly."

"It will do, we have no worries about that. Carrick has been thinking of giving him a more central role for a while now, we have to both remember though that he is only nineteen. It is not that we think he cannot do the job at such a young age, it is more we do not want to put pressure on his young shoulders. I see young men his age when I am in town, out, relaxing and having fun. We always worried with keeping him here, if he was missing out."

"That is not Christian," I told her. "Christian's fun is here, he relaxes here, more so than I have ever seen him do in town. Just like you, this circus is his life and I am honoured also to be a part of it."

"From the moment I first met you, Ana, I knew you were meant to be here, here with him. I saw a light in my son's eyes appear even after your first meeting on the road. Your father never stood a chance trying to extinguish the flame that had been lit between you two."

"Speaking of flames, Jason was telling me about his and Ed's new act."

"Yes, my husband wants this circus to be the best in the land, sometimes I question his sanity in how he goes about reaching that goal though" she laughed.

I left the carriage with Grace, both heading for breakfast in the cookhouse. Christian and I were supposed to spend this morning in town but as of this moment, I was unsure if he was too busy to do so.

Taking a seat with our filled plates at the girl's table, they were all speaking about Bell's first night.

"How was she," I asked.

"Magnificent, she had those men eating out of her hand," Elena told us.

"Where is she," Grace asked, looking around.

"I suspect she is still enchanting Elliot as no one has seen them since Elliot carried her from the tent last night after her set had finished," Leila told us.

"Yes, it was funny. He must have caught the last few moments because as soon as Bell left the stage and was in the back tent, Elliot had her over his shoulder, caveman style and took her back to his room. Neither has surfaced yet" Susie laughed.

I ate my breakfast while chatting away, wondering where my husband was. Seeing him appear with Jason a worried look on his face, soon had me on my feet.

"What is it," I asked him.

"Nothing is wrong, it is just..."

"You are needed here."

His sigh gave me my answer to which I placed a kiss on to his lips.

"I am sorry, I promised to take you out this day."

"Christian, we have time. We can go out tomorrow, or after the final show, please do not worry. For now, your place is here showing everyone how much this show is all yours and how you belong in that ring."

"What will you do," he asked me, his forehead resting against mine.

"She will come shopping with us" Susie replied, clapping her hands.

"Ugh, I would rather clean out the animal pens with my bare hands than shop" I groaned, hearing everyone especially my husband laugh.

"We will keep it to a minimum Ana" Elena stated which made all the girls laugh. Out of all of them who loved to shop, Elena, as well as Grace, were the worst.

I made Christian sit down and eat some breakfast despite him stating that he was not hungry. I know what he is like when he is busy, know it would be nightfall otherwise before he finally had a meal.

I left him with a kiss, before heading back to my carriage to collect my coat. All the girls were going into town, well all except Grace who was being whisked off somewhere by Carrick for the day.

This place was vast despite being a young town, or was it a city yet I did not know. Whatever it was I had heard of people losing their money in the casino's, their clothes off their backs too if they could bet with them.

Myself, I walked arm in arm with Elena as the girls rushed ahead to get to the stores. Only when they reached them and looked back to where Elena and I were in the distance, did they realise how quickly they had gone and apologised for leaving us behind.

"Go ahead, we will find you, besides I need to go to the post office first and send my mothers letter," I told them. "You shop, I am just enjoying the walk. Am I holding you back, do you want to go with them and I will find you" I asked Elena.

"No, no" she laughed. "The stores are still going to be there when we arrive no matter what time we get there."

With my mother's letter posted, Elena and I headed off to catch up with the girls. The store the girls had gone into had lots of wonderful things. Everything a girl of the world would need I was told by the sales clerk. She does not know that I already have everything I could ever want back at the circus ground but spotting a few items of should we say naughty underwear that I knew would drive Christian to distraction may have to come home with me.

While I waited for the girls to shop in the large store once my purchases had been rung up, I took the weight off my feet. Although taking a seat in this place may have not been the best thing to do as the assistants kept bringing over shoes for me to try on, the break was needed.

"Ana, what do you think," Leila asked, coming from the changing room barely dressed, shocking two prudish women who were looking around.

"It is lovely, it suits you. I believe you are scaring the natives though" I laughed which made her twirl around again before she disappeared behind the curtain.

Brazen, shameless and forward were words they spoke about my friend which made me angry.

"Did your mothers never tell you that if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all?" I asked as I stood before them.

"Well, I never," the older of the women said, obviously having never been spoken back to before.

"They will be with that freak show mother," the other woman said.

"If you mean the circus then you are correct. If you mean that we are freaks because we are different then we are proud to be freaks" I told them.

"Ladies" the sales assistant spoke up, stepping between me and them, as my girls came to my side.

I had to laugh as Leila and Susie were both in barely-there underwear, neither of them hiding their bodies away. Seeing my brazen friends the two women finally realised they were outnumbered and lucky for them, departed the room.

"I was beginning to enjoy this town, now not so much" I stated.

"Do not let those two spoil your time in town, they are always like that, thinking they are better than everyone else" the sales assistant told us but I knew her words were directed at me. "I have seen your show, you are magnificent."

"We can all agree on that" Susie said, wrapping her arm through mine.

"Thank you, I am glad that you liked it."

"I more than liked it. I have never seen my son smile so widely" she laughed.

"I hope you get to come again then before we leave."

"We will be, we have tickets for your closing night."

"I will look out for you then," I told her, retaking my seat while the girls went to get redressed and paid for their purchases.

We had lunch in town which was quite enjoyable, a lot of laughter to be had. Making my way back to the circus ground that afternoon I was eager to see Christian again and find out what was happening tonight.

…

"Stop fidgeting, you look perfect," I told my husband as we got ready in our room, keeping an eye on the time to which the midway was due to open.

Daisy was all ready for me, a feather on top of her head like the one I wore in my hair. The cats had been fed and were happy, all waiting for their time in the ring.

"I want everything to go well," he told me.

"It will do. What is it you are worried about."

"Giving everyone an enjoyable night. This is the greatest show on earth, I have a lot to live up to."

"Christian, this circus is in your blood, it is in your heart too. Just like your father, there is nothing that you do not know about, and nothing will go wrong."

"I love your optimism" he laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"It is not optimism, it is truth. Trust the knowledge you have learned in your nineteen years on this earth and trust those that are around you to do their jobs just as well as you will do yours and that includes me."

"You be careful out there Ana, oh, and you look delicious in that dress."

"I will let you see what is underneath it later on then when we are back here after celebrating your success."

"Ana" he groaned, his fingers moving up and down my sides as he felt the corset that I wore underneath. He would not feel the stockings or the garter belt that I wore also so he would have to wait until tonight to find them. "You are a devil and an angel all wrapped up in a perfect package."

"I am all yours" I agreed.

"Thank the heavens for that."

I made sure Christian was perfectly suited before turning us to see our reflection in the mirror. Seeing how perfectly we looked stood side by side, he placed a kiss to my lips before leading me from the carriage to start our night.

…

Daisy was perfect in the midway, making a lot of money from those who wanted a photograph with her. There were some, men especially who asked if I would be on that photograph too. I did not mind that as long as they stayed on the opposite side of Daisy. Any who tried to get closer to me were quickly swatted away with Daisy's trunk.

"You and I make a perfect team" I giggled, leading Daisy back to the menagerie. Luke who walked just in front of us had quite a large bag of money we had made which he jiggled happily.

I watched Christian come out into the centre of the ring, warming up the crowd. They hung off every word he said, especially a group of women who I know I would be swatting away myself if any of them left their seats.

My husband was gorgeous and he was all mine despite how much they tried to get his attention with their giggles and waves when he passed. Receiving a kiss from him as he was leaving the ring while myself and the cats were heading in, it was me who had their attention now.

For the start of my act, I had Hera and Cora lay on the hay bales, positioned perfectly in front of those women. I did look over seeing not one moved a muscle while I directed Growler around the ring. Hera was next while Growler took a break before I brought Cora in too. Standing in the middle of these giant beasts while they circled around me would be terrifying for some but I felt protected and at ease.

I moved the cats onto the various platforms, having them all jumping over my head. Hearing the gasps when Growler and Cora latched onto my arms with their mouth after our finale, only my smile cleared the worry from their faces. This was an act, we were a team and no one was hurt especially me. Upon leaving the ring at the same slow pace that I had entered it, I did not care if some spoke about my cane, I had achieved what I had wanted to do, put a smile on everyone's face.

When we all stood in the ring at the end, taking the final applause, I noticed Carrick and Grace's claps and cheers were loudest of them all. They were proud of their son, just as I was and seeing the smile that filled Christian's face, the happiness that it had all gone well, I know he was proud of himself too.

"To my son, the greatest showman there will ever be" Carrick spoke, raising his glass to Christian.

"It was only one night father and if I have learned anything after this one night, it is that I have a lot to learn and you have very large boots to fill."

"You were amazing Christian," I told him as he pulled me closer into his side, placing a kiss to my forehead.

"That you were" Grace agreed. "What else have you learned after tonight son," she asked him.

"That I need to stop worrying so much and that just like with my own act, everyone knows what they are doing in theirs."

"That is certainly something your father needed to learn" she laughed. "You cannot be everywhere at once no matter how much you think you need to be. Trust is number one in the circus, whether that is knowing your act, knowing that you will be caught when you fall. That just as you will protect those that are around you, trust you will be protected too. Once you relax and let some of that need to control every aspect of the show go, everything else comes easy."

"You sound like you speak from experience mother" Christian told her.

"I not only had your father as a control freak but your grandfather too" she laughed before shrieking when Carrick tickled her side. "My mother always teased my father that the needle had stuck as he kept repeating what he had to do over and over again. I have told your father that on more than one occasion too."

I laughed harder as I watched Grace get up and was quickly chased by Carrick. As Christian shook his head, trying to ignore his playful parents, I looked on hoping that when we got to their age we were just as happy as them.

…

"How did Christian like the lingerie," Bell asked me at breakfast the next day.

No matter how much I tried not to, thinking about the night before made the blush come.

"That good" Leila teased, taking a seat by my side.

"It was…. I refuse to say" I giggled myself, thinking about the night before and how Christian had reacted to my lingerie, making a mess in his trousers.

He did come later on inside me, once all his clothes had been removed especially his soiled trousers and he had made slow work of removing my lingerie. I believe it was my stockings that brought on his little accident as it was the first time I had worn them.

"Who is ringmaster tonight," Elliot asked us, taking a seat beside Bell.

"Carrick, I believe unless a change has been made," I told him.

"Christian was brilliant last night. We came in to watch for a little while before going back to our tent for the start of our show" Elena admitted.

"He was. I am very proud of my husband" I agreed.

...

My day was spent with Christian, my evening with Daisy as we wowed everyone in the ring. Upon taking Daisy back to the menagerie, I myself went back to the top to watch Grace with the horses.

It seems like such a long time ago, a different lifetime when I was afraid of horses. I know now there is no fear I need to have around them, only the people or one person who was there.

I felt Christian's arms come around my waist, I could feel the kiss he placed to the back of my head too. He would be out with the cats once the aerialist had had their turn in the ring but for now, he held me.

"I love you" he whispered into my ear before placing a kiss to my neck.

"I love you Christian" I replied, turning my head so my lips met his.

During our kiss, Christian had turned me around to face him, his arms wrapped around my waist. My own arms were locked around his neck, making sure he could not move away.

"Young love," I think I heard Grace say with a laugh as she came past us to put the horses away. Our focus was on our kiss though, my mind especially on Christian's penis which with our bodies so close together had grown hard between us.

"We should put those two in our tent, they would certainly raise the temperature level" we heard say when we finally broke away to take a breath.

"I am trying to kiss my wife here and it is like having a running commentary" Christian complained which made me laugh.

His mother and Elena were laughing too, neither of them embarrassed at witnessing the display Christian and I had just given them.

"If you are going to kiss Ana like that in front of others, expect comments," Elena said, fanning her face with her hand. "I may need to go and have a lie down after seeing that."

I giggled, my head against Christian's chest. She has no room to talk as I have seen first hand the effect she has on men in that tent. It should be me who needs a lie down.

When Christian had finally relaxed his body so he could leave my side, I was left alone with Elena, Grace having headed back to the train carriage so as to get changed out of her dress. Christian passed us moments later, heading into the ring with the cats to start his act. As always Cora wanted me to go where she goes so she gripped hold of my arm.

With soft words and a pat on the head, she finally released me before going to join her parents in the ring.

"Amazing" Elena said, holding my arm up and seeing not even the tiniest mark.

"Along with Daisy, they are the softest animals here. Do not get me wrong, I love Bob and Ola but they are too temperamental for me to command in the ring."

"A camel is more temperamental than a lion," she asked.

"Every day of the week."

As the show closed and we waved our goodbyes to all that had come, I was happy to be off my feet. I was sat on the steps up to our carriage, my husband by my side. I could still hear all those that were in the midway but here in the back yard it was quiet. The only noise around back here came from the music played in the girl's tent. It was quiet for now, soothing at its volume as of this moment it was not open yet for paying guests.

"Are you tired my love" Christian asked me.

"A little, it has been an exhausting albeit enjoyable week so far."

"Only one more night and then we will move on to start another exhausting week, although we do have a few days off here before then" he laughed.

"Do you think you will ever tire of moving from place to place?" I asked him.

"No, why Ana are you" he replied, worry marring his beautiful face.

"Never Christian. I love the excitement of what will come next, what sights we will see. Above all else, that excitement is because I get to see it with you."

"There is so much more of this country of ours to see, still so many places that I am yet to visit too. The more railroads they build, the more places we can get to so who knows where we will end up next."

"Wherever that will be, I will be there with you" I spoke, placing my hand to his cheek before I brought my lips to his.

"See they are at it again" we heard before laughter filled our ears.

"Oh to have that," another said.

Breaking apart to see not just Elena but all the other girls there with her this time brought on a comment from me.

"Do you ladies have nothing better to do that gawp at my husband and me. Do you not have some other place to be, some part of your body you need to shake so I can continue to devour my husband's lips in peace."

Christian barked out a laugh, pulling me closer to him as the girls laughed too.

The girls were about to go towards their tent then when a whistle rang out across the back yard piercing the silence, a whistle from the front gate, one whistle that once again had everyone on edge.

I felt my stomach drop, my heart clench at what trouble was out there now.

When Christian told me he had to go and see what it was, my grip on him tightened.

"It will be alright Ana, I just need to go and see what is going on."

"Please be safe," I told him.

"I will, ladies do not leave the back yard," he said, addressing us all before he rushed towards the opening in the top that would lead him towards the front and the trouble.

"It is probably some drunk or some pompous arse who does not want us here," Leila said as I wished what she said to be true.

Feeling my skin prickle, my stomach churn, I tried to control my erratic heartbeat especially after the last time the whistle was blown. My heart did not calm though especially when a couple of men stepped from the gap in the tent where Christian had entered only moments before.

"You are not to be back here" Elena stated, standing in front of all the girls.

"We apologise, there is a riot going on out there and we ran this way to get out of the way" one spoke walking forward.

Elena not trusting anyone stepped in front of us all, blocking their paths. We were soon joined by other members of our family who did not appreciate outsiders being in the back yard either.

By Merlin, Ed and others they were quickly escorted back towards the top. There was no anger or animosity towards them, although suspicion about their appearance remained. Everyone here is protective of the back yard, never allowing any strangers into their space. Except me, that is, who was welcomed with open arms.

Silence surrounded me again for a few seconds before a shriek was heard from the cookhouse, the smell of burning greeting me.

I knew Gail was there and I had never known her to burn anything before. Seeing the smoke though, I shouted out for help.

It was Merlin who appeared first, shouting to the others when I pointed in the direction of the cookhouse. The fire bell rang out then over the circus yard bringing others with it.

Deciding that I could do nothing in the cookhouse and that the fire would probably be out before I reached it at my slow pace, I headed towards the menagerie.

I know that if the animals could smell the burning as I had that panic might set in. I wanted to be in here also so I could get them out at a moments notice should I need to do so.

I could see their agitation as soon as I entered, hear the trumpet and growls. I tried to calm them as best I could with my words but as I heard footsteps behind me, their noises only got worse.

"Look at you," I heard behind me, hearing the voice that as a child haunted many of my dreams.

Turning around, I came face to face with my tormentor for most of my life.

"Why… why are you here, why have you come?" I asked my father.

"To take you home, to end this charade and deal with your nonsense once and for all."

"You set the fire, you could hurt, even kill someone" I whispered hearing shouts and screams from outside.

"My son in law set it actually, my true son in law, not that boy you supposedly married" he laughed.

"Do not speak about my husband like that" I spat at him, stepping closer to the animal pens.

The animals were loud and I knew if there was not so much commotion going on outside then someone would hear and come and investigate.

He was blocking my only path out of here at the moment, the way I had come in. My only other escape route was through the cat's pen, and then through the top but what then, do I leave Daisy behind, the camels and horses too. No, I could not do that, I would keep him calm and hope that someone would come to help me.

"I also came for the money."

"It is gone, I gave it back to those who you stole it from," I told him, seeing anger fill his face.

"If that is the truth then I will take the money your grandparents left for you. Your sister was only too happy to share hers, yours I will take all from you."

"That is gone also" I lied. "It was spent on my home, a home for me and my husband."

"A home, you spent it on property, I see no property here" he spat at me.

"For winter" I stuttered, especially when he set down the oil lap he had been holding on top of a bale of hay. It if fell over and touched the hay, the cookhouse would not be the only thing in flames this night.

"You never were a good liar Anastasia but I suppose being here you have changed. Look at you dressed like a two-bit whore, showing your flesh to anyone who wants to see it."

"If you are looking for a whore, you should be looking for me. Then again you know that as you had been to more than one of my girls shows over the years" Elena spoke up over the animal's noises, entering the menagerie from the top side.

"I do not want to speak to you, leave now," he said angrily at her.

"No, it is you who needs to leave. You have no right being here, no right trying to upset one of my girls" Elena told him as she was joined by Leila and Susie. Bell I had seen also but she must have run off to get help for us.

"Your girls, that is about right. Selling yourself just like the other whores" he spat, nodding to my friends.

I had tried to stay calm but I had had enough of his nasty words against my family and I certainly told him so.

Walking closer to him, my cane raised I brought it down on the barrel in front of him which contained some of the animal feed.

"Get out, leave and never come back here again. This is my home and I will not allow you to violate it."

"Remember who you are speaking to child," he said, his eyes flicking between my face and my cane.

If he tried to reach for it, tried to break it as he had done with my old one, I will be sure to hit him with it.

"I am speaking to an intruder, not forgetting a thief. There is no place for you here so you have two choices, leave of your own free will or I will let the cats out and they can deal with you."

He looked to me before looking to the cats and also Elena and the girls. Watching Hera let out an angry roar as she stood on her hind legs looking at my father, I think she would happily see to him.

"I will leave," he said, facing me again. "You though will not" he spoke, picking up the oil lamp before throwing it onto a bale of hay in my direction, igniting it immediately.

I let out a shriek, rushing forward as fast as I could and cursing for the first time my lame foot. While Elena and the girls rushed to let the horses and camels out, smacking them so they would run from the tent, I opened the cat pen.

It was hard to see in here now and the smell of burning and smoke filled the air. Opening Daisy's pen, I smacked her bottom for her to move and that was when I felt myself pulled back.

I thought he had gone, being the coward that he was, I thought he had run from the tent. He was here though and being this close to him now, he looked deranged, a look of crazed anger I could see in his eyes before my sight shook when I felt something hit my head.

I could not breathe at that point, I wanted to be outside with the animals who I knew seeing them run for the exit, would be safe. I wanted to be with Christian, I wanted him to hold me and make the pain I was feeling now go away.

My cane that was in my hand, I knew the one shot I took hit him. Hearing his cry of pain, it was me who felt pain then as he hit me again, my cane pulled from my hand and thrown away.

I had done nothing to this man, nothing to warrant the hate I have always felt from him even as a small child.

I could hear shouting grow louder now, Elena's voice the loudest. I could feel the heat of the fire too although the air was leaving me as he gripped my throat. Trying to keep my eyes open, I tried to move my body but I felt like I was floating until the pressure on my neck was removed.

Shouts, grunts, trumpet and roars were the last noises I heard before a loud crack seemed to shake the ground around me and then silence once more.

It seemed as if time had slowed and all sound had ceased as I watched my father fall to the floor. I could feel a grip on my arms before my body was lifted as I was carried out of the burning tent, out into the fresh air although it did no good, I still could not breathe. Before long, I was being laid upon the grass by Daisy I think.

I felt Christians hands on my face, I could see his mouth move but still, the silence continued. Knowing that I was safe now, that he was alright too, I finally closed my eyes to sleep.

**Thank you for reading. **

**I had debated on whether to post this now or when I had finished the next chapter which would probably be towards weekend as you know how much I hate cliffhangers. I decided posting something was better than having a long break again. I have started the next chapter but it is nowhere near finished. I will put it up though as soon as I get the time to write and get it done.**

**We will have the aftermath of the fire and how Raymond came to be there next chapter. **

**Until then, take care.**

**Caroline.**


	20. Chapter 20

CPOV

I had rushed from the back yard, towards the front gate seeing a mob of people there. Some I had seen enjoying our show earlier, still dressed in their best clothes. Others were dressed in scruffy, dirty clothes like they had spent a long time travelling in them.

"WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT" My father shouted over the roar of the angry crowd, that he was keeping back from entering the circus ground with a line of roustabouts.

"I know she is here" I heard a man shout as Elliot and I got closer.

"Who is here," My father asked the man.

"My daughter,"

"What is your daughter's name. If she is lost here, we will help you find her" I asked.

"Find her, you took her" he spat at me.

"What, what are you talking about."

"Last year when you were back here, when you left she left too. You charmed her with this life only to take her away from me."

"Sir, I do not mean to appear rude but that is not the truth. We work on a two-year rotation, so the last time we were here was two years ago, not last year" I told him which stopped his words, making the other men he had obviously asked to be here, turn to him for the truth.

"They took her, I know they did," he said getting angry now.

"Sir, I can assure you we were not even in this state last year. That is why we do a two-year rotation as it can take so long to tour the country" my father told him.

I watched this man, seeing him fluster his words, a fact that made me nervous. His words, what he was speaking about could have been about Ana. I knew it was lies that tumbled out of his mouth then as his story was changing by the minute making me doubt he had a daughter at all. I was just about to inform my father of my suspicions when we heard the fire bell ring out.

"GUARD THE GATE" my father called out to all that were around before he started running after me. As soon as that bell had rung, my feet had started to move, knowing in my gut that the man out front was connected to that bell.

Emerging in the back yard, we could see flames coming from the direction of the cookhouse and that is where we all ran to. All throughout I looked for Ana but could not see her.

"She will be with the animals" my father called to me as we bucketed water from the small stream nearby, hoping that the fire cart that we could hear approaching would get here fast and this would be out before it reached the main tents.

I saw him then, recognised him from Ana's description although I had never seen the man's face before this moment. I had seen the same smirk on one other's face though and it hit me at that moment just who else was here.

I should have known that as the fire bell continued to ring, there would be more.

"ANA" I screamed, dropping my bucket as I spun around to try and find her.

"Christian," my father said, gripping my shoulder.

"Raymond is here," I told him. "GRAB THAT MAN" I screamed before I started running towards the menagerie.

The cookhouse always being at the end of the circus ground was tucked away around the side of the top. As I was about to emerge fully into the back yard where I could see all that was going on, I nearly knocked Bell over in my haste to find my wife.

"Menagerie, there is a man in there," she said out of breath.

I did not respond to her, I could hear her though, shouting for more help to come. The closer I got to the menagerie tent, I was greeted with agitated animals and also flames coming from the top.

I could see the girls pulling someone from the tent. Elena who was struggling to breathe on the floor. I was about to run into the menagerie when Daisy, Growler and Hera appeared.

It was my breath that was gone as in Daisy's trunk she carried Ana while both cats gripped her arms. I found Cora lay beside the train carriage as far away from the burning tent, Ana's boot in her mouth.

"Ana, Ana please keep your eyes open, please stay with me," I spoke to her, my hands cradling her face. "No, no, open your eyes, please wake up," I cried.

Hearing cracks and bangs from the burning tent, I gathered Ana into my arms, moving us over towards the train. My father despite Elena complaining she was too heavy, picked her up and moved her closer to us.

I heard someone beside me then as I tried to wake Ana, my body starting to protest at the man who was touching my wife now, wanting to push him away. My mother's hand on my shoulder calmed me as she spoke that he was a doctor who had been visiting the circus with his family and had come to help.

I watched him move his fingers from her neck to her wrist, watched as he checked her breathing. He declared both Ana and Elena needed to be in a hospital so leaving our burning home behind, that is where we headed to next.

Ana had taken in a lot of smoke they told me, add to that the injury to her throat and she was struggling to breathe. I could see the finger marks he had left on her beautiful skin, wanting to kill him myself for even being in her presence. How he happened to be there, at the moment I do not know but I will find out. He was committed to a supposedly secure hospital. He did not stay there though, why.

On our second day in this hospital room, we were visited by Elena and the girls. They were all visibly upset at seeing Ana still sleeping, wanting to hear her laughter as much as me.

"He said some horrible things to her, words a lady like Ana should have never heard" Elena spoke, stroking my wife's hand before she brushed her tears away.

"He has been saying words he should have never been saying to her, her whole life. I had hoped I could save her from that" I whispered.

"You have Christian, you gave her a life, a real life away from being a prisoner in that room."

"She is correct" we heard from the doorway as I turned to see my mother and Carla stood there.

She quickly moved over to my side, looking down at her sleeping daughter. Refusing to brush the tears away that fell, Carla looked to me, a look of pain and agony I had seen on my Ana's face so many times before, all caused by that man.

I pulled Carla to me, letting her sob on my shoulder as there was not a dry eye in the room. We sat then, waited as a family for Ana to come back to us.

It was a cough that alerted us to Ana waking the next morning, a loud hacking cough as if she yet again struggled to breathe. Opening her eyes, she looked around the room before turning onto her side and vomited all over the floor.

"Better out than in," her mother told her, rubbing her back as I held Ana's hand.

"Hurts," she said, her words but a whisper.

"I know Ana, it will get better" I spoke, kissing her head before she yet again vomited.

Her doctor came in, realising quickly that there was no shooing us from the room. Unless Ana felt uncomfortable with us being here while the doctor spoke of her condition her mother and I were staying put.

"Where is he, Elena, the animals" Ana asked, panic filling her voice once the doctor had left us.

"They are all fine. Elena is resting, look."

I pointed to a chair where Elena was sleeping in the corner of the room. She still had a barking cough one she says annoys her but also one she will get used to. She had air in her lungs and her family was alright and that is all she needed.

"Where is he" Ana whispered.

"Gone, you will never see him again."

"He was there when I entered the menagerie. I did not see him at first until he stepped out, the animals though, they were agitated by his presence. I thought… I thought it was because they could smell the fire" she told me before letting out a hacking cough.

"Easy Ana, take a sip of water."

I held the cup, moving it to her lips so she could take little sips. Upon telling me she had had enough, I put it back down, taking hold of her hand once again.

"Thank you…. His eyes, they were crazed, struggling to focus, I had never seen such evil in them before. I mean I was a source of amusement for him growing up but that man there in the menagerie it was like a stranger was in the room."

"He was supposed to be in a secure facility, only family visits on certain dates," Carla told us, brushing a tear away. "Oh Ana, it was Katherine, she is the cause of all this. As we are no longer married and she is the only family he says he has, she took on the role of his next of kin, removing him from the hospital. She should not have been allowed to though, he was placed there by the courts so either someone has messed up or been paid to look the other way. Either way, it nearly resulted in the death of my daughter" she cried.

"Mother please, I am here, I survived," she told her tiredly as she cuddled into my side where we sat on her bed.

"I will thank the lords for that Ana, sleep now, get some rest."

"You will all be here" Ana mumbled.

"Do not worry my love, you will never be out of my sight again."

"Mine either" Carla added before kissing her sleeping daughters forehead.

As my wife slept, a steady stream of visitors came in and out of the room, all to check on her condition. Each shuddering breath she took, although painful for her, let me know that Ana was with me. I could have easily lost her and I think I would have if he had not been stopped. He attacked his own daughter, hurt her so much that she struggled for breath. If he was not already dead, I would kill him myself.

When Ana woke up later that afternoon, the only thing she wanted to know about was the fires. What was gone, was anyone hurt and if anyone was dead.

She shed a tear when I told her the top itself was gone although we managed to save most that was inside. Despite the fire being put out as we all protected the home that we loved, it was too damaged to be used again. The menagerie where the main fire had been was gone, nothing could be saved in there. The animals were alright and that is what mattered most to us although Hera has a few singed hairs and Daisy, a small burn. I will not tell Ana about those yet, because I know she will want to see them immediately and she, herself needs to get better first.

Luckily apart from the small injuries to the animals, there were only a few people with small burns. They were mostly from the tent as it burned, small cinders that dropped down from up high.

Who was dead, only one although at this moment, I wish it was three. Raymond's body was pulled from the menagerie before it completely burned to the ground and hearing from my father how Katherine screamed for her own father despite knowing what he had done and what she had a part in, I wish she had been in the burning tent too.

Ana was able to leave the next day, although she was put on rest. Before we left the hospital, I passed Ana something my father had given to me.

"It is a little singed," I told her. "The daisies are a little darker than when I first carved them."

Giving Ana her cane was the first time the tears had come. Pulling her into my arms, she sobbed into my chest soaking my shirt.

I heard the door open but I did not address our mothers who entered, both who had tears on their faces. Instead, I continued to hold my wife.

"I am sorry" she mumbled, lifting her head from my chest as she tried to brush the tear stains away.

"Do not ever apologise for crying Ana, believe me, I have shed a few tears myself in the past few days."

"You have" she whispered, bringing her hands to my face.

"Of course, for a time there I thought I had lost my wife."

"Never, we refused to allow him to keep us apart when we were children and we will not allow him to have his way and keep us apart now."

"Agreed," I said before I kissed her lips.

The carriage ride from the hospital to the circus ground was quiet and long. We were at the other side of town from where our circus had stopped and despite us all usually looking out at the new places we get to see on our journey, today Ana especially focused on the inside of the carriage, her focus on me.

"Ana."

"Yes, mother," Ana answered, turning her head so she could see her mother.

"At some point, while we are here, a policeman will need to speak to you about what happened in that tent. Do not be afraid my child, never be scared, to tell the truth even if your anger shows about that man. He is gone and can no longer hurt you" Carla spoke, her fingers touching her daughters face before they moved to the marks on her neck.

"I am not afraid of him mother, I was not afraid of him in that tent either. I spoke to him, letting him know just what I thought of him being in my home. His power was gone even then, leaving only the bully behind. As you told me when I was a child, bullies never win."

"They do not" Carla agreed with a sad smile.

Pulling into what once was a bustling happy circus ground, now lay rubble and cinders. If you could ignore that with our people still rushing around it would look like any normal day for packing up if there was not the smell of burnt wood in the air, that was made worse by the rain that fell.

"It is all gone" Ana whispered.

"No, not all. What was saved has already been packed away."

I helped Ana down from the carriage, wanting to get her out of the rain. It was like she was rooted to the spot though, trying to take everything in.

"Ana, come please I do not want you to get sick," I told her, taking her hand as I slowly led her over to the only tent that was still up.

This was the cookhouse, the new one as the old one burnt in the fire. This was where most spent their days, waiting for our family to be reunited, waiting for my father to tell us what we do next.

"ANA" Leila let out a squeal upon seeing my wife, her and the other girls quickly on their feet before they surrounded Ana in a hug.

I worried for a moment that they would overwhelm her but seeing the smile upon Ana's face, my worries were unfounded.

"Are you all alright" Ana asked them, knowing that not only was Elena in the tent but so was Leila and Susannah.

"You are asking us" Susannah laughed, hugging Ana tightly.

"I do not want to lose any of you" Ana spoke quietly, stopping any laughter. "He has already taken so much throughout my life, to take my family too."

"Hey, no tears, we have shed enough. We are all here, the only one who does not deserve to be in your presence is gone" Leila told her.

"I know, but look at what he took with him."

"He took a few tents Ana, some hay and a little animal food. He could not take the most important thing from us, you" I told her, pulling Ana into my arms.

"No more tears my dear, he is not worth them," Carla told her, reaching out to squeeze her daughter's hand.

"I know, what happened to..."

"Katherine and Boyce" Carla finished, those names despite one being her daughter said with such distaste.

"Yes."

"Boyce is currently in the hands of the police, Katherine although we do not currently know what her part in this was other than following those men blindly, can join her father in hell for all I care."

"Mother" Ana whispered leaving my arms to wrap her arms around her mother.

"I am sorry Ana, you do not need to hear these words but I have washed my hands of her. I tried to speak to her only for the door to be slammed in my face. Her destiny is her own now, she is nothing to me now. I only have one daughter, you."

Ana hugged her mother more tightly before pulling on my arm.

"The animals, Daisy took me out, are they alright."

"They are fine Ana. We placed them back into their animal cars, they settled better in there."

"Can I see them?" she asked.

"Of course."

Ana said goodbye to her mother for a moment as I led us back out into the rain and toward the back of the train where the animal cars were. Ana had not asked about the animals that day at the hospital, saying she was relieved that they ran to safety from the tent. She does not know that three of them instead of one went back for her but she soon will.

"I think I startled them that day, especially Daisy as I had to smack her bottom to get her to move. I have never hit anything in my life before, well apart from hitting those two with my canes. I hope she can forgive me."

"Ana, those animals love you, you belong to them just as I do. They are protective of you and they showed just how much that day. Daisy went back for you."

"I felt her, although my mind is still a little foggy about that day. I felt myself being lifted though before being carried out of that tent. The air was cooler out there away from the flames and smoke, I still struggled to breathe though."

"You saved them all Ana, just like they saved you" I whispered, running my fingers over her arms where she had only the slightest marks. "Growler and Hera" I spoke, looking into her eyes. "They went back for you too."

Ana nodded her head, her throat hoarse as the tears started to fall again as I once again pulled her into my arms. The animals could wait another few minutes as I think seeing Ana in this state will only distress them too.

Ana eventually composed herself, making sure she stroked every horse and camel, I believe checking them for any sign of injuries. Moving onto the cat car was when the noise level rose. It was like they let out a cheer as we entered, all rushing over to greet us, surrounding us in moments once the gate to the pen was closed. That gate was needed to keep the cats from having fun in the other animal car.

Ana stroked each of them, stroked all along their heads, their backs and down to the tail. Stopping at Hera's tail, Ana immediately turned to me.

"She is hurt" Ana spoke, practically hugging the lioness.

"She has been checked over, she has a few singed tail hairs and one little sore patch that should she leave it alone and stop biting it, would heal that much quicker. Daisy, she has a little sore patch too" I admitted, getting it all out there now before Ana saw for herself.

She continued to shower the cats with affection, not wanting to rush them in their need for her attention but I know Ana needed to be with our big girl. Taking their attention away from Ana, I gave them all a treat while Ana slipped into the next car.

"What has he done to you" I heard Ana say through her sobs as I joined them, watching Ana run her hands over Daisy's skin. I am surprised I could actually hear her words over the noise Daisy was making.

She had Ana back and that was all she cared about and Daisy was letting the world know.

"She will be alright Ana, she just like the other animals are as strong as their owner."

"She is sore" she whispered.

"The veterinarian said it was a burn from getting too close to the hay bales, there are also a few red spots on her back. All which have already started to heal. All, that look a lot better than they did only days ago."

"When did you come back," she asked me.

"The day after the fire. The police here wanted to speak to everyone that was near the tent at the time of the fire, who knew that man" I said trying to hide the anger I felt at Raymond Steele. "I did not want them at the hospital, I did not want anyone near to you so I agreed to speak to him here. I checked on the animals while I was here."

"Daisy, Daisy what are you doing," Ana asked as Daisy's trunk wrapped around Ana and lifted her from the floor. "You silly girl," Ana said with a smile, placing a kiss on the top of Daisy's head before she lowered her down. "Soon, Daisy, soon, I promise."

"I do not think she likes being cooped up in here" I admitted.

"Can we take her outside with us."

"They are all your animals, Ana, you can do with them what you wish."

Ana pulled the door back on the side of the car, calling to some of those that were around to help with the ramp. Thankfully the rain had turned to a drizzle now so hopefully at some point today, it will stop.

Standing in what would have been the back yard with an elephant by our side was a strange feeling. It is something I have done, hundreds if not thousands of times before but this time it is different, there was no show to put on and at present, we had no idea what came next.

As if we were taking a dog for a walk, Daisy followed us as we headed towards the cookhouse, startling all that were there with our guest. Most laughed, others looked on amused but the man who was stood speaking to not only my parents but Carla as well, he looked positively terrified to be this close to her. She is gentle, we all know that here but some judge her on her size. Seeing how she started then searching Elena for peanuts who was now closest to us, should have given an indication of what this elephant was really like.

"I have none" Elena laughed before hugging Ana tightly. She is another who I owe a great debt too as, without her and this large girl, I would have lost my wife.

"Ana, this is the policeman I spoke to you about, he would like to ask you some questions," Carla said to her, as they all approached.

"Alright, what is it that you want to know," she asked him.

He asked about his reason for being there, money being the only answer she gave. He then asked her what had transpired that had resulted in his death.

"He had his hand on my throat and I could not breathe, I remember hitting him with my cane" Ana admitted.

"Could I please take a look at your cane?" he asked her, to which she passed it to him.

Wrapping my arm around Ana's waist to give her the support she needed, I pulled her closer still, my need to protect her even from this man so strong.

"No, this is not it" he mumbled.

"Not what," Ana asked him.

"Your father was not killed by the fire Mrs Grey, he was killed by being struck to the head."

"I am not surprised," Ana told him.

"Why would you say that."

"The tent was burning around us, the poles were coming down too. I felt the ground shake while I lay on the floor trying to breathe from his assault."

"Those poles," he asked, pointing to the mass of charred wood that we had seen when we arrived.

"Yes, the whole menagerie was alight, the poles creaking up above as the fire spread upwards before they started to give way."

"I suspect being hit by one of those poles would kill anyone."

"Yes, even men who had come there to try and kill me. What of Katherine and her husband" Ana asked.

"Your sister."

"No, sir. I have no sister, not any more. I would just like to know I can sleep at night without worrying that I am going to be burnt in my bed."

"They will not be bothering anyone for a very long time, neither of them."

Ana nodded her head, cuddling into my side as the policeman announced that he had all the information he needed. Finally taking a seat as my father escorting him from the tent I was startled when my wife bolted upright.

"Ana, what is it," I asked, but her focus was not on me it was on those opposite, Elena and Daisy. Daisy was still on the hunt for peanuts and from the look of it, she was receiving them too.

Elena smiled at the big girl, placing a kiss to the side of Daisy's head. I had never seen them that close before, never really seen Elena interact with the animals. It was like a bond had formed between them, survivors who escaped that tent.

"My father was over me and then he was gone, knocked away so I could breathe" she whispered, as we both looked back when we heard Elena's laugh. "If he had been hit by a pole from above, I would have been hit too."

"You think," I asked.

"I do not know."

I had known for a long time about Elena's own father and the way he treated her. The same as Ana's father treated Ana. If she did kill Raymond to protect mine and her girl, no one would hear a word about it from me.

"What are you doing" Elena laughed as Daisy pulled one of the wooden tent spikes up, one that Elliot tried to take from her so he could put it back in place.

Hearing Carla say that Daisy would be bringing the house down in a moment, made my wife laugh. We watched Daisy swing the pole around for a moment keeping it high out of Elliot's reach. When it did go back in the ground again, it was Daisy who put it there before banging on it with her trunk.

Daisy surprised us really as she has never done that before and I hope it is something she does not do again. Watching her swing the spike around does bring a question to the forefront of my mind though. Had she ever done that before, in a burning tent perhaps to protect one that she loves? We may never know.

As the rain finally stopped and everyone gathered for dinner, Ana asked to put Daisy back. I did not stop her, I watched her climb the stairs while Daisy climbed the ramp but I was surprised when Ana emerged from our carriage instead of out the door she had gone through only moments ago.

"What do you have there," I asked Ana, seeing something tightly gripped in her hand. Taking my hand into hers, she informed me that she needed to speak to me and my parents. "Ana, what is it," I asked again, thinking something new had upset her.

"This is for you" she spoke up, placing an envelope I had seen once before in front of my parents. "For you too Christian."

"No Ana, this is yours" My mother spoke up, pushing the envelope that contained the details of the account that was set up by her grandparents back towards Ana.

"No, in that tent when he asked about the money, I told him I had spent it on my home. This is my home and at the moment because of that man, it is in need of a little repair. For the first time in my life, I finally found where I belong and I will not let him take that away from me, from all of us. You created a place where no matter where you come from, no matter how different you are, the colour of your skin or if walk a little slower than everyone else, you still belong. I love you mother and I miss you so much when we are apart but my life, my home is here."

"It is Ana, you are alive here. I do miss you, sweetheart, when you are gone but despite what that man did, I know you are safe, your heart is safe with Christian. That man will never tear you apart."

"No, he will not," Ana said, looking to me as I placed a kiss upon her forehead. "What is mine is yours, including that money."

"You would spend it on the circus."

"We would spend it on the circus, our home" she added, placing a kiss to my lips.

"We have money Ana, we will rebuild, it will just take a little time," my father told her quietly.

"Money for a new big top, money to replace everything that is gone" she replied, earning a sigh from him.

"This is your money Ana, given to you not us for you to spend on what you wish," my father said, finally picking up the envelope.

"I agree and I wish to spend it on a big top, a new menagerie and everything else for us to open the show again. I do not think I will be able to pick those things up at the store though so you might need to help me."

If this is something Ana wanted to do, I would back her all the way. I have heard my parents worries about getting the circus back on track again, I just hope my father is not too proud to accept help now.

"We have seen what is in this," he stated about the envelope. "It is a lot of money."

"This place is worth so much more than anything in there. If you are worried about spending the money, spend what is needed then to replace what is gone. The rest can stay where it is, until I find a friend for Daisy that is.

Her words brought much-needed laughter, smiles too when my father agreed to touch only what is needed.

….

Leaving the town the next morning the whistle announcing our departure, I held Ana in my arms. This town held so much fun for us, an exciting opportunity for me too but it also held a pain that I could have lost my wife here. I know that will pass in the days ahead, we had a lot to do and thankfully not a lot of time to dwell on what might have happened.

I looked over to where my parents were sitting in the main part of the carriage, chatting away with Carla. She would be travelling with us for a while to wherever we go to next. Despite not saying anything, Ana needs her mother close and Carla was only too happy to come along.

"Where are we heading" Ana whispered to me. "What are we going to do."

"New York eventually but I do not know yet about stops on the way," I told her, seeing her head turn to me.

"New York," she repeated.

"That is where we got the big top from originally. My father has sent word ahead that we are coming and are in need of a replacement. New York also has places we can set up there, buildings my father knows he can use until we are ready to travel again."

"What then, where will we go then once the top is ready."

"Wherever we want, to the stars if need be" I spoke, making my wife giggle. "We are the greatest show on Earth and we have the greatest showman leading the way so who knows what awaits us."

"There are two showmen here, both as great as the other" Ana added.

"One day" I smiled, brushing a stray hair from her cheek. "Until then, we carry on. We create smiles, dreams, a million of them. From now on, we go forward, never looking back, we rebuild the circus the way it was, or maybe better, who knows."

"I love you," Ana said, with a beautiful smile. "Whatever is to come, I am glad I am here to share it with you, my showman."

Bringing my lips to Ana's, I whispered my words of love against them before deepening the kiss. Whatever is to come from this day forth, we continue what we have done in the past, because after all the show must go on and ours is the greatest show of them all.

**Thank you for reading. The next chapter will be the final one of this story, a little look into their future. **

**With regards to if Raymond died from hand or trunk, I will let you decided.**

**Until next time, take care. **

**Caroline.**


	21. Chapter 21

APOV

_Five years later._

I could hear his laughter, see his little head as he weaved through the crowd, his destination the elephants that sat in the middle of the midway, his father too.

Trying to keep up with Theodore was a task all of its own in this large circus, what with my leg that still slows me down and my growing stomach that I tried not to bang into any of our guests with as I slowly caught up to my son.

Theodore was nearly four, his birthday happening while we were at our next stop, the closest town to my mothers home. We had planned it that way so she could spend it with him, with all of us and then like she has done many times in the past few years, she would travel on with us.

Finally stopping in front of the elephants, I could do nothing but laugh as Mud held Theodore upside down by his leg. The whole circus ground could hear my sons laughter, most other children wanting their turn too. There would be no others though as that pleasure is only reserved for my son.

"How did you like shopping" Christian asked Theodore as I received a kiss from him and a sniff from Fleur who's trunk came searching for treats.

"It was fun Daddy, Mommy found me something for my birthday but she gave it to Auntie Elena to hide so I could not see it," Theodore told him as Mud lowered my son down into his father's arms.

Seeing my boys together always brings a smile to my lips. They are so alike, not just in looks but in temperament too. Both have a beautiful kind heart, both can command an animal in or out of the ring and both are especially protective of me.

"What did you buy," Christian asked wrapping his arm around my waist once he had put Theodore down who was now speaking to Luke while being sniffed by all the elephants around him.

"I found him a train, although not as colourful as our own, it does look a little like it though."

"He will surely love it," Christian told me, his hand immediately resting on my stomach. "Are you still up for going in the ring?" he asked me.

"Now or in Eatonville."

"Eatonville" he replied.

"Yes, despite my condition and my lame foot."

"You are not lame" he interrupted, placing a kiss to my lips.

"My lazy foot then, I do actually feel safe up there."

I have had none of the sickness I had with Theodore which is a blessing for everyone who gets close while I'm spinning around. I continued later in my pregnancy with our son once I was over the sickness, so I do not see why I cannot do my final show, for a while anyway when my mother is around.

I felt a trunk on my shoulder then, turning to see whose it was. Once upon a time, I would have known it was Daisy but now with three elephants, I needed to look.

"Are you alright boy?" I asked, rubbing my hand along Mud's trunk and face. Received a loud trumpet from him followed by Daisy's and a tiny one from Fleur, I believe that was my answer and they were all fine.

We or should I say I purchased Mud about six months after we were back on the rails, touring the country with a new top once again. We had spent months in New York while everything was fixed, packed houses every night in the building that Carrick had found for us to use. The country beckoned us though, the open spaces, the fresh air so when the decision was made that we would be travelling again, no one cheered more than my husband and me.

Mud is a couple of years younger than Daisy and came to us like most of the animals did from another circus. We had actually been approached by the ringmaster of that circus, asking if they could buy Daisy from us as a mate for their bull. My No I think was the loudest of all, I would not let them take her away from me.

It was me who made them an offer, an offer they could not refuse, startling them that a woman, especially one as young as me should have the funds I was offering. They laughed at first until my overprotective husband got in their faces, his booming voice soon making them quiet.

I not only purchased Mud but his animal car as well. And as a result of bringing Daisy and Mud together, we are lucky enough to have Fleur too. She is a beautiful representation of her parents, a little like Cora I believe. She has her mothers grace and love of all that is around her and her father's mischievous traits too. So as our family has gotten larger over the year, our train seems to continue to grow too.

"Why is he called Mud," an older boy asked, seeing the large cape that both Daisy and Mud wore, their names written on both sides. Fleur, hers was quickly removed by her trunk the first time it was placed onto her back and stomped on, on the floor. "Stupid name" he continued.

Whereas Daisy likes to play with water, Mud likes to play with… mud. He rolls in it and has done so ever since he was a calf we were told by his previous owners. The boy before us was about to find out about his name because as if in slow motion, Mud picked up a pile of mud from the ground, throwing it at the boy and his snickering friends.

The boys got angry although those who were around them, laughed, the rude boy's father laughing loudest of all. His mother, she was one of those whose nose was so high in the air, I'm surprised she could breathe let out a shriek, not because her son was covered from head to toe in soft mud as we had had rain the night before, but because she had a few speckles of it on her dress.

"My apologies," I said, stifling a laugh, my husband not even trying to hide his.

"You did ask," Theodore said who was now holding onto Muds trunk and like a pendulum was being swung.

"How am I going to get him clean," the woman asked her husband. "He is not sitting next to me like that."

"He is fine," he told her. "He will long remember his visit to the circus, I certainly will" he laughed, shaking my husband's hand.

While guests continued to come and see the elephants, I stood to the side although Daisy's trunk was the one resting on my shoulder now. Despite our newcomers, we are still very close and most nights she is still my main act in the ring.

She has been good though, no jealousy when I bring Mud in for my finale. Despite Mud being bigger than her, Daisy is still the boss of him.

When we left the midway, heading back to the menagerie, Christian held my hand while carrying Theodore on his back. Behind us, all following in a line were our elephants, all who filed happily into the menagerie, passing the cats who like always were eager for attention too.

As if they know that I am with child, there is no pushing or pulling from them when I entered the cat's pen, saying my hellos. My days despite having Theodore now are still spent surrounded by the animals and none of us would have it any other way.

"Are you hungry son?" I asked him, knowing after not eating much for breakfast and an exhausting day of walking at my pace through the town, he would not only be hungry but tired. Receiving a nod of his head, we left Christian to tend to the animals making sure they were happy and fed, while I took Theodore to the cookhouse.

As soon as he entered, he practically jumped into his grandfather's arms before hugging his grandmother as well. He was eager to tell them about his day but I could tell his energy was waning when Elliot sat down and he did not jump onto his back.

"Is it showtime yet?" he asked his grandfather.

"I think it is your bedtime, never mind showtime" Carrick told him, kissing his grandsons head. "Your mother's too" he added as I tried to hide my yawn.

"I will be fine, I will rest when he does."

"Why not rest now and let us put him to bed," Carrick asked, "Or rest as much as you normally do."

I laughed at his words as he knows just as I that if I am not in the ring, or putting my son to bed, I am with the animals getting them ready for their night.

It was agreed that Carrick and Grace would put their grandson to bed, leaving me some time with my husband who entered the cookhouse all dressed ready for tonight's show, his first job though was to kiss his son goodnight.

"You have sweet dreams and I will look in on you tonight when I have put the animals to bed."

"And given the cats their boots," Theodore asked with a giggle.

"Yes, given them their boots," he said, hugging his son tightly before giving him back to his mother.

As Growler had lost his boot that day, a replacement was quickly needed. Others tried to give him something of theirs, something that would calm him after the fire but nothing, unless it came from me, would do. My boots were sacrificed again which were gratefully accepted and carried to his bed. I did notice Hera who had not received one the first time around, having thought it was not something she wanted, went and took one from him so as of this moment, all lions had smelly boots.

Watching Christian welcome the crowd and introduce each act in a show he had put together made me so proud of him. Even though Carrick was not ready to retire yet, he was happy to hand some of the reins over to his son. So Christian now is the showman in the circus on four nights of the week whereas Carrick does three. It suits us fine as it gives Christian nights off to put Teddy to bed, others, well when I do not spend my day dragging my son through a busy town, those days he will spend at his father's side, feeding the animals, riding them more often than not too.

My son, just like his father will have a childhood like no other. One filled with adventure, excitement, one filled with love and fun. I had seen children's faces when we arrived into towns, the excitement of seeing the animals, the shows. Our son gets to experience that every day and I know from his excitement as he runs to the menagerie every morning, there is no other place he would rather be.

"Do you want to go up?" Ariana asked as I stood in the back door, watching Clifford and Dotty with the other clowns in the ring.

"Not today," I told her, smiling as she was joined by Jose. "Soon though, very soon."

I watched them leave me, knowing they would be soon heading up to the roof of the top, the trapeze waiting for them. Myself, I turned towards the menagerie when I heard a trumpet ring out.

Entering, it was Daisy who wanted attention which I happily gave to her, joining her in her pen. After being lifted from the ground as usual, before carefully being put back down again, I smiled with what I saw at our feet.

Daisies, the field we had set up in must have been full of them but having been so busy since we arrived here nearly a week ago and most of them trampled by now, I had not noticed them before. Picking one of them up, I held it up to her but being so small she snorted it up her trunk.

"No" I giggled, as the daisy disappeared down her trunk before she blew it back into the air. Collecting a few of the daisies, I sat down and set upon the task of making a daisy crown for her. It took many daisies and quite a bit of time but by the time I had finished not only was Daisy wearing a crown of daisies but so was Fleur. With my own daisy crown upon my head, I led the elephants from the menagerie and towards the top where my husband was waiting to take them into the ring.

"You look more the part than me" Christian laughed, taking over control of the animals I had brought with me. "Are you sure you do not want to do the finale."

"No, I have been told to rest and I am resting" I giggled, knowing he would look lovely escorting the animals around the ring. "You can borrow my own crown if you think you will feel left out" I called out after him, hearing his laughter reach my ears.

As each act entered the ring, the applause grew to a deafening level, each cheer deserved for a job well done.

...

"I have not given you enough of these" Christian stated as we sat on the stairs of our train carriage, enjoying the calm that only a final night could bring.

"If I remember correctly when we spent those years apart so long ago, you told me each daisy represented a kiss. I receive your kisses every day, multiple times in fact. Those daisies that I still have, pressed into my book of poetry count for more than one kiss so I think we are still ahead on daisies."

"If that is the case then I am so happy that I get to shower you with kisses and daisies for the rest of our lives."

"Here you go," Grace said, passing Christian two steaming cups before she came to join our small group who were sat outside.

Jason was strumming on his guitar quietly, so quietly that sometimes it was hard to hear. We had told him constantly that he would not wake our sleeping son up inside but he still preferred not to try.

"Have you thought of any names?" Elena asked us.

"Not yet" Christian replied. "We are still getting used to the fact that Ana is pregnant again."

"She has a lovely large bump, one that has been growing for months, how long do you need to get used to it," Leila told him, laughing.

"Despite being kicked by Theodore, I don't think Christian really believed he was there until he held him in his arms," I told her.

"Your sickness was a clear indication last time" he teased.

"Yes and that sent you into a blind panic until we found out what was causing it."

"A husband is allowed to worry," he told me, placing a kiss to my forehead while his hand came to my stomach. "Holding Theodore in my arms for the first time though, falling head over bootstraps in love with that little man as soon as I saw his tiny face, I had to pinch myself that we had created this little perfect boy together."

"How could he not be perfect, looking at his parents," Leila told us, cuddling into Luke's side.

"What about you then, you have been engaged for over a year, are you going for the record of the longest engagement in this circus or are you planning on a family first" I teased them both, hearing Luke's laugh before he kissed his fiancée.

"No children first, although with the amount of practising we do, who knows. We were thinking about California, next year for our wedding. Maybe find a beach there to get married on, one that allows lions and elephants to run about. They all have to be there after all" Leila told us.

I laughed at her words, knowing a wedding of someone in the circus would not be right without us all there, animals included.

We continued to speak about their wedding, my thoughts going back to my own wedding day. We were married in a barn, one that is now twice the size and our home. We were surrounded by our family that day too, one that continues to grow all the time and one that will be growing again soon by the size of Bell.

"You look ready to drop girl," Susie told her.

"Tell me about it. I have a month left, I think I am carrying a baby elephant with the size of my stomach" she groaned, taking the seat her husband vacated.

"You could be expecting twins," Christian said, more to Elliot than Bell, enjoying the colour draining from his face.

"So could you" he hit back although his focus was on his wife as he sat at her feet.

I do admit that Bell is much larger than I was at that stage with Theodore but then again every pregnancy is different. We are in for some fun if the baby is two as he fainted at being told she was pregnant in the first place.

Climbing into bed that night, my body exhausted after a long day. Christian's arm came around me resting on my stomach, his front moulded to my back.

"Excited," he asked, placing a kiss to the back of my head.

"Mmm, very much so" I mumbled. "She will be staying with us until after Christmas Christian. I cannot wait to see my mother again, my aunt and uncle too."

"I know, we will be with them very soon."

A month is what my mother usually travels with us for but this time it will be so much more. As we are still travelling, only halfway through our tour this year she will be with us until after our baby is born and after then until the new year.

With happiness in my heart, I finally let sleep take me.

…

It took us three days to get to Eatonville, the whistle blowing as we entered town. It would be this evening when I would see my mother as although this town is where my aunt and uncle live and where my mother stayed once she left that man, the house she found, the place she now calls home is a few hours away from here. Unfortunately, no railroads pass her home otherwise we would have picked her up on the way.

Theodore was the first one off the train, who then ran up and down what will be our circus ground to stretch his legs. Do not get me wrong he loves being on the train, it is like he has a lot of energy to burn off once he is on the ground again.

"Do not go too far little man" I called to him, stopping his tiny feet in his tracks.

His mischievous giggle told me he would run as far as his little legs would take him though and that he enjoyed the chase.

Christian jumped down from the train and was soon off in hot pursuit, before pretending to fall to the ground as if he could not catch up with him. It soon had our giggling son running back so he could jump upon his father.

"I love them two together" Grace laughed as our boys rolled in the grass.

"Me too, so much" I agreed.

I kept Theodore busy while the big top went up. Letting the elephants out, both Daisy and Mud took a rope helping to hoist the top up while Fleur, she latched onto Daisy's tail.

"Pull, pull" Theodore shouted, giving instructions to all those that were around.

They know who is boss in this circus and it was the little man by my side.

"Mommy, can I ride Daisy."

"Not while they are putting the tent up sweetheart."

"No, in the welcome" he stated.

"If you wish, you will have to speak to your daddy and make sure that Daisy is going out there…. When the tent is up" I added, pulling him back to me so he did not run off to find his father and get trampled underfoot.

With the big top up and the menagerie close to being finished, I started to open up the cat's car and waited for the ramp to be put into place.

"I am ready now," Theodore told me from his place on Growler's back, a thing that made me smile.

"We agreed you could ride an elephant, not a lion," I told him.

"They are all my animals, although I do not want to ride the camels, they are too lumpy."

I laughed, watching as Christian called for the lions, all who took their turn on the ramp. He did not say anything upon seeing our son on Growler's back as it is not something new. Theodore is his father's son after all.

I do not doubt that if a new cub arrived, Theodore would be just like his father was with Growler when he was a cub. He would roll about in the hay with him, make sure he is fed, just like he does now.

As the lions paraded towards the menagerie, those that had come to watch gasped upon seeing my son on Growler's back. Theodore ever the showman that he was, waved to them before disappearing from sight inside the tent.

As I entered at my slow pace, Christian was picking Theodore up and removing him from Growlers back. Listening to his father instruct him to lay some hay down he was quickly doing that.

"Like father, like son," I told Christian with a smile, receiving one that was beaming back at me.

"My boy" he declared, watching our son make a bed for his pets, one he was soon laid in too.

"Theodore, you will need to clean up if you want to do the welcome," I told him later that afternoon.

"Coming Mommy," he told me before giggling when Cora gripped the back of his shirt.

"He will be back to play soon," I told her, rubbing my fingers through her mane.

Cora has grown so big over the years, so protective of her family too. She absolutely loves my little boy and I know there is nothing she would not do for him. Hera and Growler had another cub, a brother for Cora just a few years ago. He was born sleeping though, his mother nearly going to sleep too if the veterinarian had not been able to save her. He is in Bellevue now, sleeping his days away in view of the mountains that surround our home. We visit him when we are back there, letting him know that just because he never got to play in our circus, he is still free to play there.

Dressing Theodore up for the welcome, he wore his top hat and red tail coat, the same one his father had worn so long ago. I could tell by the smile on his face as he looked in the mirror he was proud to wear it. He is not the only one who is wearing something a parent had worn either as I myself wore the pendant my grandmother had given to my own mother when I was born.

"You look pretty Mommy," he told me, and like a gentleman, he took my hand. We were soon joined by my husband, our real showman who would be doing the welcome with us and leading us out.

"Is my mother here yet?" I asked him.

"No, not yet but I know it will be soon. Do not worry, she will come" he assured me, before placing a kiss to my lips. "Now, my young showman, are you ready to go and show everyone out there a little of what is to come."

"Yes daddy" he giggled before he was lifted into his father's arms.

Emerging from our carriage, the elephants were already waiting for us in the midway, all three of them ready to go. Grace was here also with two of the horses but as this was Christian's turn to lead, she would be following closely behind us.

As we approached Daisy, she lowered herself, getting down onto the floor. Rubbing my hand over her head in thanks, Theodore and I were soon sat comfortably before we started to rise.

We headed towards the open gate, Christian leading the way. We could hear the chatter greet us, the cheers and laughter too. All smiling faces I paid attention to, the miserable folk, they can go away.

As I rode Daisy, with Mud at our side, Fleur held onto her fathers tail. Luke and Elliot walked behind her making sure no one bothered the calf because despite bringing Fleur to meet the crowds, knowing a large one could quickly gather especially considering how cute she was, it would do no one any good if her parents felt there was a threat to their daughter as I know it would not end well.

"Are you offering lifts" we heard from our left side as we made our way down the main street.

"I was wondering where you were, I thought you were avoiding us" I called down to my uncle who started to walk with us, while we continued to wave to the crowd.

"No, I have been in court all day, dealing with the scum of the earth that will now be going away for a long time. Your aunt is around here somewhere, she went to meet your mother" he called up to me.

Hearing the word mother, my heart skipped a beat and the butterflies in my stomach grew. Add to that the little kicks I felt and I could not keep the smile from my face.

"Do you want a lift?" I asked, knowing Mud would happily lift him up in the air, something he has done before.

"NO, no my feet are perfectly fine on the ground" he laughed as he continued to walk by our side.

I looked all around, trying to find my mother as we continued our walk through town. My face and arm ached from all the smiles and the waves but it was worth it to see smiles returned from happy faces.

"Grandmother" Theodore shouted as we were halfway down the next street, one that would lead us back to the circus ground. "Grandma" he called out this time, waving madly as I tried to see through the crowd to where she was waiting.

I found her then stood by my aunt, both of them linking arms. It was me who was waving madly then as I wished away the tears that I knew in a moment would surely fall.

"Follow us in" Christian called out to my mother as we were approaching the gate. Our son was having none of that though, not wanting to wait until we were inside as his words rang out loud and clear.

"Daisy, down, Daisy, please get me down."

Holding my breath as her trunk came up, he gripped hold of it tight before she swung him down to the ground. His little legs were off running then as fast as he could before he jumped into his grandmother's arms.

I was so happy she waited where she did as once I was through the gates I was put down myself, my mother's arms soon wrapped around me tightly. I let the tears come then, blaming them on my pregnancy although tears always appear when we have been parted for a while.

Hearing the gates closed behind us, I paid no mind to the fact that those outside could see our display as I cried in my mother's arms.

"I have missed you," I told her, smiling brightly despite my tears.

"Oh, I have missed you too my girl, so much. How are you feeling."

"Very well, still no sickness this time."

"I am glad" she laughed, having been with me for most of my early pregnancy with Theodore and had held my hair back while I had vomited on more than one occasion.

She released me for a moment, hugging my husband before Theodore was back in her arms while I said hello to my aunt and uncle properly. Saying goodbye to the elephants as Luke took them back to the menagerie, we ourselves once Grace has spoken to my mother for a few moments, headed towards our carriage on the train which housed our family.

"Wow, it is a lot different in here than the last time I saw it," Tom said of what is now my families home.

"That would be because this was a shell last time you saw it as we had only purchased it in the weeks before" Christian told him.

I smiled looking around our carriage, enjoying the space and privacy it brings us. We had always shared the same carriage with Carrick and Grace but finding out I was pregnant with Theodore, we knew we needed more room. It was fine when he was a tiny baby in our room as we could just about fit in a crib but as he grew so did our need for space, a place of our own too.

Elena has our old room now, her own space away from the younger girls. Most of those girls had now found their own partners so things have had to be moved around too. We make it work though, mostly with the room that we have, if not, we just add on making the sight as our train snakes into a town just that more spectacular.

I made some tea as we spoke about what everyone had been up to while Theodore played with his toys on the floor. We also spoke about my act that I would be doing just the next night.

"Are you alright up there, being pregnant and all" Susan asked me.

"You mean, am I going to vomit as I spin."

"There is that" she laughed.

"I am as safe up there as I am on the ground, probably safer" I admitted, knowing that with the ropes, the animals I have with me and the straps that I hold onto on the hoop, I am safer than walking with my own feet.

"You will be standing though" Christian reminded me.

"I am," I told him excitedly as I thought of my newest act.

They all asked me what I was speaking about but they would just have to wait and see, for now, they joined us in the cookhouse for dinner, listening to thankfully my husband's and not Carrick's speech.

"QUIET DOWN YOU NOISY BUNCH" Christian shouted as Theodore added that everyone should shush. "THANK YOU, SON." He spoke, ruffling his son's hair. "OUR FIRST NIGHT IN A NOT SO NEW TOWN AS WE HAVE ALL BEEN HERE BEFORE. WE HAVE BEEN JOINED BY THE USUAL NATIVES, OUR FAMILY SO WELCOME ONCE MORE."

"Natives" my mother spoke laughing.

"AS ALWAYS WE ARE HERE TO ENTERTAIN AND BRING SMILES TO THOSE WHO VISIT US, WE ARE ALSO HERE TO HAVE FUN AND SEE HOW MUCH MONEY WE CAN SHAKE FROM THEM. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL IN ADVANCE FOR THE GREAT SHOW WE WILL PUT ON, I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL, MY WIFE, MY FAMILY ESPECIALLY FOR THEIR UNENDING SUPPORT AND KNOW THAT AFTER TOMORROW I CAN BREATHE A SIGH OF RELIEF AS IT WILL BE MY WIFE'S LAST TIME IN THE RING,"

"That is nice" I complained hearing everyone's laughter although I know he was really teasing me.

"IT WILL BE YOUR LAST TIME RIDING ELEPHANTS FOR A WHILE UNTIL AFTER OUR BABY IS BORN" He stated, before placing a kiss to my lips. "I KNOW THOUGH YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BY MY SIDE."

"That is debatable after that comment" I teased back hearing him bark out a laugh.

As he finished his speech, he took my hand into his brushing his fingers over my own. He is right, I will always be there for him just as he is for me.

…

"You sleep, dream of elephants and lions, a few camels too," I told my son, hugging him tightly before I relinquished him to my husband's arms.

Receiving a tired wave from my boy, Christian took him to his room, enjoying like always his chance to put his son to bed.

"Are you tired Ana?" my mother asked.

"Always but that is nothing new" I smiled.

Resting my head against her shoulder, I felt her lips against my hair like I had done so many times before. Having only one parent has never been a hardship for me as I have only had one parent since the day I was born. Up until I met Christian, she is the only family I had ever needed. I have a large family now, filled with those that I love. I even have sisters that care for me, brothers also and although none are related to me by blood, they are there for me, unlike the one I was related to. She just like her husband is rotting away, blamed not only for the fire but also that man's death. They might not have killed him directly but they are the reason he was there so the blame was placed on then.

I do not want to think of them though, I want happy and content thoughts and that is what I had as I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep, my mother's arm wrapped around me.

…

I woke to hear excited voices, those of my mother and son who were in the main part of our carriage. Like always Theodore is up as soon as it is light and having my mother here is no exception.

"Stay where you are" Christian whispered behind me, his front to my back.

Relishing these few moments together and knowing with my mother out there, we would not be disturbed for a while, I lifted my leg up over Christian's letting him know just where I wanted him to be.

Hearing a groan from Christian at my request, our moans as he pushed his penis inside me, I melted at his touch. Our lovemaking is usually saved for when Theodore was sleeping at night knowing once he is usually up, we are too. So having this opportunity for a few moments to enjoy my husband is too good to miss.

"You feel exquisite" he groaned behind me as his movements started to pick up.

We needed to be as quiet as we could knowing that our family was not far away but with explosions going off inside me when Christian hit that perfect spot, that was not possible so as not to scare my son, I pulled my pillow to my face, biting on it tightly as my body shuddered with my release. Hearing my husbands ragged breath, his groans in my ear, I know he had found his own release too.

"I love you" he mumbled, kissing my shoulder before I turned around to face him once he had removed himself from me.

Taking his face within my hands, I whispered my words of love to him before his lips met mine again.

…

"Final showtime Mommy," Theodore told me as I stood by the hoop waiting until it was time to go up.

"For a little while," I told him, kissing his mass of curls.

He was in my mother's arms at the moment, waiting for me to ascend to the roof of the top. They would then join my aunt and uncle who had already taken their seats.

"Are you ready Ana?" Jose asked me.

"Yes, I am ready to fly," I told him.

I would be in Jose's hands this evening, not being able to have Christian hold the rope as at this moment he was out in the ring ready to introduce me.

Taking my seat, I wrapped my hands in the top hand straps, ignoring the ones that were below it for the moment. They would come into play later in my act.

"I will be back soon," I told Theodore as I started to rise upwards.

I was soon high above the ring, seeing the elephants being brought in by Luke. All three were there but like always, Fleur sat in the middle while her parents circled the ring.

I giggled when I saw the elephants this day, all with a hat on their heads. The hats were not part of the act any more but as I saw Christian look up towards me, they were a nod to how far I had come.

As I started my descent, I watched as Fleur moved to the side while Daisy and Mud went into the middle, both staring up at me. They both raised their front feet in the air, bringing them together, their trumpets noisily shouting. Just like my husband had done only moments ago when he had introduced my act, they were announcing my arrival in the ring.

Cheers rang up around the ring, gasps too when I removed my bottom from the hoop, still holding onto the hand holds though, as I stood on their joined feet.

Like a pendulum they took turns to swing the hoop with their trunks then, my feet touching theirs no more. Sitting back in the hoop for a moment, I tightened my legs around it before falling back so I could move my hands to the straps below.

From then on, I hung from the bottom of the hoop as I continued to be swung. Despite being large trunks that moved me through the air, they were careful not to touch me.

My finale once the swinging had stopped was having one leg on each of their backs as side by side, they circled the ring.

There was probably a day in the past when I thought getting in a hoop was never going to happen never mind what I had just done now. As I stood on the ground, taking my bow and my cane from Fleur's trunk. I was proud of how far I had come, knowing I would have never got here without Christian and my mother's support, our family too who were stood with the rest of the crowd, cheering loudly.

I may have been born in a large grand house, I may have been hidden away for so many years but here in this circus tent, where I have not only found love and friendship but where I am finally able to breathe is where I belong. To find ones true self you have to look inside of you and I have done that so many times in the past. I know who I am, I know what I am able to achieve. I am proud of who I have become, me.

…

"Grandma, will you read me a bedtime story," Theodore asked tiredly as we all sat outside of our carriage, celebrating tonight's success.

The girls were shaking their booty for those that had paid to see it in their tent but besides them, all guests had left for the evening, hopefully, with smiles on their faces.

"Are you sure you will be awake for a story?" my mother asked her grandson.

"Yes, I am awake" he announced letting out a large yawn.

"Alright then, but how about I tell you a story instead of reading one," she told him, picking him up from his father's lap. Theodore was more awake now that he knew he would hear a new story instead of the books he had heard read a hundred times before.

Getting up myself as they did, I wanted to go inside and grab my shawl, feeling a chill in the air outside.

Having collected my shawl from my room, the same one my mother had made for me when I had finally found my true home, I stopped at my son's bedroom door, listening into the story my mother was about to tell.

"Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess who was locked away in the castle on the hill."

"Why was she locked away if she was beautiful," Theodore asked his grandmother.

"Her father was not a nice man, her sister ugly too. They were both jealous of her beauty and kind heart, thinking that if they kept her hidden from the world their ugliness would not shine through. Now one day a knight came to town, one who did not ride a horse but an elephant, a lion too. His heart was as pure as the princesses so when they met a strong bond formed between them, one that ugliness could never break."

"What happened," Theodore asked, excited to no doubt hear how the bad people were defeated, making my mother laugh when he asked if dragons were involved.

"No, no dragons were there, although the princess had met quite a few over the years."

"That is true" Christian whispered in my ear, his hands resting on my stomach.

I giggled, agreeing with that as my mother continued her story. She told her grandson that bad had been defeated and only good remained.

"Is Mommy a princess, my daddy a knight," he asked her as he finally lay down again while letting out a yawn.

"That they are" she agreed looking to us stood by the door. "The knight saved the princess making her so happy and in turn those that are around them too. He helped her to see that it was alright to be herself, even if that was being so different than everyone else. Knowing she had his support, mine too, she embraced the light, promising herself that she would never be hidden again. Do you know what happened next" she asked him as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"No, what grandma."

"With her love of a little flower, a larger one too, she became a star."

_~ The End ~_

**Thank you to everyone who has joined me on this journey and reviewed and followed me on the way. It has been a lot of fun to write. **

**I will be back with a new story once I have got all the details together of where I want it to go, so keep a look out for me.**

**Until then, take care. **

**Caroline**


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